Comments on: The No Contact Rule Really Does Work Reader Success Story

By: ifi

ifi — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:17:22 +0000

after a 1 and a half year of relationship , my boyfriend broke up with me … the reason was very small which I spoiled more with my anger and blamed his love a lot…cause i always used to think that he only loves me for sex… he took my virginity away….
by the time he started ignoring me that was just unbearable for me… he started ignoring me just because his family wants him to get married with someone from his family and he just cant go out of the family…
he didn’t care for me at all , he didn’t decide to take any step for me for the sake of our love and just dumped and left me with no big reason…and ended up saying this that he doesn’t love me anymore bye forever..
I have loved him so deeply… we have loved each other a lot in our life.. but for me he was not seems serious for me … he has told me his past affairs.. n he had been flirting a lot… in start he was flirting with me too but by the time when I gave him my love he returned it back … he loved me but he was never willing to get committed cause of his family situation…. i never wanted to be a apart and he says i hate those girls who live in dreams …. he was being too practical …
when he broke up with me , I started non stop text messaging n calls . he got sick of it .. he started threaten me to not call n message him, if i will , he will tell to my family and my respect in the family will ruined….
i love him so much.. i don’t want to lose him at any cost… i just want him back to my life … i cant accept if he get married with another girl…. it was my rite that he should have taken any step for me cause i have given him my virginity… i threaten him n he was a scared punk… he got scared to me…. and now he just doesn’t want to start this relation again…
i sent him message today that i will not contact him n he too ….to start NC rule …. i am starting it from today.. i don’t know if ever he will miss me or love me that much…. but i want to strictly use it for 4 weeks… but at the same time i am scared if he decided to get married with his family girl during my NC …? i am so scared…

By: waseem

waseem — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 16:19:50 +0000

Hi Guys
My story is very very long and complex and without going into to much detail goes like this , I met my ex through a mutual friend and although she lived 300 miles away we decided to give things a go, right from the first day there were strange happenings, she would be on a call to me and then her phone would bleep (close to midnight) and she would cut me off, later she would text me saying it was her sister and she couldnt talk now as it was late, this happened daily, after a few months she started dumping me for silly reasons like i had got annoyed at something she said, i had dared to ask who she was on the phone to at night , i had a differing opinion from here, during the first year i got dumped about 20 times, each time i would text and ring continously until she gave in and said ok well give it another go, a few times when i did the nc rule she would send me a picture message or text and let me know she was at a hotel nearby with work and did i know where to get some food from, knowing i would rush to get her something then cry and boom we were back together, after a year of continous dumpings i had a friend print out her phone bills for the first few months we were together, yes i know it was wrong, but she was saying we should get engaged yet was dumping me every 4 weeks and disappearing for whole nights saying she had taken sleeping tablets and they had knocked her out, basically i found out she had still been in touch with her ex boyfriend on a nightly basis (he has a new girlfriend ) and thats who had been ringing her and both had been careful enough to withold their numbers when they rang each other, i confronted her and she turned it on me saying i had gone behind her back and invaded her privacy just like her dad does and she didnt want to be with me, eventually i forgave her and we got back together again a few months later i found out she had been using her work phone to ring him,, i confronted her again and she said she was sorry and had made a mistake, in the second year i got dumped 2 a month, yes in total in the 32 months we were together i was dumped more than a hundred times, before my birthdays, before christmases , before exams and the she would after begging and begging make up with me , im now in day2 of the NC rule and it does hurt like hell especially the last breakup which was because i had got annoyed she hadnt called me back , she told me she no longer wanted to marry me neither does she love me anymore, when we had met i was in a bit of debt and she had forced me to take 10k of her and pay my debts off, i recently got some redundancy money from work so sent her a cheque for 10k especially ever since then she had made me feel like a con artist and the only reason i stayed in the relationship was to see how much more money i could get out of her, despite never asking for anything always paying when we went out and buying her lovely presents for her birthday despite getting nothing for mine for 2 years because i was dumped, i felt giving her the money back was a big slap on the face like saying here you go you thought so wrong about me, i got a text saying i got your cheques but didnt reply to it, day 2 of NC and i know this is the best thing for me i dont want to be in a rltnshp where my feelings arent receiprocated, in her explanations she believes i was to blame and at fault for every single dumping and cant understand why we are not engaged by now, did she play me ? my mind tells me its so obvious she was still in love with her ex ( and had only broken up with him because he was a different religion and they couldnt get married because neither was willing to convert ) so i think although they decided to remove the term boyfriend/girlfriend everything else stayed the same , love, the calls, meeting up etc maybe even physically , when he moved on and got another girlfriend she thought i can do the same , but why did she stay with me 32 months then if im so bad ? why did she say things like you have qualities ill never find in another man and then dump me again a week later, im sorry guys to ramble on but inside it just hurts so much to put so much into someone and get nothing but hurt back

By: Olivia

Olivia — Tue, 04 May 2010 21:56:57 +0000

Miriam I think a large proportion of the women on this site are from the UK. It’s refreshing to know that all women of all nationalities and ages or cultures are experiencing simillar things with their troubled and troublesome men. It’s comforting.

By: Hannah Gold

Hannah Gold — Tue, 04 May 2010 21:47:33 +0000

AssClown? that’s one I haven’t heard before. Fuckwad

By: am

am — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:50:04 +0000

I cant believe it… I have been reading this site, going to counseling and working myself for the past 5 weeks of NC and then, of course, he texts that he wanted to “talk”. My gut wanted to see what he would say so of course I met him even though my head kept saying “remember what NML says about NC!!!!!” I guess I wanted to see if he had taken any of this time to consider his problem with EU and how it was tearing me and us apart. It is that stupid little glimmer of hope that makes us go back even when his patterns have not changed in the ten years that I have known him!!! UGH. So, we go to dinner and he sits there as if everything should be just normal and dandy and then goes on to say that he is sorry but he doesnt understand why i have to hate him or love him. What the hell? I am hurt, you asshole!!!! I cant bring myself to look him in the eye and he continues to deny the fact that any of the breakup came from his emotional dysfunctions which is very clearly the reason. Finally, i bring up some reasons why I think he is like that and I see a few tears from him, He is human???.. but he very quickly brings the conversation back to casual discussion. Then he decides we should go to get yogurt. What am I thinking. So we walk completely at a distance, sit across from each other not talking and he keeps trying to bring up the fricken small talk. UGH. No responsibility whatsoever. I felt like I was watching an 5 year old across from me who has no awareness of the mess he has made, or does and is completely denying it. Needless to say, i go home feeling like the day he bailed out on me again. Complete rejection, no emotions reciprocated…. sadness. I was doing so good. SO, lesson learned…do not break NC rule, whatever you do. THEY DO NOT CHANGE. On a side note, I handed him a copy of my “Recognizing Emotional Unavailability and Learning to Make Healtier Relationship Choices” book and told him to read it so he could see what he does to everyone he dates.

By: Miriam

Miriam — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:08:16 +0000

P.S. I am from the USA, Florida are you women from somewhere else? Just asking because certain phrases are not familiar

By: Miriam

Miriam — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:05:02 +0000

Hello there. I do not know the difference between posting or blogging. I found this site by researching EUM. I believe that I am with an EUM. I have been with him for 10yrs. Very hurtful, frustrating and energy consuming. I like the courage that I have read here and it is all starting to make sense to me. I will tell you that I have had a breakdown this past month and had NC for the last week. I have nver experienced that kind of pain and obsession in my life. I did fall today and broke the NCR. I will probably be back here shortly to try again, which at that time I will go into more details. Thak you for the experience, strenght and hope I have found here.

By: moveonatlast

moveonatlast — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 13:44:34 +0000

well I had test after 4 weeks of me keeping the NCR, my ex partner sent a text just asking ‘how i was’, I haven’t replied and it was 5 days ago-though have been constantly thinking about replying but know the feeling will pass and I will soon be gald that I kept to the NCR for my own self worth,respect and sanity.

By: sadkitty

sadkitty — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 01:10:01 +0000

Hi Sarah,

I’m on day 24 of NC. I’m still hurting and obsessing and wondering if I will hear from him. This was the first and only break up we have had so although he fits the profile of an A/C EUM I dont know if he is the type to try to get me to come back to him. If he is as close to being gods gift women as he had always claimed to be then I’m sure he has plenty of other girls willing to put up with his BS. OK and I’m obviously at the bitter stage as well. Anyway, what I can tell you is that although I am still constantly thinking about him it is getting better. I didnt cry today, I havent had those awful dreams where I see him with his new girl, and I dont have that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. One thing that was getting me more and more upset is how everynight I would look at the phone one last time before going to bed and realize that this was one more day that he didnt try to reach out to me. Well in the last few days although they were gutwrenching I think I am coming to the conclusion that he does not miss me and that he has surly moved on. This acceptance I is where the healing begins. I’m sorry for what you are feeling its horrible. Stay strong and DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Read some of the other posts about people who have broke NC and not one of them had a good out come.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 00:14:04 +0000

Hello,
I am currently engaging in NC with my ex EUM – It’s been 4 weeks, and neither of us has contacted. We were together 2 yrs, but have been breaking up on and off for a year. He ended things, though I should have sooner – maybe that’s why I feel so awful and out of control. Is NC truly going to help me get past this? When will I feel better? I’ve been concentrating on all of the bad, and not romanticizing our relationship. I just wonder how effective NC is, when I’ll I’m doing is obsessing over when or if I will hear from him…

By: ReginaToxicodendronDiversilobum

ReginaToxicodendronDiversilobum — Thu, 28 May 2009 07:31:33 +0000

Hi Teri, I have not been here in awhile. You might find if you post on other articles that are more active, you get more feedback. I guess my advice to you is it seems you are fishing in the same pond you found your ex in, I'd try as much as possible to work on those friendships in circles that she is not involved in. There is no comfortable way to hang out with someone who is dating an ex who you are not *totally* over. So, if it were me I'd tell this woman that you can't be in that situation, and you are going to get out of the way, and wish them the best, etc. Otherwise you are setting yourself up to be a "wailing wall" for whenever this woman has a trouble with your ex, she can seek you out to complain about it, get your feelings and emotions, and what do you get? Probably some jealousy, regret, and other backwash feelings. Staying connected with your ex in any way impedes your own healing, and any mature adult would understand and respect this boundary. It sounds like you are totally in a drama zone here, so show yourself some self respect and avoid people with jail terms and sudden orientation conversions. Pay attention to your own life, and all this drama will diminish and become like the annoying buzzing of mosquitos. Blessings, dear! ReginaToxicodendronDiversilobumâ€™s last blog post..RITUAL OF HAND-PARTING, DIVORCE OR BREAK UP

By: Teri

Teri — Thu, 28 May 2009 05:27:53 +0000

Hiya, I guess I am the only only one checking in. It’s ok, in a way it’s like some wierd therapy. Anyway, I found out recently that the evil ex hooked up with a one time mutual friend of ours. She works with her, but the woman wanted to hang with me when she was off, like shopping, crafts, partying, we even talked about starting our own resell shop. Next thing you know, she’s not answering her phone, my girl is suppose to be over there helping with a sick dog, and I never got a chance to talk to her again, because apparently my girl CONVERTED yet another straight chick, her. I had no idea what was going on. And I doubt that her husband, who will be getting out of prison soon, knows either. I heard my ex is upset a lot and cries over her, she’s a player too obviously. How messed up is that? What is wrong with people? I know they have a little in common, like my ex picked up drugs again, and guess who provides it? I wasn’t into that. So darn sad. well, later

By: Teri

Teri — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:22:04 +0000

Hi, it’s me, Teri, checking in again. Although I am doing better and getting on with my life (however so slowly), I believe I am now in the royally PO stage. I have NO desire to talk to her, see her, or even drive by anywhere she might be, I don’t want ANY explanations or excuses or anything from her. She is a prime example of EVIL. I have been married 2 times to two great guys and have had my fair share of boyfriends. But, when it came to the ONLY female relationship I have ever had, and what I thought was the absolute perfect soul mate for me, ends up being the ONLY person in my entire life who has ever treated me what I thought was the total best, to treating me the absolute worst. I can combine all my relationships and still she is the cruelest, meanest, heartless by a zillion miles. NO ONE has ever done me this way. I will never be the same, thank GOD. I still believe in love, but will never be that stupid again.

By: teri

teri — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:32:52 +0000

Hi, its Teri, just checking in to let you know what has been going on since last I wrote. School is going really well, 3.7 gpa!!!! and work is going. I need more hours anyway, guess who I saw recently? Like less than 50 ft. away, too. Yep, the meany. We both just looked the other way and that was that. I was amazed that she didn’t even attempt to come over and say something. Maybe she knew nothing would come of it anyway. I mean, right now, NOTHING she says I would believe or probably want to hear. What I would like to know is how the hell do people totally act like they never knew someone when they have so much history. For heavens sake, it wasn’t all bad. It’s like we never existed. An annulment is what it is called in the Catholic religion, right? An old friend of mine who was married for over 25 yrs. was suddenly faced with what she thought was a divorce, painful as that is, but lo and behold, no, it was an anullment. Her asshole ex husband applied for and got it. What the hell? She was a terrific mom and raised 2 great boys. One a doctor the other a pilot turned attorney. What is going on with all that? Well, seeing her the other day brought a lump in my throat, but that was about it. I have no desire to talk to her, I don’t want to know any more than what I know, and she can get the fleas of a 1000camels in her armpits and I don’t care.

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:11:56 +0000

Falling,

Block, block, block!!!!!! You know that if you do have contact with him again it will set back to a really bad place.

You said that when you confronted him with his behavior, he bailed. This cannot be what you want in a man. You’re never going to get what you need from an individual like this as he incapable of accepting responsibility and doesn’t seem to care about anyone but himself. His actions say it all!!

I think you need to ask yourself why you need validation from someone who has already show their true colors. He is not available. Go back and reread the article on validation and see if it gives you a little more clarity.