Comments on: The truth about Nice Guys

By: Why People Don’t See Their Qualities & Contributions to Relationships Accurately – Part 3 | Baggage Reclaim

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 13:07:46 +0000

[...] years ago, I knew a man who suffered with Those Who Doth Protest Too Much syndrome – in fact I’ve known many men and women with it. Every time I saw him he’d say [...]

By: Misty

Misty — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:50:20 +0000

Great article. Really like. I feel “nice guys” are often whiny self obsessed puss-ays. And it is true- They often do the very act they accuse women of doing.

By: Kai

Kai — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 04:22:28 +0000

Men have the bigger ego? This must of been written by a woman!

By: NML

NML — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:25:04 +0000

I agree with you to a large extent but unfortunately many men think that learning social skills is about learning ‘tricks’ and ‘skills’ that help them to seduce and dupe women. I think that the atypical nice guy that gets walked all over fits your description perfectly. If only guys could find a balance…

By: Lance

Lance — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:42:30 +0000

NML, good post. The Nice Guy has a big negative connotation attached to it, when in reality we mean geek, chode, loser, dork, or any of a number of less flattering terms. Most guys are “nice.” Hell, I’m nice. But I’m not a Mr. Nice Guy.

I define a Nice Guy very simply. He’s a guy who is mediocre. By mediocre, I mean he has no social skill and, even worse, no motivation to improve his social skill. He’s got no amibition and no determination. Usually lacks in boldness, and probably lacks courage. This creates many problems, most of which you hit on above. He doesn’t understand women, doesn’t communicate well, is emotionally disconnected, and, most damning, doesn’t understand himself. To top it all off, he lacks in masculinity and approaches asexuality. Yuck.

The bitch about it is the majority of men are capable of rising out of the mediocrity morass, if only they knew how. Just reading a few books or talking to the right people could do it. We’re just not EVER taught the things we really ought to be learning, such as how to succeed in relationships and thus succeed in life.

By: FinallyOverIt

FinallyOverIt — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:01:47 +0000

Brad K., I really like your idea about the ballroom dancing. Obviously, the more “modern” way of interacting with the opposite sex sometimes doesn’t work very well, so why not revert back to an activity that seems to command mutual respect and boundaries? Plus, I just like to dance!

By: John

John — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 12:59:27 +0000

Nice Guys, are just generally men that take crap without getting angry. Men who allow their women to disrespect them in a way they would never let their friends do. Thats a nice guy gone wrong.

By: cheekie

cheekie — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 04:00:26 +0000

Honestly, I think we just have to get right back down to brass tacks.
Trusting ourselves, trusting our own judgement and most importantly, trusting our gut.
Too many confusing messages are being thrown about these days. You have to know yourself.
What is a ‘nice’ guy to me, might not be a nice guy to you and vice versa.

Maybe that’s why it’s so important to be real, not only with the men we date but with ourselves before we even try to get into looking for someone.

I have not always made the best choices, hell who has, but, I have learned the hard way that trusting my gut and knowing what I want for myself and knowing who the assclowns vs nice guys are to me has made all the difference in the world.

By: Astelle

Astelle — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 01:07:40 +0000

Brad, great idea, but you can’t teach an old dog
new tricks.

By: It’s About Making Babies! » Blog Archive » Be yourself, or be a nice guy?

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:36:35 +0000

[...] posted about The Truth about Nice Guys, over on Baggage Reclaim. The secret is that most aren’t nice, but there are nice guys out [...]

By: Brad K.

Brad K. — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:34:32 +0000

FinallyOverIt, I think that conducting yourself with honor, with courtesy, and with respect, is a social skill that not all kids learn. When kids start dating the hormone rushes are on, providing pressure to *do something* – and are young enough that every mistake hurts. Many never find the role models or information to learn better.

As we get older we notice that most of the singles our age – are still waiting to learn basic courtesy, respect, and honor. At the same time we find we value stability, dependability, discipline, respect, trust, etc. in others.

Perhaps instead of wine tastings and speed dating, we should flock to ‘Respect 101′ seminars and the formal courtesy and discipline of ballroom dancing. We may have to guide our mates to improve those social skills they lack, when we start with a worthy mate prospect.

By: FinallyOverIt

FinallyOverIt — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:32:02 +0000

I don’t have much experience with the “Nice Guy” because I am always drawn to the quiet, withdrawn EUM who generally doesn’t treat me well. But, I can see where a “nice” guy might have skeletons in his closet that aren’t very “nice.” Doesn’t it just come down to something as simple as….being yourself? It seems when we start a dating relationship, everybody wants to put their best foot forward, which is fine, but I also think it’s about honesty and building a level of trust where you can truly be yourself with someone–skeletons and all. I guess the older I get, the more I have a problem with playing games with people, and I just want to GET REAL, and interact with others in an honest and truthful way. But again, I don’t think I have EVER really had a relationship with what is classified as a “NICE” guy. Perhaps that’s part of the problem….hmmmmm.

By: cheekie

cheekie — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:31:26 +0000

Unfortunately, since the proliferation of “player’s” sites etc., giving tips for supposed ‘nice’ guys to ‘bag a chick’ it is getting more and more difficult to distinguish the sheep from the wolves.
Or dogs in this case.
Really nice guys, truly nice, treat you with respect and command respect themselves.

Guys too frequently aren’t themselves, either mistakenly believing that women won’t like them if they are nice or the opposite, that women won’t like them (read-be attracted to them) if they are assertive.

Women do want nice guys, who happen to want to be a little bad on occasion – in the good way of course. Just a ‘real’ man, just as they want a ‘real’ woman. Not always nice, not always naughty, but real…

By: lisaq

lisaq — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:12:45 +0000

All I have to say is Amen sister! Nice guys, self proclaimed or not, are usually wolves in sheep’s clothing. Or whiners. Neither of which is at all attractive.