Comments on: Translated: I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You…and other such sayings http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:27:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: dmd http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-281997 dmd Sun, 22 Aug 2010 16:06:51 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-281997 ok with the disclaimer ok with the disclaimer

]]> By: dmd http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-281993 dmd Sun, 22 Aug 2010 16:02:02 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-281993 I have been with my husband 27yrs he has had 2 affairs.After filing and moving out after affair #2 for 6months i allowd him to yo-yo me in and out and finally he says i love you but not in love with you.We have known each other 34yrs grew up together how could all those yrs.and history just go away in 6months? But i deserve to be treated with respect and i have always been committed to our marriage and put his needs ahead of mine.Now its my turn to live for me and i only hope i will be able to love again I have been with my husband 27yrs he has had 2 affairs.After filing and moving out after affair #2 for 6months i allowd him to yo-yo me in and out and finally he says i love you but not in love with you.We have known each other 34yrs grew up together how could all those yrs.and history just go away in 6months? But i deserve to be treated with respect and i have always been committed to our marriage and put his needs ahead of mine.Now its my turn to live for me and i only hope i will be able to love again

]]> By: Fearless http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-281519 Fearless Tue, 17 Aug 2010 23:08:46 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-281519 EAK, If it helps, it probably was "true". Just not "true" enough! And, whatever it was, it has run its course. Stop focussing on him and what he thought / felt... everytime you find yourself thinking bout what he though/felt/feels/might feel... STOP and swith your thoughts back to YOU! Think about how it wasn't working, how unhappy you were, what YOU want and what you are NOT getting from him. I find that helps me... thinking of thm is a waste of your time and is not doing YOU any good. And right now you need to care about YOU not about HIM. Take care... take the advice here from NML and others - it's good advice. This guy is not fretting over you! He is already looking for what he wants somewhere else. Let him. Tell yourself good things about yourself as often as you can every day. xx EAK,

If it helps, it probably was “true”. Just not “true” enough! And, whatever it was, it has run its course. Stop focussing on him and what he thought / felt… everytime you find yourself thinking bout what he though/felt/feels/might feel… STOP and swith your thoughts back to YOU! Think about how it wasn’t working, how unhappy you were, what YOU want and what you are NOT getting from him. I find that helps me… thinking of thm is a waste of your time and is not doing YOU any good. And right now you need to care about YOU not about HIM.

Take care… take the advice here from NML and others – it’s good advice. This guy is not fretting over you! He is already looking for what he wants somewhere else. Let him. Tell yourself good things about yourself as often as you can every day.
xx

]]> By: Fearless http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-281518 Fearless Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:59:12 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-281518 Mine was always along the lines of "I can't offer you any more right now". Natalie is spot on: I only heard the "right now" part and clung to it for dear life. But it really annoys me that they do this, they always have the disclaimer, don't they? That whih we see as the "qualifying" statement ("right now", "just now", "I wil, I just don;t know when... I have heard them all!) Why can they just not say "I can't offer you any more" Full bloody stop. But even if he did, I have to admit that I would come up with the "right now" all by myself anyway!! It is very hard to invest so much for so long not to see any return on your investment; it's like, all that bloody misery for nothing! All that time.. and for nothing! Now thoug, I finally hear what he is saying. Loud and clear. Thanks Natalie. I am miserable! But thanks. Mine was always along the lines of “I can’t offer you any more right now”. Natalie is spot on: I only heard the “right now” part and clung to it for dear life. But it really annoys me that they do this, they always have the disclaimer, don’t they? That whih we see as the “qualifying” statement (“right now”, “just now”, “I wil, I just don;t know when… I have heard them all!)

Why can they just not say “I can’t offer you any more” Full bloody stop.

But even if he did, I have to admit that I would come up with the “right now” all by myself anyway!! It is very hard to invest so much for so long not to see any return on your investment; it’s like, all that bloody misery for nothing! All that time.. and for nothing!

Now thoug, I finally hear what he is saying. Loud and clear. Thanks Natalie. I am miserable! But thanks.

]]> By: EAK http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-281508 EAK Tue, 17 Aug 2010 20:43:29 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-281508 Love this post. Mostly becuase this just happened to me. He said the exact words of i love you but i am not in love with you, i am not sure if you are the one. My question is, was he ever really in love? Did he ever really think i was the one. or was it all lies. Did he get scared of committment and want out, or was it never true. Love this post. Mostly becuase this just happened to me. He said the exact words of i love you but i am not in love with you, i am not sure if you are the one. My question is, was he ever really in love? Did he ever really think i was the one. or was it all lies. Did he get scared of committment and want out, or was it never true.

]]> By: Rhonda http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-264536 Rhonda Tue, 08 Jun 2010 22:37:31 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-264536 Girl, you are BAD (in a good way)!!!!! I'm glad to have stumbled on this site!! I think it will change my life forever. Keep up the good work, as this is your calling. Girl, you are BAD (in a good way)!!!!! I’m glad to have stumbled on this site!! I think it will change my life forever.

Keep up the good work, as this is your calling.

]]> By: Eve http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-264333 Eve Sun, 06 Jun 2010 16:41:36 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-264333 well everyone is allowed a mistake I guess...and it depends how you read it, it could be he's being very open and honest - that's the positive spin OR it could be a great big red flag. I would ask him why his previous relationships haven't worked out for starters. If there's anything dodgy in there walk. You wouldnt believe some of the stuff I was told and I honestly thought, what the hell, we have fun - I'd give it a chance, at least I know what he's like! Yes I do, a liar, a cheat, a bullshitter, walked out on his kids that he says he loves..twice, looking to mooch money given the chance. What a catch? .-= Eve´s last blog ..<a href="http://straightleftknee.wordpress.com/2010/06/06/men-translated/" rel="nofollow">Men Translated</a> =-. well everyone is allowed a mistake I guess…and it depends how you read it, it could be he’s being very open and honest – that’s the positive spin OR it could be a great big red flag. I would ask him why his previous relationships haven’t worked out for starters. If there’s anything dodgy in there walk.

You wouldnt believe some of the stuff I was told and I honestly thought, what the hell, we have fun – I’d give it a chance, at least I know what he’s like!
Yes I do, a liar, a cheat, a bullshitter, walked out on his kids that he says he loves..twice, looking to mooch money given the chance. What a catch?
.-= Eve´s last blog ..Men Translated =-.

]]> By: wisenedup http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-264330 wisenedup Sun, 06 Jun 2010 16:23:47 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-264330 I did go on a hoiday as well and it was the best vacation I had ever had! Before we boarded the plane I started feeling so emotional and started crying. I couldn't even explain why! when we came back I came down alittle and was able to formulate my thoughts- I couldn't bear the thought of going to our separate houses, I really wanted to stay with him forever. Should be a happy moment, right? But no, I was crying. I was devasated. When I told him that all I got was silence. A week later we were broken up! He startd behaving like the worst assclown you could ever meet! When I started getting mad a him for his behavior, he acually said - 'I don't know about this relationship'. 'I don't see us getting maried and having babies' ' I guess I was wrong when I said I love you' 'The feeling is just not strong enough' 'Maybe I'm too volatile' 'But I really like you and Ilike spending time with you' - these are all for your dictionary, natalie. That was the end of it. I was happy I could walk away and not be with an assclown. no contact. no regrets. no more crying. I did go on a hoiday as well and it was the best vacation I had ever had! Before we boarded the plane I started feeling so emotional and started crying. I couldn’t even explain why! when we came back I came down alittle and was able to formulate my thoughts-
I couldn’t bear the thought of going to our separate houses, I really wanted to stay with him forever. Should be a happy moment, right? But no, I was crying. I was devasated. When I told him that all I got was silence. A week later we were broken up! He startd behaving like the worst assclown you could ever meet! When I started getting mad a him for his behavior, he acually said – ‘I don’t know about this relationship’. ‘I don’t see us getting maried and having babies’ ‘ I guess I was wrong when I said I love you’ ‘The feeling is just not strong enough’ ‘Maybe I’m too volatile’ ‘But I really like you and Ilike spending time with you’ – these are all for your dictionary, natalie. That was the end of it. I was happy I could walk away and not be with an assclown. no contact. no regrets. no more crying.

]]> By: PH http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-264259 PH Sun, 06 Jun 2010 03:24:09 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-264259 I read this and I feel so stupid and sad that I wasn't smart enough to leave when I heard these exact words. I'm a smart woman, what happened to my brain when this was happening to me? Now that I know, I won't forget and I will find out within myself why I put up with accepting so little from a man I loved so much. Thank you for opening my eyes and putting me on the right path. PH I read this and I feel so stupid and sad that I wasn’t smart enough to leave when I heard these exact words. I’m a smart woman, what happened to my brain when this was happening to me? Now that I know, I won’t forget and I will find out within myself why I put up with accepting so little from a man I loved so much. Thank you for opening my eyes and putting me on the right path. PH

]]> By: Sherry http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-264193 Sherry Sat, 05 Jun 2010 16:42:48 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-264193 Whew! I've heard all of these and jumped out of the nearest window! LOL The last ex-asswipe AC told me that he thought I was great, I was a self-made woman, "he'd bring me down", blah,blah,blah and I ran to the nearest exit licking my wounds on thinking that he could give me what I want. Thank you again NML for the wonderful insight. Sherry Whew! I’ve heard all of these and jumped out of the nearest window! LOL The last ex-asswipe AC told me that he thought I was great, I was a self-made woman, “he’d bring me down”, blah,blah,blah and I ran to the nearest exit licking my wounds on thinking that he could give me what I want.
Thank you again NML for the wonderful insight.
Sherry

]]> By: Regina Toxicodendron http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-264019 Regina Toxicodendron Fri, 04 Jun 2010 06:53:21 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-264019 My ex-EUM said, "You're too much woman for me, I'm not enough man for you." Why on earth did I not believe him? My ex-EUM said, “You’re too much woman for me, I’m not enough man for you.” Why on earth did I not believe him?

]]> By: nysharon http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-263519 nysharon Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:21:15 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-263519 Michelle I was a cheater once but I don't annouce it to the man im with now. Yes it is NOT once a cheater always a cheater. The diff here is that he is telling you it from the get go so the bar is set VERY low. I am very faithful to the man in my life because he treats me with love and respect and I am not trapped in the relationship. Cheating has not even entered my mind. Michelle I was a cheater once but I don’t annouce it to the man im with now. Yes it is NOT once a cheater always a cheater. The diff here is that he is telling you it from the get go so the bar is set VERY low.
I am very faithful to the man in my life because he treats me with love and respect and I am not trapped in the relationship. Cheating has not even entered my mind.

]]> By: Now http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-263381 Now Wed, 02 Jun 2010 03:21:46 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-263381 Great post again Natalie. Addressing theses "lines" are so important because many of us use them as fuel to keep something that does not exist going. "I can't be in a relationship right now" I know you have said not to focus on the right now. It took me a while to recognize that I needed to be aware of "right now" because that is all I have .....there are no gurantees about tomorrow. So basically he was telling me that what I have now he does not want...but instead I heard "there is hope for the future." Wow.....was I challenged. I am grateful that I got out of this situation before any further damage. Thank you again Great post again Natalie. Addressing theses “lines” are so important because many of us use them as fuel to keep something that does not exist going. “I can’t be in a relationship right now” I know you have said not to focus on the right now. It took me a while to recognize that I needed to be aware of “right now” because that is all I have …..there are no gurantees about tomorrow. So basically he was telling me that what I have now he does not want…but instead I heard “there is hope for the future.” Wow…..was I challenged. I am grateful that I got out of this situation before any further damage.
Thank you again

]]> By: Movedon http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-263341 Movedon Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:43:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-263341 He says: I love you but I’m not in love with you. Translation: I don’t feel enough for you. You’re not ‘The One’ His word exactly. I was not ready to walk away and did everything you said I would do. Now I know better I do better - wish I would have understood and accepted that then but I wouldn't be who I am today. Some things I swear you just have to experience to learn from. Hard headed. Excellent post - painful lesson but excellent post. He says: I love you but I’m not in love with you.
Translation: I don’t feel enough for you. You’re not ‘The One’

His word exactly. I was not ready to walk away and did everything you said I would do. Now I know better I do better – wish I would have understood and accepted that then but I wouldn’t be who I am today. Some things I swear you just have to experience to learn from. Hard headed. Excellent post – painful lesson but excellent post.

]]> By: Pirouette http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/comment-page-1/#comment-263339 Pirouette Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:18:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/translated-i-love-you-but-im-not-in-love-with-you-and-other-such-sayings/#comment-263339 He says: I don’t want a relationship right now. Yep, just got fed that one. Forged ahead anyway. Dumb, I know. He says: I don’t want a relationship right now.

Yep, just got fed that one. Forged ahead anyway. Dumb, I know.

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