Comments on: The Ten Commandments of Coping With and Moving On After a Break Up Series http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jolly http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/comment-page-1/#comment-189964 Jolly Wed, 17 Sep 2008 23:37:59 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/#comment-189964 My ex EUM was such a bastard that he would jokingly ask me if we could be friends "if we ever broke up," while we were still together. Ugh! At the time, I said I hadn't even thought about something like that, but I guess it was just inevitable. Now that I've left him, put him out of the apartment and been on NC for a full month, he's texted me a concert date of my favorite singer for some strange reason. I can't even begin to understand why he did that (I didn't respond to it at all). Where the hell does he get the idea that I want to know about my favorite singer being in town FROM HIM of all people?! What a joke, if he actually thought I would say, "Sure, let's go and act like we were never together! Let's also act like you didn't cheat on me with multiple women, lie to me, etc., etc.!" Never in a million lifetimes would I be his "friend." -I'm ranting a bit, so I must still be in the anger stage of mourning. My ex EUM was such a bastard that he would jokingly ask me if we could be friends “if we ever broke up,” while we were still together. Ugh! At the time, I said I hadn’t even thought about something like that, but I guess it was just inevitable. Now that I’ve left him, put him out of the apartment and been on NC for a full month, he’s texted me a concert date of my favorite singer for some strange reason. I can’t even begin to understand why he did that (I didn’t respond to it at all). Where the hell does he get the idea that I want to know about my favorite singer being in town FROM HIM of all people?! What a joke, if he actually thought I would say, “Sure, let’s go and act like we were never together! Let’s also act like you didn’t cheat on me with multiple women, lie to me, etc., etc.!” Never in a million lifetimes would I be his “friend.” -I’m ranting a bit, so I must still be in the anger stage of mourning.

]]> By: FinallyOverIt http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/comment-page-1/#comment-157994 FinallyOverIt Tue, 27 May 2008 16:54:46 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/#comment-157994 My ex-EUM came to me about a month ago and gave me a confession about how he has stopped drinking, admitted to being an alcoholic, and also admitted that he had treated me badly as a friend, and profusely apologized for his behavior. He admitted that he had taken advantage of my friendship by showing up at my doorstep without calling first, expecting me to be around, etc. etc. At that time, we decided to try again to be "friends", but I gave him the conditions under which I would agree to it, which were basically that he need to respect and value me as a friend. He adamently agreed to that, and again apologized, etc. Well, guess what ladies--he has absolutely not come through with anything he said he would do, and is still treating me like he did before, and has not been able to be my friend in any sense of the word. And stupid me, I fell for it when he gave me his big confession about his being an alcoholic, and his remorse about how badly he's treated me. What I have figured out is I think he was doing the "12 step" program that they do in AA, and I was one of the people on his list that he needed to "come clean" with so he could cross me off his list and salvage his conscience. OMG, what more do I need to go through with this man to realize that he has so many issues and is so self-absorbed that he is a walking dead person! I have wasted three years of my life on this EUM, and it has to stop as of now. He is not my friend, he is a jerk. I have to keep repeating that to myself... My ex-EUM came to me about a month ago and gave me a confession about how he has stopped drinking, admitted to being an alcoholic, and also admitted that he had treated me badly as a friend, and profusely apologized for his behavior. He admitted that he had taken advantage of my friendship by showing up at my doorstep without calling first, expecting me to be around, etc. etc. At that time, we decided to try again to be “friends”, but I gave him the conditions under which I would agree to it, which were basically that he need to respect and value me as a friend. He adamently agreed to that, and again apologized, etc. Well, guess what ladies–he has absolutely not come through with anything he said he would do, and is still treating me like he did before, and has not been able to be my friend in any sense of the word. And stupid me, I fell for it when he gave me his big confession about his being an alcoholic, and his remorse about how badly he’s treated me. What I have figured out is I think he was doing the “12 step” program that they do in AA, and I was one of the people on his list that he needed to “come clean” with so he could cross me off his list and salvage his conscience. OMG, what more do I need to go through with this man to realize that he has so many issues and is so self-absorbed that he is a walking dead person! I have wasted three years of my life on this EUM, and it has to stop as of now. He is not my friend, he is a jerk. I have to keep repeating that to myself…

]]> By: lisaq http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/comment-page-1/#comment-157978 lisaq Tue, 27 May 2008 14:02:22 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/#comment-157978 Yep, the ex b/f tried this one. So soon afterwards, he turned out to be a worse friend than he was a b/f. I had to implement the no contact rule just to save my own sanity. That said, we are friends now, but it took a year and a half before it could happen. And even now, we really aren't 'let's hang out and have a beer' kind of friends. We could but don't. Thing is if I do run into him or he calls to see what's up, it's not an earth shattering "OMG!" moment. Others in my relationship past I'd rather spit on than try to be friends with....ever. And it's best that way. Yep, the ex b/f tried this one. So soon afterwards, he turned out to be a worse friend than he was a b/f. I had to implement the no contact rule just to save my own sanity. That said, we are friends now, but it took a year and a half before it could happen. And even now, we really aren’t ‘let’s hang out and have a beer’ kind of friends. We could but don’t. Thing is if I do run into him or he calls to see what’s up, it’s not an earth shattering “OMG!” moment.

Others in my relationship past I’d rather spit on than try to be friends with….ever. And it’s best that way.

]]> By: cheekie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/comment-page-1/#comment-157974 cheekie Tue, 27 May 2008 13:25:02 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-ten-commandments-of-coping-with-and-moving-on-after-a-break-up-series/#comment-157974 Excellent advice NML! In my experience, most guys do use the 'well, we can still be friends' line to alleviate their guilt. So they don't look like a complete pri*k. Don't let them do this to you. Don't let them off the hook that easy. If they were your 'friend' would they have treated you so poorly at times? The ONLY time this works is if it is a mutual break-up due to lack of passion/interest/commitment on BOTH sides. Then it was meant to just be a friendship. I am rarely friends with my serious ex's. Which has really only been a couple. My ex husband and I are friends for my son's sake, but my ex bf and I haven't really spoken in almost 2 yrs. Why would I want to speak to someone who showed such disrespect to me? I mean come on! I am friends with a few guys that I just dated, nothing serious, but even then we let a little time pass... If he does call, or you weaken and call and you get that feeling like 'oh jeez I shouldn't have called' just keep it very very casual. Tell him you are about to run out, talk about his work, or ask how his mom is. Keep it short. DO NOT get into any kind of emotional talk. And do not talk to him until you can do so without feeling like you are reading into everything he says, thinking you still have a chance. Excellent advice NML!
In my experience, most guys do use the ‘well, we can still be friends’ line to alleviate their guilt. So they don’t look like a complete pri*k.
Don’t let them do this to you. Don’t let them off the hook that easy. If they were your ‘friend’ would they have treated you so poorly at times? The ONLY time this works is if it is a mutual break-up due to lack of passion/interest/commitment on BOTH sides. Then it was meant to just be a friendship.

I am rarely friends with my serious ex’s. Which has really only been a couple. My ex husband and I are friends for my son’s sake, but my ex bf and I haven’t really spoken in almost 2 yrs. Why would I want to speak to someone who showed such disrespect to me? I mean come on! I am friends with a few guys that I just dated, nothing serious, but even then we let a little time pass…

If he does call, or you weaken and call and you get that feeling like ‘oh jeez I shouldn’t have called’ just keep it very very casual. Tell him you are about to run out, talk about his work, or ask how his mom is. Keep it short. DO NOT get into any kind of emotional talk. And do not talk to him until you can do so without feeling like you are reading into everything he says, thinking you still have a chance.

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