The ‘You Don’t Own Me’ Independent Woman Fund

January 23, 2006 by NML

I have recently read a post talking about preparing for ‘The Divorce Fund’. It’s a very funny, witty post about preparing for what many, based on the statistics, see as the inevitable. Rather than being caught with your pants down when you get slapped with a divorce, have a handy $10K and these special lawyers on speed dial.

Naturally though, this post got me thinking and reminded me of many a warning given to me by family and friends. You don’t need to broadcast it to your significant other, but you should have a bank account that you put a little bit of money aside in each month. Yes it could be used if something were to go wrong in the relationship and you needed to move etc, but its money that is yours to do with whatever you want. You don’t need to check in about unusual activity – you are the unusual activity.

More…If you don’t work (lucky thing!) this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put a little something away. If you get a certain amount of money each week/month, put away a little slice. Even if it’s only £10/£20, dollars, euros, whatever it is, put it away.

Now some may say I’m cynical or pronouncing doom and gloom, but I’m not. It’s called having a little independence and not being wholly and solely reliable on someone else. Unfortunately, even though there isn’t a transfer of ownership when you are in a situation where you are this reliant, human nature means that on a subconscious level, the provider gets the idea that they have control, and effectively they do.

Nothing good ever comes of needing someone for your every waking need and I’m not suggesting you click your fingers in his face and say ‘You don’t own me’ or keep singing ‘Independent Women’ a la Destiny’s Child, but I am suggesting that you get wise about having a little financial independence. You should want to, and if it means you forgo a small luxury to put a little something away (you could only buy lunch 3 days a week instead of 5 and make it for 2 days), so be it.

This isn’t a tug of war for you to struggle for control and it’s not a declaration that everything goes to the shit. Having a private fund means that you can treat yourself when it suits and not feel guilty about using the joint back account, or running up credit cards. It also means that should the unexpected happen and something goes wrong, you have a deposit for a new home (mortgage or rent), you can go to a hotel if necessary and if you’re anything like me, have a little holiday/break to make yourself feel better. With any luck, you started saving when you were single and have good head start.

And trust me when I say that your significant other probably has their own fund so don’t feel bad!

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim