The Science of Men and Women-How to Solve Problems

Men are problem solvers and they do this well, as long as they are allowed to get on with it of course.

But, essentially, this is a typical homespun oldwives tale, which has seeped into the ‘Female Consciousness’ and one that lacks any depth of understanding (Guardian Readers take note).

My extensive study of this subject has condensed into the following statements that I identify in many successful relationships.

“ Give a Man a problem and he’ll solve it, give a Woman a solution and she’ll find a problem with it.” ^[2]
“ Give a solution to a Man and he’ll mess it up, give a Woman a problem and she won’t rest until it’s solved.” ^[3]

It is this fundamental ‘Chalk and Cheese’, ‘Mars and Venus’, ‘Jordan and Andre’ that is the issue and should be the foundation to the understanding of relationships.

Let’s look at a few ‘Issues’ and how Men and Women can take the wrong approach and how this reflects on what Men and Women can and can’t do well.

Issue 1 - Men don’t admit when they are wrong.

This is patently not true. Men are never wrong it’s just that the Woman’s expected outcome of an event wasn’t what she’d predetermined.

‘I said that you needed to get some professional help in and now you’ve got four screws over, one shelf on the squint and the Cat glued to the back.’ ^[4]

Her expectation of ‘I’ll put the Wardrobe together dear’ should not have been that it would be perfect. Women, if you want perfection you buy it ready-made. Simply put, She was allowed to find a problem in His solution.

It’s important for Women to realise that Men can be forced into very defensive and destructive positions by this travesty of calling them ‘Wrong’.

By the woman not accepting the Man’s simple solution to her problem of not having anywhere to store her clothes, he has been forced into a position of ‘proving himself’ by assembling a flat-pack wardrobe from B&Q. Instead of encouraging him, she’s found a problem with what he’s done thus subjecting the Man to needless psychological torture.

He wasn’t wrong in telling her that he could do it, it just wasn’t as right as she wanted it.

Men and Women should know what the other can and can’t do (And it’s not fair to always say ‘Nothing’, even if it’s true).

Issue 2 - Men driving without using a map and getting lost.

This is a common bugbear with Women but one that ignores a simple rule:

Men don’t use a Map, as they are driving.

It’s a simple multi-tasking problem. Map reading and driving simultaneously are dangerous. It’s common sense. Someone or some thing should be ‘helping’.

Sadly, many Men fall into the trap of making the Woman passenger the solution here thereby messing it up. Hence, if we apply our original statement, her ‘Solution’ to them being lost will be along the lines of:

The Map is,

• Not detailed enough,
• Not properly marked,
• Not a pretty colour,
• Of France,
• Upside down,
• Making a lovely pattern when that red wobbly line winds around that blue splodge.

The Man, realising that the Woman is actually dealing with a ‘Solution’ and that she’s going to find a ‘Problem’ with it, will automatically rely on his instinct and thus take a longer route than one that was originally perceived so that he can then get her into ‘Problem Solving’ rather than nit-picking his ‘Solution’.

The Woman, who deals in absolutes and not resting until the ‘Problem’ is solved, will say that he’s lost and become engrossed in providing ‘Solutions to his Problem’:

• ‘Turn left back there’,
• ‘Pay attention’,
• ‘You’re lost’,
• ‘Mother was right’,
• ‘I hate you’,
• ‘Bastard’,
• ‘I want a Divorce’.

  And so on.

  This is where Men usually crumble and intimate that they are wrong by getting angry and sulky. The Women respond by getting hysterical. The Man then looses all semblance of reason and says: ‘You drive!’ (He may add ‘Bitch’ for emphasis).

  The real failing here is the Man being unable to mange the Woman’s original inflated expectation which should’ve just been ‘Let’s get from A to B’ whereas he’s now allowed it to snowball into a monster, of relationship consuming proportions, by involving her in ‘Solving his Problem’ rather than her taking the Bus or hiring a Taxi in the first place which would’ve avoided unnecessary heartache.

  If the Man can’t persuade her to take another form of transport, he should’ve then dispensed with the Map in the Car altogether and used a GPS Routefinder, which is a simple solution that doesn’t involve the Woman’s problem finding mentality. She can then concentrate on giving sweets to the Children, thinking of shopping and preparing herself for Sex later. He can now pretend he’s a Racing Driver and listen to the Music whilst imagining his Wife as Bonnie Tyler.
  References:

  [1] Conversations over a Fence by Mavis Bolger, Balham.
  [2] Frank, Used with permission from ‘Frank’ at the ‘This Man has been driven bonkers by his Missus refuge’ Scarborough.
  [3] Women Rule, Ja! by Dr Ms Eva Straub, Germany.
  [4] My Husband is a dick-head by Connie Black, Birmingham

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