isn’t funny how we always turn out to be the crazy ones in the end. If it makes you feel any better, my EUM called me ‘clinically insane’!! ouch. That is when u start to stop fighting for them..

thank you so much for taking the time to comment for me. Sometimes just seeing somebody else’s opinion, not a friend, not a relative, but somebody neutral, helps a lot. Perhaps I can now you some insight as well:

You know? I know it is easy to say…but I am truly believing now that time is the only answer to all this madness. It has been madness!! truly…this past month for me has been madness….mainly because these assclowns leave you in a total state of confusion and darkness…they come and totally destroy your self-esteem and then go on to the next victim…and you are left sitting there, wondering…What just happened? And it is maddening because you think you are a person of value, which they totally make you question. You feel that you are going to be ok during the days but feel terrible at nights…you cry yourself to sleep because you miss the dream, the illusion…you miss the fantasy that he built for you before he truly showed you who he was. His real self. And with time, you come to realize that his real self is one you should pity…not hate nor miss, because that is giving him too much importance, but pity….because he will never have a real, decent, loving life. Life is fair…because at the end, they all pay for the things they do to us.

I have not answered ONE of his calls nor his messages and will never again do so. Time and distance have helped me see that this person was a disaster in my life…someone who has so many issues and problems that he will never be truly happy. Will he have “women” feeding his ego throughout life? most likely yes and lots …as he has had and has now…but he will never be truly loved for who he is and will never have one special person in his life, he will never know what love is. …and will never have a decent and honorable life next to somebody of worth. The women he is seeking are the easy kind. That I know. He will never have somebody like me in his life. He left because he knew that he could not manipulate me anymore. He left because, as you said, he could not get his way with me. The lives they lead are ones of superficiality and emptiness. At least, my ex AC has been leading this kind of life and will always be. This is not bitterness, although it might sound like it…..this is realization……of what I have been going through and why..and why I had nothing to do with the dismiss of this call it “relationship” because I am for real and he is not.

So, he can stay far ..very far away from me…because his calls are not needed anymore…his words would not mean a thing to me now… I don’t need him anymore….and I mean this….even if he begged, cried, mopped the floor with his little pathetic self, I would never ever go back to him. I am on my way to better things now in life…and I know I can achieve everything I want. He won’t. He doesn’t have a clue ….

Even his friendship is not needed anymore…he does not deserve mine. He never cared for me while he was here so why would he do it now? He thinks he has a lot of friends but I could bet anything that those friends laugh at him, behind his back, because this man, who is 40 years old by the way…has never done anything good with his life and has nothing to show for it….he has nothing….in both the personal and professional aspects…and his friends are all married, with families to take care of, and responsibilities in life. They see this poor pathetic guy jumping from state to state, holding jobs for a year max, leaving jobs just like that, angering former bosses, zero responsibility sense, ….jumping from one bed to the other, and now living off his sister. Is that the man I want as father of my children? Certainly not. My parents did not raise me nor gave me my education, with a lot of sacrifice, to accept somebody like that in my life. He fooled me, so I made a mistake…but no more.

Call it an epiphany on my part, I am glad it happened. For the first time in over a month, I can see more light around me….and every time I wake up, I feel this feeling inside me that I did the right thing throwing him out of my house like the cockroach he was….and I don’t regret it. I am starting to feel that I will be able to go on now….but truly go on….I have understanding now in my heart and that is all I wanted. I am bound for better things in life…and they are just waiting for me to get there. Real happiness is the one I am going to find….and one day, I will look back and think of this pathetic man as an experience that gave me tremendous strength and courage…but did not destroy me. And life will prove me right.
Confusedtroubled….´s last blog ..Suicide Bombing and Jesus Christ

My first semester of college I met a guy five years older than me. I was 18, he was 23. We started hooking up after about two months of “chatting” away nights and talking in class together. I didnt think he was THE ONE or anything, but I wanted to get over my “first love” (that only lasted like four months in high school). We hooked up for two months and he was really persistant about having sex (though i was a virgin and refused to. plus he never EVER acknowledged we were together.) In january (two months in) I said that if he wanted to continue this, he had to commit to a relationship. I wanted the label and the responsibility. If that didnt happen, I didnt want to see him anymore. he bitched, but agreed. (should’ve left him then)

After about a week, I realized he NEVER paid any attention to anything I said. all we did was hook up and he just talked about his stupid job. we never ever connected. I told him it was over, it wasnt working out. he said we could fix it, let’s work this out. I stayed. he paid more attention, listened. Things were better. Something was missing though. I felt like he was pining over his ex (some girl he dated for three months) that “got away.” One night we were talking about watching movies and he said he couldnt watch a particular movie and it was because of the ex. I asked him if he still loved her. He said “love is forever. yes. Is that a problem?” DING DING DING. It was a problem. Should have left him then too! Didnt. Said it wasnt a big deal. It was. It’s now May, havent had sex still but he always bitched about it. When was it going to happen. blah blah. At one point, we were lounging around hooking up again and he got so frustrated, stood up and was like “What–do you want me to say ILOVEYOU or something?”

I know I know. Shouldve left him then too. I said no. Went home, and cried. About a month and a half later, we did it. it sucked. And I still dont know why I did it. I just thought “well…he’s okay…been together a while….Im 18…” and it happened. and it was painful and just something Im glad is over.

Fast forward to December. I flipped out via email (I was a coward and couldnt talk about certain things in person). I told him he was a jerk for not loving me even though he had everything from me (keep in mind I spent tons of money buying little things for him, t-shirts, dumb things that ADD UP…meanwhile he had a high paying job and I was a waitress at a deadend bar). We broke up for maybe two weeks and then I took him back. dont know why. We had stupid fights all the time. Fast forward to the next december (last year), I had had enough. I wanted to meet someone new (and almost had) and I needed to get out. I called him one night and told him it was over. He was still in love with his ex and not watching movies, all of the crap just added up and I was done. When he could LIVE his life in the present, to get back to me. Of course he didnt and for some reason (i kick myself now), I kept in contact with him. At first, he contacted me every day…for about two or three weeks. After that….I contacted him. all the time. for five months we didnt see each other.

He says he didnt see anyone. I do believe him (am I stupid, was that dumb?) but I really do believe him. he was always there to talk to, and never did anything. he has no friends and still lives with his parents (hes just not that kind of person…I guess everyone says that).

One day I wanted to see him…and he didnt. He said that he just didnt feel like it. …after five months of not seeing me. …however the next weekend, I did go over, we didnt even talk and just hooked up. but no sex. So we were “back together” but without having said it. And here we are now.

we havent had sex since august (of this year), I’ve been out of the country, had the flu and downright dont FEEL LIKE IT OR WANT TO. while I was out of the country…he didnt talk to me that much. but when I was back in the US …but not in the same state (but same time zone) HE NEVER BOTHERED WITH ME. I dont get it. I know there’s no one else…it’s just that he doesnt care. or show it. But…WHY. I dont get it.

so here I am…and I dont know what to do. I’ve cried break up SO MANY TIMES. I mean it…and then it doesnt happen. I just want it to be done…but why am i not doing it. I want to send a text to end it…but…that is impersonal, I am not a coward. but I dont know what to do. and it’ll kill me if I DO end it and he doesnt care. the past three years …wasted? I’m 21 and I shouldnt feel like this. No one should…but…I dont know what to do. I dont have many friends at all. Im working and going to school. my problem in breaknig up with him in the past has been that at night…when im lonely…I’d text or IM him. I dont want to be that girl.

I dont know. I know it’s STUPID to think “things will change.” I mean, EVEN IF THEY DID, I dont think my feelings (how hardened theyve become) can change. Im just so apathetic towards hims…and when he tries to kiss me or something…Im angry. I just get annoyed with him like Im going to snap. and when he raises his voice (not shouting, but in a child like tantrum), I just want to snap and tell him to get out or grow up and kick him out of my life for good.

I probably sound more bitter than usual. I am PMS-ing.

I dont want to hear “JUST KICK HIM TO THE CURB” because I KNOW what I SHOULD be doing, I just need logic, understanding, relating—I dont know what I need. I just need something. Help!

Personally, I dont think you made any mistakes. If he wanted a job and wanted a better like for BOTH of you…you wouldn’t have had to push him to study English, or secretly find out about his random women-fan-clubs.

dont bother with him. you’ll meet someone who loves and respects you. that guy just wanted things to fall into his lap and you delivered just that.

1. apartment
2. you aka girlfriend
3. all expense paid VACA
4. someone that’s not home so he can talk to exes and all of his friends about how GREAT he’s doing.
5. have a job fall into his lap.

it’s not up to YOU to set him up with a job and a life. he shouldve come to you with a plan and goals and not have tricked you. i think he knew exactly what he was doing. he’s only trying to get you back because he wants everything back (but not YOU). He wants the life you live but without responsibility and COMMITMENT to a relationship and in turn …to you. It’s not fair. But I’m glad you havent made contact or even bothered with him.

Also, I highly recommend the book “He’s Scared, She’s Scared” (maybe I heard of it on this site?) It’s helped me understand some of these guys’ behavior better, as well as helped me uncover some of my own commitment issues.

No matter, it’s a weird experience and I found it necessary to go NC to stop the confusion and figure out what was going on. It’s been months of recovery, and its way better in NC because it’s getting clearer how unhealthy it was.

No one can love and care for you until they know how to do so for themselves. Conversely, one cannot love another well until one knows how to love and cares for oneself.

To make matters short: I broke up, in really bad terms, with my ex a little over a month. He left his job to move here to be with me. He came from another state. He actually left a job that was not really going to go anywhere so thought he would build a life here with me and make things work together. He expressed his love for me in more than one way….was very fast and very direct too. He came after 4 months of having a relationship via phone…he was the most wonderful man I had ever met and did everything a woman wants from a man. He was truly the perfect boyfriend. I, in turn, made everything perfect for his arrival….got a new apartment ( a bit bigger for both), got it completely ready so that when he arrived, he would have peace, tranquility, in order to start building up his new life with me. He swore he would do everything in his power to get a job. To help us both. He wanted to study, to be a better man, with me. I did everything so that this man would not have a worry on earth when he came to be with me.

The man who arrived behaved well for, I would say, two weeks…then things started…. For once, he could not leave his cell phone alone for anything in the world! no matter if we were together trying to “get to know each other”…if friends called, he was there to answer and chat. For as long as it took. I called him on it as disrespectful behavior many times. Finally, he slowed down the frequency of the phone calls but was resentful that he had to hide in order to talk.

Secondly, he had a particular ex-girlfriend who would not stop calling him either. Was that a huge problem for me? YES, but the worst was that he never picked up her calls in my presence….he only called her back when I was not home. I know because I got a hold of the cell bill for him. Turns out, when I confronted him, that she was just a friend now…the problem was that she did not even know he had moved to another state to be with his new girlfriend. But …why not answer the phone in my presence? why called her when I was not home? he promised once that he would stop returning her calls…well, that did not happen. He called her again. But, I was being qualified as extremely insecure, and with very little self-esteem. Ok…..

Not only was he calling the ex, or returning her calls, but also many other women friends. Funny thing was, never when I was there…never in front of me. If they were only friends, then why not with me, his new beloved girlfriend right next to him? I would not have had an issue, if the phone calls had not taken place when I was away on business and at odd hours of the night…his answer always was that he had always been a people person, with many many friends….always….it was not his fault I did not have any friends….HA!

His attitude toward me started changing with that. He became distanced but I did too…I stopped trusting the guy. Many times the arguments were so terrible, I left the apartment and went to get some time out and peace somewhere else…by myself. I never disrespect our relationship, if you want to call it that. I tried to talk to him and explain why his behavior was hurting to me…I explained in every single way possible, calm, collected, friendly, nice, then lost my temper many times and screamed too…I could not find the way to make him understand….what did I get in return? always a “you are insecure” you probably were burned in past relationships to blame me for things I do not do” etc etc…. I felt so many times so upset that I chose to leave him alone overnight …to calm down and think…I did not know what to do anymore so I went to my girlfriend’s house to sleep. He hated that I left him alone as he always said: he was new in this town and did not know a soul…I was mean for doing that and immature….

Finally, things got so bad that I left him again but for several days this time. I was fed up with him. Everytime I found something out….I had to look…I had lost trust….I did not know how to protect myself from being lied to…or used to….because, let’s make something clear…he never looked for a job on his own….he never got out of the house to look for work, he wanted me to find him a job because I have a good job. I paid for every thing…everything….I was basically paying for him to leave with me. He spent the days talking to his female club fan and male friends on the phone and when I would come back home…nothing….he had done nothing. But I was the insecure one and the one who wanted to put rules for him to live under and respect.

He started saying he wanted to find his freedom again…that if I loved him enough I would let him fly away to find his ways …in terms of job, career, etc…he had to take care of things in his life before trying to be happy with me…. He had to offer me more….so he left to be with his sister, in a party town,…and now is doing nothing again…well…he is soliciting women as friends in Facebook and God only knows what.

But his argument always was…..I was immature, insecure, little or no self-esteem….and I could not talk during arguments but only left the place and left him alone. I kicked him out of my apart. close to 5 times….he always found a way to come back until the last time when I kicked him out so nastily, he finally had to leave….he knew I was not going back this time. Because I was “so mean” to him the last time, his sisters, who proclaimed to love me, shut me off too…I turned out to be the bad one in front of his family and friends….never mind I helped him with everything I could and more…never mind I pushed him to learn, to study, never mind he read his first book in English because of me, never mind he never had to pay for anything to be here…..but I turned out to be evil and a woman with mental problems…lol….. OH MY GOD….

Can somebody please tell me why I sometimes feel mean that I am not answering his pathetic attempts to make contact with me? He called once after 20 + days of NC from me, and I did not answer…he left a message with an excuse….then, the ims…which I did not answer either….but sometimes, just sometimes, in the back of my mind, I think: Was I really mean for leaving him alone those nights in a town where he did not know anybody? was I really immature for not staying to talk things over? was I the problem?? was I insecure?? thinking this sometimes makes me want to call him and not to get him back, but to apologize…..he, for once, has never said sorry for the things he did. HELPPPPPP!!! someone has to help me drag my head out of the clouds!!!