The Keys to Being A Great Female Friend

February 16, 2006 by The Tattoed Debutante

I’m gonna take a cue from NML and go with the Women/ Girlfriends theme. We have pointed out the flawed logic behind much female thinking and explored the manner in which women choose to attack and hurt one another. But, for fear that people may think my only female interaction is of the cat fight persuasion, allow me to expound upon the world of wonderful girlfriends. I have a few, close friends who have taught me the beauty of being friends with a woman, and I want to share some of those insights.

The Keys to Being A Great Girl (read Female) Friend:1. Never judge. Only Love. There will never be a point where I come to you with my tail between my legs, broken hearted and grieving bound, and want you to tell me that you knew this would happen and if I had only listened to everyone else I would not be in this situation. This is when I need love. This is when I want you to let me lay down on the couch with my head in your lap while you tell me that life is hard, but we will overcome, and everything will be okay. Even if you don’t know that it will be, tell me anyway.

1. There will never be a point where I come to you with my tail between my legs, broken hearted and grieving bound, and want you to tell me that you knew this would happen and if I had only listened to everyone else I would not be in this situation. This is when I need love. This is when I want you to let me lay down on the couch with my head in your lap while you tell me that life is hard, but we will overcome, and everything will be okay. Even if you don’t know that it will be, tell me anyway.2. Only offer advice if I ask for it. So often I just want someone to listen. I almost always know the answer. I know what I should do. I know what I did wrong. All I want is an ear to listen and a head to nod. Getting it off my chest will do more than you can know, and I will be eternally grateful for your compassion.

3. When I do ask for it, don’t be a hypocrite. If you have been in my situation and know the best way out, and I ASK for help, share your secrets. Tell me how it worked and how it’s going to feel, but please spare me the “This is what you need to do” speech when you did nothing of the sort. Can you stand there and convince me to leave the cheating bastard when your man’s keeping half the hookers in town in high heels? I won’t take you seriously, and I may resent you for it.

4. Do not abandon me for a boy, and I will do the same for you. I am one of those women who make it perfectly clear, from day one of a budding relationship that my friends are the most important people in my little microcosm. But I have lost many a friend, and two very best friends, when men have taken the place of EVERYONE else. I understand being in love, but how can you cast aside the people or person who stood by you and loved you for the years before this boy appeared? How can you justify saying “Thanks, but I’ve done better?” It’s apparently pretty easy to do, but for the sake of female friends everywhere, please don’t. Men will leave, hurt, betray, and I’m gonna be loathe to pick up the pieces of your heart when you shattered mine just a short time ago.

5. Be honest and do not betray my trust. I will tell you the truth if I know that you can be trusted with the truth. I will always let you see me as I am, if I know you will not turn around and use it against me. Once you have betrayed that trust, you have lost the right to expect my honesty. I will tell you some things, but never again will I tell you everything. And since trust is the basis of any healthy relationship, I’m not sure what the point of having one without it is.

6. If you have a problem, tell me. Do not go tell everyone else so that I find out “through the grapevine” that something I said or did has offended you. If I have to find out that way, I will be offended. And then we’re just two mad bulls waiting for the red flag. Do not involve outside people in an inside problem.
These are the ones I find most valuable in my daily life and friendships…Please feel free to add on!!
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