The Dishes & Cutlery

October 22, 2005 by NML

Do dishes and cutlery fly to the kitchen sink or the dishwasher by themselves? Not the last time I checked, but there are a hell of a lot of men that seem to think that the dish fairy appears when their back is turned and does this for them. When I’ve found myself picking up after exes, I had to ask myself:
When did I go from being the woman that he couldn’t keep his hands off, to the woman that picks up after him?

This lesson requires the delivery of some home truths which may be completely foreign to you, so brace yourself. Sometimes I have to be cruel to be kind…..

Dirty dishes belong in the sink or in the dishwasher, end of story.

At no point do they belong on the table, on the floor beside the sofa or the bed, the bathroom or anywhere other than these two places. And they don’t belong underneath furniture where you think we can’t see. Do you really think that we’re not going to notice that there are only 5 dishes left in a 6 piece set?
I know that sometimes you’ve had a hard day and you want to kick back and relax, but you won’t be relaxing for a long time if you don’t learn how to put things where they belong. Ideally, as soon as you finish eating, you should bring the plates through to the kitchen and either put them in the dishwasher or the sink. If you really have to watch something, do it on the next ad break without being prompted. My only problem with waiting for the break is that if you have been doing this on a regular basis and your significant other ends up taking your plate anyway, you need to stop the habit in its tracks.

The plate needs to be scraped out. I know, shocking!
If you have left some food on the plate, scrape it off the plate into the bin before you place it in the sink or the dishwasher. Just like a fairy doesn’t pick up your plate, a fairy doesn’t scrape it clean either. Even if she’s going to be the one doing the washing up, make it a little easier for her by removing the remaining food from the plate. Just in case you don’t know, if you put plates with food on them in the dishwasher, they can clog up the bloody thing and cause it to break down, which means that you could potentially be on washing up duty further down the line and have to fork out for a repairman or a brand new machine. Plan ahead and make your life easier!

The dishwasher doesn’t fill or empty itself.
If you can take the plate to the kitchen, you can open the dishwasher and put the plate in. The dishwasher makes both of your lives convenient, not just hers, however, the technology doesn’t stretch to the dishwasher filling or emptying itself of its own accord. I know that the male mind is thinking:

“Oh for f’s sake. This is exactly why I don’t want to put my plate away in the first place. One minute it’s bring your plate in the kitchen, next thing it’s scrape it out, next thing you know I’m filling the whole dishwasher or worse still doing the washing up. There is even the possibility that I’ll have to empty the dishwasher and I’ll bet I get in trouble for not putting things in their rightful places.”
Well boys, if you did it more often, it wouldn’t be a chore and you wouldn’t get in trouble for putting things in the wrong place because you will know where things are in your own kitchen! Even if your significant other is a housewife, when did things get so bad that you can’t even stretch to bringing in your plate when you’ve finished your dinner?

No matter how many times you stare at the washing up, it will not wash itself.
Sweet baby Jesus and the orphans, this is common sense just like the rest of this subject, yet guys are still casting a surreptitious glance at the sink full of plates, as if expecting spontaneous cleaning. Here is an important fact:
Unless the washing up gets done, the amount will INCREASE.
If things don’t get washed up, it smells and the kitchen looks awful. If your significant other has stopped doing it, it is very likely that the straw has broken the donkey’s back and they’ve gone on strike. Take the hint and get washing. If you can’t cope with washing up, buy a dishwasher, but like it says above, it still needs to be filled and emptied. And no, buying the dishwasher does not exempt you from having to fill it or empty it.

And make sure you wash up properly. Use the appropriate cleaning utensils, and rinse, with hot water. If you were my man and came back to a load of stuff with in the dish rack with suds all over it, I would have to question your intelligence.

And just in case there is any doubt, fairy’s don’t exist. The person that has been cleaning up after you is your significant other! If your parents haven’t told you that Santa and fairy’s don’t exist, tough shit, I’m telling you now!