Comments on: The No Contact Rule http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Fri, 12 Mar 2010 12:50:12 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: JJ http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253869 JJ Thu, 11 Mar 2010 12:53:32 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253869 Thanks for the advice Shelby. Good luck to you. JJ Thanks for the advice Shelby. Good luck to you.

JJ

]]> By: Shelby http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253849 Shelby Thu, 11 Mar 2010 03:13:49 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253849 I had stumbled on this page while trying to find some advise with my own Mr Emotionally Unavailable. If you have gotten through one day with no contact then you will get through another. You have already done it once you will do it again. He does this to you because you let him. It has been done to me only because I allowed it. If he had it in him to be with you fully and completely he would have by now. That is the ephiphany that I am working through now. Stay strong. I had stumbled on this page while trying to find some advise with my own Mr Emotionally Unavailable. If you have gotten through one day with no contact then you will get through another. You have already done it once you will do it again. He does this to you because you let him. It has been done to me only because I allowed it. If he had it in him to be with you fully and completely he would have by now. That is the ephiphany that I am working through now.
Stay strong.

]]> By: JJ http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253836 JJ Thu, 11 Mar 2010 01:00:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253836 Hi Penelope I had to reply to your message because it seems like we are just about seeing the same exact person being that you said he used his anger in ways to belittle you and you stated that he is very insecure. Yea it does sound like he was definitely just trying to regain some CONTROL and POWER by not responding back to you. All he needed was a little bit of Reassurance from you to boost his EGO. I know you feel like you are at square one again and now you got to start all over but it has to be worth it in the in. I just got of a relationship with a guy a year this month actually. I was doing the NCR(no contact) on him for about 7 days; no emails; no texts; or anything and on that 7th day he called me. I didn't answer immediately. But he left a message stating that Well I'm trying to call you; but since you can't answer your phone; Have a Nice Life!! He said this in a mean degrading way. I ofcourse the emotional one that I am; not thinking smart; returned his call and right then that was his chance to take back that CONTROL and POWER. He threw the bait and I caught it. After I called him back things were really just the same; no changes; him still insecure; not spending time or being with me; talking down on me and angry at me cause his life was all suddenly SREWED up.. Week two its a Friday night he calls me; again I had not called him but he calls me and states that he's out with some friends and when I asked who; he still didn't give me any justifications of who he was with. Its a Friday night; and if we are together like we say we are then why wouldn't he be out with me? During that convo he kind of brushed me off the phone and saying he'd give me a call back. Point 1. At that very moment I had once boosted his EGO again by asking him who he was with and then asking him why he couldn't specify. After we hung up I thought to myself; WTH? No woman deserves to be treated like this and I am suppose to agree with it? I called him back about an hour later ; he didn't answer and I left on his voicemail that I thought we should go our seperate ways since I obviously wanted this more than him and I wasn't getting that. Sent him a very ugly email and let him have it. (It was pretty cruel but the TRUTH about everything and how unfairly he treated me. He never called me back that night. Sat is the next following day; I didn't call or contact him. Sunday comes and that's when I begin to feel myself breaking; and contacted him only because I started to feel bad about the email I sent; and number 2 I already knew he was experiencing a job loss and that following week. So I'm now wanting to take back a few of the ugly things I said in the email that I sent over the past few days and reach out to him. WRONG MOVE!! Telling him that I apologize I have been calling him; and texting for 3 days all to no response...It is day 5 for him and he has not responded to any of my calls or msg's. At this very moment he may be trying to take back that CONTROL and POWER once again by flipping the script and not responding to me but ITS' Definitely OVA!! It won't be another chapter with him; only a different NEW story;cause its time to rewrite the SCRIPT!! Good luck and hang in there! JJ Hi Penelope

I had to reply to your message because it seems like we are just about seeing the same exact person being that you said he used his anger in ways to belittle you and you stated that he is very insecure. Yea it does sound like he was definitely just trying to regain some CONTROL and POWER by not responding back to you. All he needed was a little bit of Reassurance from you to boost his EGO. I know you feel like you are at square one again and now you got to start all over but it has to be worth it in the in.

I just got of a relationship with a guy a year this month actually. I was doing the NCR(no contact) on him for about 7 days; no emails; no texts; or anything and on that 7th day he called me. I didn’t answer immediately. But he left a message stating that Well I’m trying to call you; but since you can’t answer your phone; Have a Nice Life!! He said this in a mean degrading way. I ofcourse the emotional one that I am; not thinking smart; returned his call and right then that was his chance to take back that CONTROL and POWER. He threw the bait and I caught it. After I called him back things were really just the same; no changes; him still insecure; not spending time or being with me; talking down on me and angry at me cause his life was all suddenly SREWED up..

Week two its a Friday night he calls me; again I had not called him but he calls me and states that he’s out with some friends and when I asked who; he still didn’t give me any justifications of who he was with. Its a Friday night; and if we are together like we say we are then why wouldn’t he be out with me? During that convo he kind of brushed me off the phone and saying he’d give me a call back. Point 1. At that very moment I had once boosted his EGO again by asking him who he was with and then asking him why he couldn’t specify. After we hung up I thought to myself; WTH? No woman deserves to be treated like this and I am suppose to agree with it? I called him back about an hour later ; he didn’t answer and I left on his voicemail that I thought we should go our seperate ways since I obviously wanted this more than him and I wasn’t getting that. Sent him a very ugly email and let him have it. (It was pretty cruel but the TRUTH about everything and how unfairly he treated me. He never called me back that night.

Sat is the next following day; I didn’t call or contact him. Sunday comes and that’s when I begin to feel myself breaking; and contacted him only because I started to feel bad about the email I sent; and number 2 I already knew he was experiencing a job loss and that following week. So I’m now wanting to take back a few of the ugly things I said in the email that I sent over the past few days and reach out to him. WRONG MOVE!! Telling him that I apologize I have been calling him; and texting for 3 days all to no response…It is day 5 for him and he has not responded to any of my calls or msg’s. At this very moment he may be trying to take back that CONTROL and POWER once again by flipping the script and not responding to me but ITS’ Definitely OVA!! It won’t be another chapter with him; only a different NEW story;cause its time to rewrite the SCRIPT!! Good luck and hang in there!

JJ

]]> By: JJ http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253828 JJ Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:34:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253828 Help!! I am back at square one again.. I was on my 7th day of the NCR made absolutely no calls; emails; or texts during that entire time and on that 7th day he calls me. I didn't answer immediately.. I guess cause I didn't answer; he leaves me a msg on my voicemail saying well I'm trying to call; since you can't answer your phone " Have a Nice Life. I being the emotional person that I am called him back a few minutes later... Yes he threw the bait and reeled me back in. During the next few days there really wasn't much that made me think any different; no sudden changes; nothing and on last week I left word on his voicemail immediately after he called me and told me he was out with friends; with no justifications of specifying who... Get this he called me!! I didn't call him. He said he'd call me back in a few but after about an hour I started to think to myself.. WTH? Is he crazy? No woman in they're right mind would except this behavior. I immediately called his phone back; no answer and I left on his voicemail that I thought that we should just part ways. Two days later I emailed and called him only because I was feeling emotional knowing what he was up against ( mostly hardship of him loosing his job)which he had mentioned to me that night he called me and told me he was out with the friends; couldn't tell me he was out with. Basically I wanted to reach out and have been doing so for the past three days. He hasn't returned any of my calls or emails for the last 5 days. Today I have managed not to make any contact. So now I am back at square one again. I cannot keep putting myself through this. Help!!! Help!! I am back at square one again.. I was on my 7th day of the NCR made absolutely no calls; emails; or texts during that entire time and on that 7th day he calls me. I didn’t answer immediately.. I guess cause I didn’t answer; he leaves me a msg on my voicemail saying well I’m trying to call; since you can’t answer your phone ” Have a Nice Life. I being the emotional person that I am called him back a few minutes later… Yes he threw the bait and reeled me back in. During the next few days there really wasn’t much that made me think any different; no sudden changes; nothing and on last week I left word on his voicemail immediately after he called me and told me he was out with friends; with no justifications of specifying who… Get this he called me!! I didn’t call him. He said he’d call me back in a few but after about an hour I started to think to myself.. WTH? Is he crazy? No woman in they’re right mind would except this behavior. I immediately called his phone back; no answer and I left on his voicemail that I thought that we should just part ways.
Two days later I emailed and called him only because I was feeling emotional knowing what he was up against ( mostly hardship of him loosing his job)which he had mentioned to me that night he called me and told me he was out with the friends; couldn’t tell me he was out with. Basically I wanted to reach out and have been doing so for the past three days. He hasn’t returned any of my calls or emails for the last 5 days. Today I have managed not to make any contact. So now I am back at square one again. I cannot keep putting myself through this. Help!!!

]]> By: Maurice http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253351 Maurice Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:27:02 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253351 "he called me a week later and I didn’t answer right then and there but waited the next day to return the call" Wouldn't that also suggest that you think it's all about you? So when you ignore his call its ok but when he ignores yours he's being selfish. “he called me a week later and I didn’t answer right then and there but waited the next day to return the call”

Wouldn’t that also suggest that you think it’s all about you?

So when you ignore his call its ok but when he ignores yours he’s being selfish.

]]> By: Used http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253215 Used Tue, 02 Mar 2010 19:37:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253215 Penelope-- Too many spelling errors: "bot" should be "bit"; "doins" should be "doing"; "freindly" should be "friendly"; ;and "ti" should be "to." Too many pregnancy hormones running rampant. Sorry. (And the pregnancy is why Iam in the house, and online more, this week.) :) Penelope–
Too many spelling errors: “bot” should be “bit”; “doins” should be “doing”; “freindly” should be “friendly”; ;and “ti” should be “to.”

Too many pregnancy hormones running rampant. Sorry. (And the pregnancy is why Iam in the house, and online more, this week.) :)

]]> By: penelope http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253203 penelope Tue, 02 Mar 2010 17:07:25 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253203 Wow! Thank you so much for your input! What you wrote was perfectly said and I think will definitely show him that I am no longer his doormat. It is also a perfect way of showing him that my interest in meeting up was more for our children than for him. Thank you, thank you! Wow! Thank you so much for your input! What you wrote was perfectly said and I think will definitely show him that I am no longer his doormat. It is also a perfect way of showing him that my interest in meeting up was more for our children than for him.

Thank you, thank you!

]]> By: Used http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253199 Used Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:05:55 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253199 Penelope-- Grab a bot of power back by telling him the truth in ONE last email, and then go No Contact Forever. You will write: In my last email to you, I stated that we should meet up so that we would have decent closure to move on based on my belief that doins so would be best for our children, as they are freindly with each other and should not be subject to the negative energy between us; however, based on the fact that later facts show that you were obviously insincere in your proposal to meet up for good closure, I will use this email as an opportunity--our last opportunity--to provide closure here via saying goodbye, and leave me and my family alone. I do not want my children to be subjected ti your presence, or that of your children, who will, no doubt, be influenced by you in their behavior, values, judgments, and morals. Best of luck to you. You can not have No Contact while your kids continue to be around each other. Make sure they are NEVER are around each other. Penelope–
Grab a bot of power back by telling him the truth in ONE last email, and then go No Contact Forever. You will write: In my last email to you, I stated that we should meet up so that we would have decent closure to move on based on my belief that doins so would be best for our children, as they are freindly with each other and should not be subject to the negative energy between us; however, based on the fact that later facts show that you were obviously insincere in your proposal to meet up for good closure, I will use this email as an opportunity–our last opportunity–to provide closure here via saying goodbye, and leave me and my family alone. I do not want my children to be subjected ti your presence, or that of your children, who will, no doubt, be influenced by you in their behavior, values, judgments, and morals. Best of luck to you.

You can not have No Contact while your kids continue to be around each other. Make sure they are NEVER are around each other.

]]> By: penelope http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-253165 penelope Tue, 02 Mar 2010 01:14:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-253165 Hi there, I started the no contact rule after a final blow up by him whereby he humiliated me in a club and told me amongst other things that he hated me. We had been dating for 3 years and were madly in love, but he has anger issues and is terribly insecure. When he even gets slightly angry horrible things shoot out of his mouth and he will degrade me instantly. Anyway, for the first time in 3 years, I applied the NC rule because I finally had enough. I refused to take blame for things that were not my fault anymore and stopped arguing with him and stopped all contact. It has been 10 days and although he tried to contact me a few times, since I never replied. However, yesterday I FAILED! He wrote me an email saying that he didn't want things to end in such a bad way and that he really loved me and missed me and would like to meet me for coffee to have a civil conversation as "anger is not closure". I fell for the sincerity thinking that he was right and as we do not have children together, between us we have 5 and our kids are friends and I thought it would be a good idea to try and be civil. ANYWAY, I wrote him back something very simple, just saying that I agree anger is not closure and that I would be willing to get together at some point. GUESS WHAT? NO REPLY!!! I FAILED!!!!! I feel terrible and believe he just did it to regain his power...what a jerk! NOW WHAT? I would appreciate any suggestions. Should I write back and say on second thought, I"m not interested in meeting, I need more time???? Thanks so much! Hi there, I started the no contact rule after a final blow up by him whereby he humiliated me in a club and told me amongst other things that he hated me. We had been dating for 3 years and were madly in love, but he has anger issues and is terribly insecure. When he even gets slightly angry horrible things shoot out of his mouth and he will degrade me instantly. Anyway, for the first time in 3 years, I applied the NC rule because I finally had enough. I refused to take blame for things that were not my fault anymore and stopped arguing with him and stopped all contact. It has been 10 days and although he tried to contact me a few times, since I never replied. However, yesterday I FAILED! He wrote me an email saying that he didn’t want things to end in such a bad way and that he really loved me and missed me and would like to meet me for coffee to have a civil conversation as “anger is not closure”. I fell for the sincerity thinking that he was right and as we do not have children together, between us we have 5 and our kids are friends and I thought it would be a good idea to try and be civil. ANYWAY, I wrote him back something very simple, just saying that I agree anger is not closure and that I would be willing to get together at some point. GUESS WHAT? NO REPLY!!! I FAILED!!!!! I feel terrible and believe he just did it to regain his power…what a jerk! NOW WHAT? I would appreciate any suggestions. Should I write back and say on second thought, I”m not interested in meeting, I need more time????

Thanks so much!

]]> By: Susie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-252813 Susie Tue, 23 Feb 2010 12:04:31 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-252813 Amazing amazing amazing! Every girl should read this - it will comfort you through the darkest of days and lead you to a much happier you!!!! NC is the only way forward, I went cold turkey and cut him out of my life - yes, i have to admit I fell off the wagon twice (silly emails) and got no response from him but that was the best thing to happen to me. You don't need these men to validate you - we do not need the drama. These men are twisted and have alterier motives that, quite frankly, are part of a hidden agenda we shouldnt even be part of - walk away ladies! Amazing amazing amazing! Every girl should read this – it will comfort you through the darkest of days and lead you to a much happier you!!!! NC is the only way forward, I went cold turkey and cut him out of my life – yes, i have to admit I fell off the wagon twice (silly emails) and got no response from him but that was the best thing to happen to me. You don’t need these men to validate you – we do not need the drama. These men are twisted and have alterier motives that, quite frankly, are part of a hidden agenda we shouldnt even be part of – walk away ladies!

]]> By: JJ http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-252768 JJ Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:42:42 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-252768 I am on day 5 of the NCR and its almost killing me but my dignity is more important. He hasn't contact me up until four days ago after I sent him an email telling him to do whatever makes him happy. That I was going to live my life like its golden and love and work on ME!! and I did not return his call. He contact me twice; two days back to back. I wondered the same thing; If I may be hurting him and should I contact to let him know why I am not contacting him but I thought to myself Its not about him its about me and healing and moving through this process quickly and he obviously didn't care about my needs. I am the one to usually give in and apologize but this time will be different. Real love doesn't require a strategy but getting on with your life does so you have to plan an exit strategy that works best for you or keep going back to square one again which is a DEAD END ROAD that ain't going nowhere. We become attached to what's familar and sometimes we hold on to things that aren't safe and predictable even if they're bad for us. Staying in a relationship that's on life support isn't going to bring it back to life. Eventually you have to just pull the plug. Good luck JJ I am on day 5 of the NCR and its almost killing me but my dignity is more important. He hasn’t contact me up until four days ago after I sent him an email telling him to do whatever makes him happy. That I was going to live my life like its golden and love and work on ME!! and I did not return his call. He contact me twice; two days back to back. I wondered the same thing; If I may be hurting him and should I contact to let him know why I am not contacting him but I thought to myself Its not about him its about me and healing and moving through this process quickly and he obviously didn’t care about my needs. I am the one to usually give in and apologize but this time will be different. Real love doesn’t require a strategy but getting on with your life does so you have to plan an exit strategy that works best for you or keep going back to square one again which is a DEAD END ROAD that ain’t going nowhere. We become attached to what’s familar and sometimes we hold on to things that aren’t safe and predictable even if they’re bad for us. Staying in a relationship that’s on life support isn’t going to bring it back to life. Eventually you have to just pull the plug.

Good luck
JJ

]]> By: Howie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-252710 Howie Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:21:58 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-252710 I had this very rule used on me by a woman who I had just been through an abortion with. After the abortion, I was of the opinion that the relationship was over but kept dragging it out because I needed to be sure that she had healed and was going to be ok. During that period I found out she had cheated on me and with a woman who was a good friend of mine no less, which sent me through the ceiling with rage. I was so hurt by the two occurrances and so angry that I lost all perspective and would call and text and email her venting like a raving lunatic at the perceived betrayal and her insensitivity to have thrown a thing like infidelity in my face at the same time I was comming to grips with the emotions of the abortion experience. After about two weeks of angry and bitter back and forth fighting she finally said she couldnt take it anymore, cut off all communication and we havent spoken in a year and a half since. It was the perfect answer! It gave me permission to abandon her to her own recovery, freed me from having to worry about her well being, and allowed me the space "I" needed to heal and move on with "my" life. Within three months I was completely over the relationship. . That would never have happened as fast if the lines of communication had remained open and the dynamic of the relationship had stayed in the toxic holding pattern it was in. I highly recommend this course of action for anyone who wants to accelerate the healing process after their relationship crashes and burns. Great advice! - the feminist angst and bitterness of the author is a little over the top in my opinion but hey its written for hurting women looking for closure and the article itself is spot on. I had this very rule used on me by a woman who I had just been through an abortion with. After the abortion, I was of the opinion that the relationship was over but kept dragging it out because I needed to be sure that she had healed and was going to be ok.

During that period I found out she had cheated on me and with a woman who was a good friend of mine no less, which sent me through the ceiling with rage. I was so hurt by the two occurrances and so angry that I lost all perspective and would call and text and email her venting like a raving lunatic at the perceived betrayal and her insensitivity to have thrown a thing like infidelity in my face at the same time I was comming to grips with the emotions of the abortion experience.

After about two weeks of angry and bitter back and forth fighting she finally said she couldnt take it anymore, cut off all communication and we havent spoken in a year and a half since.

It was the perfect answer! It gave me permission to abandon her to her own recovery, freed me from having to worry about her well being, and allowed me the space “I” needed to heal and move on with “my” life. Within three months I was completely over the relationship. . That would never have happened as fast if the lines of communication had remained open and the dynamic of the relationship had stayed in the toxic holding pattern it was in. I highly recommend this course of action for anyone who wants to accelerate the healing process after their relationship crashes and burns. Great advice! – the feminist angst and bitterness of the author is a little over the top in my opinion but hey its written for hurting women looking for closure and the article itself is spot on.

]]> By: Charlene http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-252598 Charlene Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:09:18 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-252598 NML... hmmm? so that's what you look like? Just as I imagined. Thanks for the BLOG! NML… hmmm? so that’s what you look like? Just as I imagined. Thanks for the BLOG!

]]> By: Charlene http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-252597 Charlene Thu, 18 Feb 2010 03:06:19 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-252597 I'm Back! Lost track of the days! :) Update... he sent a few short messages.. just like Nat said he would... simple "HI" or "HEY"....,.. blah blah didnt respond..... Finally he sent another "HI" and I responded with " I've moved on.. you should too..." of which came back.. " what makes you think I haven't? " DUH! YOU KEEP TEXTING ME!!! I didn't respond... Needless to say.. the following text from him was not so nice... Funny how when you finally have the final leverage of not needing them and finally seeing them for who they really are.. you FINALLY realize how blinded you were! I feel good, I feel happy and healthy. Don't despair.. give it time.. Take control! xo I’m Back!
Lost track of the days! :)

Update… he sent a few short messages.. just like Nat said he would… simple “HI” or “HEY”….,.. blah blah didnt respond…..

Finally he sent another “HI” and I responded with ” I’ve moved on.. you should too…” of which came back.. ” what makes you think I haven’t? ”

DUH! YOU KEEP TEXTING ME!!! I didn’t respond…

Needless to say.. the following text from him was not so nice…

Funny how when you finally have the final leverage of not needing them and finally seeing them for who they really are.. you FINALLY realize how blinded you were!

I feel good, I feel happy and healthy.

Don’t despair.. give it time.. Take control! xo

]]> By: Used http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-1/#comment-252449 Used Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:03:39 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-no-contact-rule/#comment-252449 I think I have an answer for all of this: When there is enough bad/negative evidence about how much of an EU person ANYONE in your life is--friend or significant other, man or woman--the KEY is to NOT give them the benefit of the doubt! I have to face a pack of these types of people very soon. I have already cut one, a male acquaintance I have known for 20 years, out, mainly by just telling one of his best friends about all of his AC antics. Now the AC wants to talk to me...and I ignore him (I even walk away) whenever he approaches. I barely speak to a woman I had been best friends with, b/c she ignores me when my former AC and his wife are around. As Bette Davis once said (in "All About Eve"): "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night!" I won't be a jerk. But I won't be making things "easy" for anyone, by, let's say, beung friendly and Miss Nicey Nice, which has been my pattern, mainly b/c, as a professional, I was too afraid of being labelled "The Angry Bitch," which is a label a lot of people are quick to give to any professional female who makes the tiniest bit of defining-of-boundaries in her life! @BEA: The jerk AC I knew, and who I will run into soon, acted the same exact way. No loss to you! Be thankful he showed his true colors sooner rather than later. This guy is NUTS, as mine was! And I was in a vulnerable state when I met him, and our mutual other AC "friends," too. I think I have an answer for all of this:

When there is enough bad/negative evidence about how much of an EU person ANYONE in your life is–friend or significant other, man or woman–the KEY is to NOT give them the benefit of the doubt!

I have to face a pack of these types of people very soon. I have already cut one, a male acquaintance I have known for 20 years, out, mainly by just telling one of his best friends about all of his AC antics. Now the AC wants to talk to me…and I ignore him (I even walk away) whenever he approaches. I barely speak to a woman I had been best friends with, b/c she ignores me when my former AC and his wife are around. As Bette Davis once said (in “All About Eve”): “Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night!” I won’t be a jerk. But I won’t be making things “easy” for anyone, by, let’s say, beung friendly and Miss Nicey Nice, which has been my pattern, mainly b/c, as a professional, I was too afraid of being labelled “The Angry Bitch,” which is a label a lot of people are quick to give to any professional female who makes the tiniest bit of defining-of-boundaries in her life!

@BEA: The jerk AC I knew, and who I will run into soon, acted the same exact way. No loss to you! Be thankful he showed his true colors sooner rather than later. This guy is NUTS, as mine was! And I was in a vulnerable state when I met him, and our mutual other AC “friends,” too.

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