Comments on: The Fallback Girl is Mr Unavailable’s Disgruntled Customer

By: Laura

Laura — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 03:19:48 +0000

I can relate totally to this. I thought I met my soulmate. He was the man every woman would want for the first few months. I knew that I had codependency issues and followed ‘The Rules’ very strictly, to be sure I was not wasting my time with him. He did everything right, pursued me, waited for sex, was a perfect gentleman, etc. Then the facade fell…Dr Jekyll turned to Mr Hyde. But it was too late because I was already madly in love with him and he knew it.

After 18 months of hell, which eventually turned from verbal to emotional to physical abuse, it is over and I am literally a shell of the person I used to be. I have almost lost everything due to this relationship and it will take me years to recover financially and emotionally.

I have cut off all contact with him and still miss him although I realize I only miss the idea of him because it was just an illusion. Nothing he presented was actually real. He was worse than emotionally unavailable, a step above, a narcissist to the highest degree. I am certain he will try to contact me again at some point in the future and I am surrounding myself with the support system to never answer him again.

I have learned that we – as women – need to be able to find happiness outside of our relationships with men, and view those relationships as the icing on the cake. I will never give a man this kind of power over me again.

Thank you for your site. It has helped me very much.

By: ivyowl

ivyowl — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 22:05:39 +0000

I could relate well to this article

I had this very conversation with my Mr. Unavailable. We were playing pool and I was somewhat drunk. But I told him this without bitterness, just extreme self observation reflection:

” I am deeply and completely commited to you. Even though I know you don’t want me to be. Even know I know you don’t give a rats ass if I am or am not. Even though you will never commit to me, I am commited to you. And I think it is some sort of sickness”.

I won’t tell you what he said as it probably didn’t mean a whole lot. Something about my NOT being sick or something and ….blah

Anyway the important thing is I said it, and I felt so much better afterwards. Like I was keeping that reality inside and it needed to be brought out. I felt less stressed about the whole thing inside.

I am not chasing him about commitment. I am a 40 year old never married woman…I KNOW I have my own issues to work on. And I am working hard on myself with them

It doesn’t mean these kind of relationships are the best thing

By: sara

sara — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 11:44:02 +0000

Your blog is the best and most realistic one i came through, i am a typical Yo-yo girl and i want to tell my story and the i have a question!
I knew a guy on the internet and jumped in bed with him in our second date, the sex was lousy so i contacted him again to have a better deal, and i had the deartiset sex ever, i decided to cut with the guy, then he contacted me before we left town and we fucked again but that time was great and it was emotionally loaded.
After that he left town and i blocked and deleted him for 3 months but he never seemed to do the same to i got him back again on my allowed list, just to have seme cam sex,then he invited me to his place and then declined the invitation, i wrote him a hate letter, but still he won’t move his ass from my list! then we had more cam sex and i got bored and asked him when r we gona meet and he told me it isn’t easy cause he’s a sales man and things aren’t going so well, i mocked him only to find him getting more clear about cheating, he’s always adding girls!
Now why the hell is he still keeping contact? what can i do to make him bug off? just say it to him directly? i sent him already an e-mail but he didn’t do anything.

By: Tulipa

Tulipa — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:31:18 +0000

Amen I see myself clearly

By: Loving Annie

Loving Annie — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:39:52 +0000

Bingo. You hit the nail on the head with exquisite precision once again, Natalie.
I see myself so clearly in this.
And once I can see it, it means I’m not likely to repeat it.
Instead of continuing an unconscious pattern. Or facilitating its painful continuation with a yoy-yo (bad penny) of a man who has zero intentions of being anything but hot air or getting ego strokes – Anything but really being there and caring about his actions consistently making ME happy.

I got exactly what I asked for without realizing what I was asking for/agreeing to. Based on my own assumptions which were ALL by the way incorrect, although I kept refusing to look at that by really dealing with what his actions were IN THE PRESENT MOMENT.

Nothing like not having any healthy boundaries to keep you hoping for a EUM to be what he isn’t..

I love what you write. It is so empowering !!!

Thank goodness I was finally in a place to really be able to hear what you are saying, and understand my own accountability, stop blaming myself while ignorinjg what the real picture is, and see what to look for – and what red flags will make me run in the future a.s.a.p. with zero interest in the crack drama of being manipulated.