Toilet Rolls Don’t Grow On the Holders

October 22, 2005 by NML

There are plenty of men out there that have had a sneaking suspicion that there significant other may want to clobber them with a bag of toilet roll due to the male inability to remove the empty roll and replace it with another. What is with guys and the inability to replace what they see needs replacing? The only time when the mental block seems to come to an end is when they rapidly replace the previous significant other with another….but that’s a whole other episode!

Toilet roll and the holder that keeps them in place don’t bite. The holder will not leap off and bite you in the nuts, it won’t take you up the arse suddenly, and lo and behold, when there is toilet roll on it, it gives you the ability to wipe your arse, or wipe your nuts or whatever the hell you do with it. Just like ice cube trays, toilet rolls don’t replace themselves and they damn well don’t grown on the holders.
It is galling as a woman to come home from a hard day at work, discover her significant other has been home, used the toilet and the last scrap of tissue and neglected to replace it on the holder. It smacks of laziness and to us it seems that you don’t care enough to think about the small stuff. It’s about consideration and respect! R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Sing it with me boys.
When you fail to do something as simple as this, to the woman it translates as not caring about her enough to try to make her life a little easier. She thinks that you are treating her like a skivvy. And if this is not making sense to the male mind, then maybe this will:

Each time you f*ck up with stuff like this, you’re eating up your sex credits by building up irritability in your partner. We remember stuff and it builds up!
1 Dislodge the part of the holder that suspends the toilet roll from the wall. The little pole that the roll sits on can normally be pulled out without any difficulty.
2 Put the cardboard roll that you have just removed into the bin. Do NOT leave it on the floor as this is just as bad as not bothering to replace it!
3 The toilet roll is probably kept in a storage cupboard in the bathroom or hallway. Go to it and remove the toilet roll.*
4 Walk back to the holder and put the toilet roll onto the pole.
5 Lift it back into the holder on the wall and put the pole back in to it’s little holes that keep it in place (or whatever mechanism)
Now I hate to be a bitch, but if you can’t put a frickin toilet roll back into it’s holder, you shouldn’t be putting together IKEA furniture and you most definitely shouldn’t be doing DIY.
*If there is none in the cupboards, double check in the kitchen, and if there is definitely none there, go to the shops and buy some. Don’t by the cheap stuff as it will chaff your dick and your arse!