Comments on: Trading On Your Looks & Sex Appeal Part 2

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 06:32:29 +0000

ReRe, such a thought provoking post! Thank you!

By: ReRe

ReRe — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:31:26 +0000

Judy I am sure Nats can answer your question so much better than I, but, learn to love yourself by faking it until you make it! Make it a habit to block out negative thoughts about yourself, ‘talk’ to yourself as you would a small, sweet child or your best friend- and train your self talk to change…’as ye think so shall ye be’. Why not love yourself, there is only one of you in this whole universe and you are unique! That is simply enough!

By: ReRe

ReRe — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:28:30 +0000

Reading this was almost frightening as I related to it so much and still have it as an issue! Except that I am now 37, yet I still experience shades of this and becuase I look young for my age, attract much younger men which also just complicates everything. Argh! I have always been a philosophical person, intellectual and a somewhat deep thinker…how much of it is just that men are drawn to physical attributes and whether you respect yourself or not they can still act the ASSCLOWN! I have at least learned I no longer have to put up with it

By: Judy

Judy — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:39:22 +0000

Hi Nats. I have been following this blog religiously since I stumbled across it 3 weeks ago – after getting dumped yet again by my EUM. I have also been the perpetual fallback girl, am attractive like you and am also manifesting my own self hatred in all sorts of health issues.

My question is this though…. How do you truly, truly learn to like and love yourself unconditionally despite all the crap from your past?

By: tulipa

tulipa — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 00:55:01 +0000

I don’t think it is just looks that you attract these guys ..
I too went for the most aloof etc… but my looks wouldn’t have got me anywhere so you can other traits that get you eum guys ..maybe it was the opposite problem you thought you couldn’t hang onto them because you didn’t have the looks .

By: loverandfighter

loverandfighter — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:56:37 +0000

I can’t believe how parallel this is to my own life and my own past decisions. I have a problem with the guys who want to be with me, because well, they are easy. I want the guy in the room who pays me no attention because that way I know for a fact that he isn’t all about my beauty…at that point I have to win him over with my personality. But then I become too aggressive, and it turns them off. And I take it personal that even my personality can’t keep a guy.

By: lisaq

lisaq — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 12:39:11 +0000

Your secret test has given me something to think about Nat. I felt that way a great deal of my life and, I am honest enough to say that, at times, I still do. This definitely needs some mulling over.

By: ph2072

ph2072 — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:21:40 +0000

This is DEEP – so deep that I’m going to have to read this again.

I may e-mail you, NML, because I’m actually the complete opposite of what you’re discussing in this series and I’d like to know how that works.

By: searchingwithin

searchingwithin — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:29:59 +0000

“Not one of these men made me feel secure or loved – they just enhanced the negativity but so did I by playing to the easy things I could flaunt at men and then moaning when thatâ€™s what attracted them.”

Wow, so very well put. How many of us can honestly say, at one point or the other, we haven’t “been there, done that”. We are brought up in this society armed with the knowledge of how important our sexuality and beauty are to a man, so coupled with that knowledge and a dash of insecurities here and there, we end up falling into the puddle of what appears so easy.

I work very at digging out the old wounds and cleaning them up, but I still fall back onto worn out bad habits.

This last Friday night was a prime example. Lately some things in my life haven’t gone according to my plan, and I was feeling frustrated and lonely. Feeling very tired and frustrated with the feeling of “it’s just me against the World, so…

I love dancing, and I took myself out. I spent the whole evening dancing most every song with a different man, bought my initial drink only, and came home with five roses from different men. At the time, in my drunkenness thinking, I thought, “well the old girl still has it.” But later I was just feeling more miserable than before, just like I always do when I fallback on what appears to be the easy route to a solution. I wasn’t needing validation from these men, I was needing validation from myself.

Excellent article, as always, and thank you for the reminder.

Best Wishes

By: Loving Annie

Loving Annie — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:32:45 +0000

Thanks, Nat
I’ve never been the pretty one, but the issues were mentioned were all there for me. I’d hope they liked me because I had a good body, and then fall in love with me because of ME. Never worked, especially because I hated me and the self-confident healthy image I projected was a fraud, quickly discovered because of my bad choices and starving behavior.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been getting a glimpse of it, and am determined to keep doing the work.

Thanks again for sharing

(hugs))

Loving Annieâ€™s last blog post..Wednesday Appreciation : The Letter "H"