Comments on: The No Contact Rule: The Get Out Plan http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 16:33:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Trinity http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-259964 Trinity Fri, 30 Apr 2010 23:28:53 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-259964 Anti depressants do cause that issue, they can get it up but it's hard to ejaculate. Also a lot of men with emotional issues, especially ones who get overwhelmed and withdraw, well it affects their labido just the same as when we are struggling. For the most part my x and I had a great sex life but when he withdraw (hot/cold stuff that drives us nuts) then he withdrew all the way, he often still wanted to have sex but the erection could be weaker and would have a hard time ejaculating. I think we all could do with some post about men and how stress affects their labido? No sense in blaming yourself for it. They are not robots and stress/moods/anxiety/meds affect them just like us. I'm be more worried if I were being disrespected in bed ! Anti depressants do cause that issue, they can get it up but it’s hard to ejaculate. Also a lot of men with emotional issues, especially ones who get overwhelmed and withdraw, well it affects their labido just the same as when we are struggling.
For the most part my x and I had a great sex life but when he withdraw (hot/cold stuff that drives us nuts) then he withdrew all the way, he often still wanted to have sex but the erection could be weaker and would have a hard time ejaculating. I think we all could do with some post about men and how stress affects their labido? No sense in blaming yourself for it. They are not robots and stress/moods/anxiety/meds affect them just like us.
I’m be more worried if I were being disrespected in bed !

]]> By: Angel Eyes http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-229574 Angel Eyes Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:40:49 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-229574 Well I cut my EUM off cold turkey, well I think it was along the lines of just getting fed up and I just woke up in the morning and ended it. I told him its over I need, want,deserve more then your willing to give or capable of giving and I will wait for the man to come that shares the same feelings about a relationship and commitment as I do..Soooooo See yeah..He did not like it he tried to call me and talk but I did not take his call I am done with this its hurts some moments more then the other but I have to push my way through this.. Well I cut my EUM off cold turkey, well I think it was along the lines of just getting fed up and I just woke up in the morning and ended it.
I told him its over I need, want,deserve more then your willing to give or capable of giving and I will wait for the man to come that shares the same feelings about a relationship and commitment as I do..Soooooo See yeah..He did not like it he tried to call me and talk but I did not take his call I am done with this its hurts some moments more then the other but I have to push my way through this..

]]> By: Stacilee http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-227775 Stacilee Tue, 19 May 2009 15:46:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-227775 I am so thankful that I found this site as it has really helped me out these past few weeks. I have been unable to do No Contact, so I am going to try the Get out Plan. He wants to be my friend and I cannot do this to myself any longer. I need to learn to breathe on my own. I am so thankful that I found this site as it has really helped me out these past few weeks. I have been unable to do No Contact, so I am going to try the Get out Plan. He wants to be my friend and I cannot do this to myself any longer. I need to learn to breathe on my own.

]]> By: Tulipa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-154379 Tulipa Sun, 11 May 2008 00:06:09 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-154379 Thankyou Ly, I somehow know he won't make the decesion and it has to come from me. So far I have made no contact this weekend . I will wait for him to contact me and I will have a go. xx thankyou Thankyou Ly, I somehow know he won’t make the decesion and it has to come from me. So far I have made no contact this weekend . I will wait for him to contact me and I will have a go. xx thankyou

]]> By: ly http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-154353 ly Sat, 10 May 2008 20:44:33 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-154353 tulipa, i know it's hard...i too have an addiction to my EUM. it's 20 days NC for me (!!). the first two weeks were extremely difficult but it does get a little bit easier each day. my EUM wasn't seeing anyone else, but he wouldn't commit to me, either. well, he said he was totally committed to me as a friend and if he were ready for a relationship, it would be me. and he asked why can't i just be happy with that? i had tried NC before, but always broke it within a week. i too couldn't find the exit door but i realized it was closer than i thought...i always wanted him to make that decision - to be with me or not to be with me. i finally had to walk away from it. it's hard and i miss him like you wouldn't believe. but when i feel like calling him, i post here instead ;-) be kind to yourself - create the clarity you need and make that decision for yourself. good luck xoxo tulipa,

i know it’s hard…i too have an addiction to my EUM. it’s 20 days NC for me (!!). the first two weeks were extremely difficult but it does get a little bit easier each day.

my EUM wasn’t seeing anyone else, but he wouldn’t commit to me, either. well, he said he was totally committed to me as a friend and if he were ready for a relationship, it would be me. and he asked why can’t i just be happy with that?

i had tried NC before, but always broke it within a week. i too couldn’t find the exit door but i realized it was closer than i thought…i always wanted him to make that decision – to be with me or not to be with me. i finally had to walk away from it. it’s hard and i miss him like you wouldn’t believe. but when i feel like calling him, i post here instead ;-)

be kind to yourself – create the clarity you need and make that decision for yourself.

good luck
xoxo

]]> By: Tulipa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-154272 Tulipa Sat, 10 May 2008 10:25:42 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-154272 I truly have an addiction to my EUM. I want out but can't seem to find the exit door. I know I am too available for him. He invited me out this weekend I couldn't go the first time I had to say no to him and now it turns I out I could have gone so here I sit in withdrawals wondering if my exit door will be him breaking it off with me Im practically sitting on my hands not to ring him to say hey I can see you after all. Why is it so hard to break it off ?? Its not a good relationship and it seems to be on all his terms and he does tell me I'm not his girlfriend and there is no long term for us . Any insights would be nice. Sigh I find no contact terrifying but know that I really want to break my addiction to him. I truly have an addiction to my EUM. I want out but can’t seem to find the exit door. I know I am too available for him. He invited me out this weekend I couldn’t go the first time I had to say no to him and now it turns I out I could have gone so here I sit in withdrawals wondering if my exit door will be him breaking it off with me Im practically sitting on my hands not to ring him to say hey I can see you after all. Why is it so hard to break it off ?? Its not a good relationship and it seems to be on all his terms and he does tell me I’m not his girlfriend and there is no long term for us . Any insights would be nice. Sigh I find no contact terrifying but know that I really want to break my addiction to him.

]]> By: FinallyOverIt http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152266 FinallyOverIt Fri, 02 May 2008 15:19:51 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152266 Amen, Sindh! I totally share your thoughts on this. This website is a great resource for gaining insight and then applying the knowledge you gained to truly make changes in your life. We need to make it ALL ABOUT US, not about these sad man-boys who are clueless. We need to empower ourselves, look within ourselves and do the hard work of tapping into why we choose the wrong men--this is where our energy should be placed. It's sad to see that some of us have taken such a hit from these EUMs that it has impacted how we feel about ourselves and how we think the world sees us. Amen, Sindh! I totally share your thoughts on this. This website is a great resource for gaining insight and then applying the knowledge you gained to truly make changes in your life. We need to make it ALL ABOUT US, not about these sad man-boys who are clueless. We need to empower ourselves, look within ourselves and do the hard work of tapping into why we choose the wrong men–this is where our energy should be placed. It’s sad to see that some of us have taken such a hit from these EUMs that it has impacted how we feel about ourselves and how we think the world sees us.

]]> By: Sindh http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152226 Sindh Fri, 02 May 2008 07:24:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152226 As long as we keep looking for answers everywhere but ourselves I guess we may find none. I have spent months trying to figure my EU out and I am nowhere near to an answer than I was months ago, sometimes ladies there are no answers. Life is and always will be inside out. The answers are within us. When we are right, stand for something, believe in ourselves, things will very SLOWLY start to fall in place. Thanks to NML, you ladies I am begining to visualise that path. This energy we give our them via our thoughts are depleting, I felt like I was treading this toxic swamp where I could neither swim or sink. I was miserable and all I could do was cry and not once was I offered solace or a kind word from him. Not once was he there when I needed him but I was there for him every single time. I did what NML suggested, put the NC in place and well it has not been easy but this time I really wanted to get out but it works. IT WORKS IF YOU WANT IT TO WORK. Does not matter how long you've been with this EUM or how old you are, life is too short to be condoing bad behaviour and abuse. Get out, Get Right, Chose Right and we'll live and love right God Bless As long as we keep looking for answers everywhere but ourselves I guess we may find none. I have spent months trying to figure my EU out and I am nowhere near to an answer than I was months ago, sometimes ladies there are no answers. Life is and always will be inside out. The answers are within us.

When we are right, stand for something, believe in ourselves, things will very SLOWLY start to fall in place. Thanks to NML, you ladies I am begining to visualise that path.

This energy we give our them via our thoughts are depleting, I felt like I was treading this toxic swamp where I could neither swim or sink. I was miserable and all I could do was cry and not once was I offered solace or a kind word from him. Not once was he there when I needed him but I was there for him every single time.

I did what NML suggested, put the NC in place and well it has not been easy but this time I really wanted to get out but it works.

IT WORKS IF YOU WANT IT TO WORK.

Does not matter how long you’ve been with this EUM or how old you are, life is too short to be condoing bad behaviour and abuse.

Get out, Get Right, Chose Right and we’ll live and love right

God Bless

]]> By: JC http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152210 JC Fri, 02 May 2008 04:24:29 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152210 I can't wait to try this plan. I've tried the no-contact rule with the guy I've been seeing 4 or 5 times and I can't stick to it for more than a week because he really pursues me when I ignore it. After my last NC episode he said it was a turn on because I was sticking up for myself! (guess he knows he's a jerk) I feel horrible when I'm with him and when I'm not with him and I know I can do a lot better. This last time he pulled the trump card, took me home to meet his mother. I got along great with her and she told him she really liked me, but that didnt matter and within 2 days his behavior was back to normal (not returning calls or texts etc.). So I'm ready to be done and I'm setting a deadline of May 31! Wish me luck, this guy is my Kryptonite. I can’t wait to try this plan. I’ve tried the no-contact rule with the guy I’ve been seeing 4 or 5 times and I can’t stick to it for more than a week because he really pursues me when I ignore it. After my last NC episode he said it was a turn on because I was sticking up for myself! (guess he knows he’s a jerk)

I feel horrible when I’m with him and when I’m not with him and I know I can do a lot better. This last time he pulled the trump card, took me home to meet his mother. I got along great with her and she told him she really liked me, but that didnt matter and within 2 days his behavior was back to normal (not returning calls or texts etc.).

So I’m ready to be done and I’m setting a deadline of May 31! Wish me luck, this guy is my Kryptonite.

]]> By: Fake It 'Til I Make It http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152184 Fake It 'Til I Make It Thu, 01 May 2008 22:01:50 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152184 Kim, you're so right. It was easy to chalk the ED up to his own problems and the amount of stress he was under at the time. But after months? It's impossible not to let that get to you. And never before had I been with someone who seemed so lukewarm about getting me naked for Christ's sake! Once I went over to his house on a whim and we started making out. He had plans to go to a bar with some friends, who called while I was topless. I actually had to convince him not to go! And we had only fooled around a few times before -- it's not like we were in some years-long relationship and been sleeping together for ages. I really don't think I have a lot of body hang-ups, but my experience with him have certainly made me more anxious. While I'm pretty sure he isn't a narcissist, he's definitely an EUM. And the ED wasn't a medical problem; he could occasionally get an erection. And I've spent enough time reading about ED on the internet to know that such evidence indicates that his was an emotional or psychological problem. OverIt, I hear what you're saying. At the end of the day it may not matter much why these guys are the way they are. But I think it is important to acknowledge how their behavior has affected us. For a long time, I tried to pretend that my ex's problems with ED didn't screw with my self-confidence and saddle me with all kinds of doubts about whether I'm attractive enough for a guy to get hard when I'm lying in bed naked (can you think of a lower threshold?). Acting as though that isn't the result of my relationship with my ex is intellectually dishonest -- I'd never suffered these thoughts before -- but also emotionally damaging. And this guy, the one who had so many problems getting it up? He has the gall to tell me after we'd broken up that he couldn't imagine staying in a relationship without sex. WTF is that all about? He had no problem dating ME without sex for several months: I was the one who ended it! It's like he was trying to rewrite history! Kim, you’re so right. It was easy to chalk the ED up to his own problems and the amount of stress he was under at the time. But after months? It’s impossible not to let that get to you. And never before had I been with someone who seemed so lukewarm about getting me naked for Christ’s sake! Once I went over to his house on a whim and we started making out. He had plans to go to a bar with some friends, who called while I was topless. I actually had to convince him not to go! And we had only fooled around a few times before — it’s not like we were in some years-long relationship and been sleeping together for ages.
I really don’t think I have a lot of body hang-ups, but my experience with him have certainly made me more anxious.

While I’m pretty sure he isn’t a narcissist, he’s definitely an EUM. And the ED wasn’t a medical problem; he could occasionally get an erection. And I’ve spent enough time reading about ED on the internet to know that such evidence indicates that his was an emotional or psychological problem.

OverIt, I hear what you’re saying. At the end of the day it may not matter much why these guys are the way they are. But I think it is important to acknowledge how their behavior has affected us. For a long time, I tried to pretend that my ex’s problems with ED didn’t screw with my self-confidence and saddle me with all kinds of doubts about whether I’m attractive enough for a guy to get hard when I’m lying in bed naked (can you think of a lower threshold?). Acting as though that isn’t the result of my relationship with my ex is intellectually dishonest — I’d never suffered these thoughts before — but also emotionally damaging.

And this guy, the one who had so many problems getting it up? He has the gall to tell me after we’d broken up that he couldn’t imagine staying in a relationship without sex. WTF is that all about? He had no problem dating ME without sex for several months: I was the one who ended it! It’s like he was trying to rewrite history!

]]> By: Kim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152172 Kim Thu, 01 May 2008 17:34:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152172 Lee - that was true of my situation as well. There were times he had ED but most of the time he would say he had ejac when he hadn't. Talk about "faking" an orgasm! I agree with you that genuine intimacy is prob the underlying prob. Lee – that was true of my situation as well. There were times he had ED but most of the time he would say he had ejac when he hadn’t. Talk about “faking” an orgasm! I agree with you that genuine intimacy is prob the underlying prob.

]]> By: NML http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152171 NML Thu, 01 May 2008 17:29:57 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152171 Thanks for all of your comments! I have just written this post http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/bad-relationship-and-bad-sex/ which I think some of you will like! Thanks for all of your comments! I have just written this post http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/bad-relationship-and-bad-sex/
which I think some of you will like!

]]> By: Lee http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152169 Lee Thu, 01 May 2008 17:13:53 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152169 I was also thinking about the whole ED thing and my situation was a little different in that he could get an incredible erection.....but after a while he couldn't ejac. Of course like all of you I thought was it something with me? He assured me it was his anti-depressant he was taking. But then I began to wonder if he was out shagging someone else either earlier that day or even the night or day before and therefore did not have the "reserve". Who knows, but so sad that I allowed myself to settle for that and so many more selfish acts on his part sexually. Maybe also the ED as was mentioned comes from having absolutely NO EMOTIONS attached to the act or any genuine affection for you!! I was also thinking about the whole ED thing and my situation was a little different in that he could get an incredible erection…..but after a while he couldn’t ejac. Of course like all of you I thought was it something with me? He assured me it was his anti-depressant he was taking. But then I began to wonder if he was out shagging someone else either earlier that day or even the night or day before and therefore did not have the “reserve”. Who knows, but so sad that I allowed myself to settle for that and so many more selfish acts on his part sexually. Maybe also the ED as was mentioned comes from having absolutely NO EMOTIONS attached to the act or any genuine affection for you!!

]]> By: FinallyOverIt http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152168 FinallyOverIt Thu, 01 May 2008 17:12:43 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152168 It seems clear that we want answers as to why our EUMs are the way they are. But, part of letting go and moving on is coming to the conclusion that we probably will never know the reasons why they are EUMs, we can't rationalize their behavior or make any sense of it, and the bottom line is we don't need people like this in our lives. Why waste time trying to psycho-analyze them? They aren't spending any time at all trying to figure us out! I would much rather spend my time and emotional investment on someone who is worth it. It seems clear that we want answers as to why our EUMs are the way they are. But, part of letting go and moving on is coming to the conclusion that we probably will never know the reasons why they are EUMs, we can’t rationalize their behavior or make any sense of it, and the bottom line is we don’t need people like this in our lives. Why waste time trying to psycho-analyze them? They aren’t spending any time at all trying to figure us out! I would much rather spend my time and emotional investment on someone who is worth it.

]]> By: Astelle http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/comment-page-1/#comment-152163 Astelle Thu, 01 May 2008 15:52:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule-the-get-out-plan/#comment-152163 I believe now that my dude is also a narcissist and they really don't like women (issues from childhood). If you have time, read about narcissists and see if you recognize your guy. I am not joking, sex is not that important than Control and manipulation is to them! I believe some participate in gay activities and they date women - because that is what a man is suppose to do, isn't it? So, they date women here and there - not capable to commitment - one day they come across women like us that hang on - perfect, if they need ego strokes or the occasional sex, they know where to go to. My dude, throw in the alcohol, age, high blood pressure - you get the picture. If you think that your guy is truly just EU due to other reason than narcissist, it may be a medical issue. I believe now that my dude is also a narcissist and they really don’t like women (issues from childhood). If you have time, read about narcissists and see if you recognize your guy. I am not joking, sex is not that important than Control and manipulation is to them!
I believe some participate in gay activities and they date women – because that is what a man is suppose to do, isn’t it?
So, they date women here and there – not capable to commitment – one day they come across women like us that hang on – perfect, if they need ego strokes or the occasional sex, they know where to go to.
My dude, throw in the alcohol, age, high blood pressure – you get the picture.
If you think that your guy is truly just EU due to other reason than narcissist, it may be a medical issue.

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