The Wedding Show
September 8, 2005 by NML
Three singletons and the bride-to-be went to a wedding show in the hope of idea gathering for the brides big day. As we entered, ushers led us into this enormous hall, and I have to admit that the atmosphere almost made me feel as if I was a bride. The classical music that was playing caused me to almost slow my walk as if I was going down the aisle! I quickly realised that I wasn’t feeling that bridal, when I spotted a potential mate within seconds of arriving. I mentally rubbed my hands together with glee at the thought of spotting hot totty all afternoon – until I remembered I was at a wedding show, and that most men were probably engaged.
As we made our way around the show, I realised that just about everything short of a demonstration to instruct women on what to do in the bedroom on the honeymoon was catered for! There were very few men at the show, and it made me realise that planning a wedding is very much a female affair. There is this misconception that we are surrounded by ‘new men’ and that times have changed, but evidently I’d stepped into a time warp, with very few ‘grooms’ to be seen.
Many of the people on the stands seemed to have an ability to make you feel like a non-entity if they had to speak to a non-bride. They failed to realise that bridesmaids can influence the bride and that potentially, we could be there future customers. Whilst I think that their attitudes were sad and pathetic, I realise that attending a wedding show as a singleton, was like entering an exclusive members only club on a guest pass, and everybody sensing that you’re ‘not one of them’.
A highlight of the afternoon was the fashion show, where the singletons got to slag off the dresses we hated, eye up the models, and coo over the cute kids on the stage. It was a veritable balancing act between my libido and my biological clock!
Naturally I managed to embarrass myself at a stand for a company that manage hen nights. Behaving like the child that we all become when confronted with the possibility of free stuff, I demanded my lollipop, and proceeded to fire questions at the extremely muscled ‘fireman’. He knew I was joking about and was quite accommodating, but looked embarrassed when I asked if he would give us a free demo of the strip show there and then. An embarrassed silence was broken by, ‘I’m not a stripper. It’s just a costume for the stand’. After a lot of giggling by all of us, I agreed to get lost if he gave me another lollipop!
The bride-to-be picked up some leaflets, but she’s since got married and I don’t recall as shred of influence. However, I naturally gathered some ‘ideas’ of my own:
Don’t choose your outfits at a wedding fair unless you want to look like an overstuffed sausage in an episode of Dynasty.
Stay away from the make-up stands, otherwise the only aisle you’ll be walking down is a street corner.
If you’re sensitive, do wear a pretend engagement ring to ward off the pitiful looks.
Do wear flat sensible shoes to avoid walking like John Wayne, without the aid of man.
Whilst I have no man to do it with, and despite a shattering wedding show, I think I’d like to get married one day. Admittedly, wedding planning looks exhausting, and it would be tempting to marry abroad, but I haven’t been frightened off. I’m determined as a modern woman that my future fiancé and I will plan our wedding together, because I’ll have one of those ‘new men’ that doesn’t exist! So look out for me at a wedding show near you, with my the big rock on my left hand signalling ‘membership’, and my fiancé safely at home with his feet up!
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim
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