‘The best way out is always through’ – Helen Keller

Ships in harbour are safe, but that’s not what ships were bulit for.’ – John Shedd

I am trying to break it off with what I know realise (after finding this site) is a commitment phobic, EMU.

Now that I am enlightened through a great deal of reading, here and elsewhere, I find I can see that I keep going back because I want to end the pain of rejection I feel when he does his ‘Houdini act’ and abandons me to my pit of misery. Text book case that he is, he always throws me a crumb eventually, to raise the temperature, becasue it’s getting a bit too “cool” for him and to ensure that I remain available. It’s usually some crumb of supposed ‘feeling’ for me that he has.

Here is his latest crumb by email:
“I will never not love you”

Isn’t that classic?!! Before doing all my recent reading I would have lapped it up, it would have been music to my ears. Now all I hear is “never”, “not” with “love” thrown in. Like the words “always” and “love” cannot exist in the same sentence.

If this is not a display of non-commital ambivalence, what is?! It just goes to show that even th language that they chose to use speaks volumes!
And guess what? Eureka! In reading these words I did not feel “saved” or “validated”; I feel like I have learned to speak his language, so now I understand what he means by what he says as well as by what he does! What an f’n relief!
Don’t be angry – be free!

however, the smart thing is not to display the anger if you really want to be shrewd. its a game and if you want to keep your power, don’t blow. blow up at home, hit the tennis racquet to the bed, etc. But don’t show him. Play it cool and smart. Slide away like a snake and dissapear, take a trip and don’t tell him. Disconnect your phone, don’t answer your door and find someone else, make a million dollars. But don’t blow up and last but not least – Never Ever take it out on your darling self!!! Do you think George Clooney beats himself up?

I really like that perspective! I believe it’s more true then we realize about these AC / EUM’s.

Good luck to all those who are just starting out, using the NCR, etc. Natalie has done a great job on this site, be thankful to have found her site and to have so much support in healing, moving on, and learning more about yourselves.

I had a low point last Friday and texted the SOBAssclown. I now regret it, but I’m not angry at myself. I think a part of his lure like Natalie said in the article, is that I WORKED so hard for him to care, and now that he doesn’t seem to give a flying poo, that he’s moved on, and probably found a new girl to play the “my heart is so broken I haven’t loved for years” crap (big breath), that it may just be in my mind. I’m trying this new way of thinking…that it’s really about me wanting him to love me…when he’s incapable of loving anyone. And, if I coulda shoulda woulda, I may still be stucka with the son of a bi*cha.

Myrtle
No contact since 3-12-10 (damn, I was doing so well)

One thing I’ve learned about my past relationships, why I repeatedly went into “bad” relationships knowingly and why I hung onto them and kept trying is because I thought that was the best I can do. My self-esteem was shot and I didn’t know that I deserved better than being in a pile of shit.

Once I’ve learned that I deserve better. I deserve to be loved, happy, thought of, respected, embraced, to laugh whole-heartily everyday, that’s when I discovered myself. I’m not completely there yet, I’m a WIP, although when I do realize at a start of a bad relationship like my last one, I know how fast I need to jump out of the window and run, however, I’ve learned to be kind about it. I’ve learned that men do leave “hints” about themselves. Nobody can perpetually be on their best behaviour to the point where they say all the right things, all the time. They’re humans too, just like us and we can’t be on our best behaviour, all the time.

In the past, I tend to get mad at myself more because I allowed things to happen. I am the driver of every relationship, not just a passenger and I have the right to steer the car either left or right and I have the right to place it on park or reverse. If I don’t like the car, I could always get out and leave the key in the front seat for someone else to pick it up and drive it away. If another woman picks the keys up and start driving away with it, I hope she finds out fast, like myself, that the car she’s driving is not suitable to be driven and hopes that she doesn’t get into an accident and gets hurt. I think best with analogies.

Thank you,
Sherry