Comments on: Understanding Why Someone Fakes a Future With You

By: JessC

JessC — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 20:57:07 +0000

I got sucked in by a future faker…they are so hard to resist…especially the ones who become MORE persistent the more you dismiss their comments. My future faker talked about introducing me to his Mother (who lives in another country), having a baby together, where we would be in two, three, five years time….and all of this just three or four months into the relationship…I resisted, resisted, resisted..and he persisted, persisted, persisted….but almost as soon as I gave in and said “ok I’m in…I believe you” it was like a switch went off…it was like all of a sudden there were real expectations growing out of his fake words and that is when things started to change….plans would be abandoned at the last minute, there were excuses as to why he couldn’t see me…and when I expressed hurt or disappointment I was painted as being “too needy” or “too clingy”….time passed and he told me he loved me SOOOOOO much that he had to break up with me because he knew he would just hurt me down the line….I saw all the (fake) dreams he had presented to me fall away into nothing and I grieved the loss of this “perfect” love…what did I do? why did I let this happen? If only I had been less needy, less pushy, more patient and understanding and tolerant….a month later I found out he had been seeing at least one other woman for the latter part of our relationship…it hurt terribly…I felt so ashamed of myself and so betrayed…I’m still trying to get over that sense that I was fooled my someone I really cared about…even now he still denies that he cheated in the face of a BIG amount of evidence (including photos she posted of them together)…I know I will be ok…and I’m glad I’m no longer building my hopes on a fake future…I have no doubt she is hearing stories of trips to visit Mother and beautiful children as we speak.

By: Linda

Linda — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 20:22:26 +0000

My ex AC always disappeared around holidays and yes, acted as if he didn’t realize or I had misunderstood that we would be together. If I called, he would be out of town or busy doing something with a guy friend and act as if he was so surprised I was expecting him. He would say things, then pretend it never happened, accuse me of dreaming it up or over-analyzing things he’d said to the point of twisting them. He would say I was crazy. He even dated two other women while he lived with me and said to me that I misunderstood our relationship if I thought it was that type of relationship and he could do what he wanted. It was always just about him and making things work for him,everyone else be damned. I also feel like a huge weight came off of me when it ended for good.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 21:19:32 +0000

Megan, thanks for sharing your story. Stay strong – just remember you are a good person, and he is emotionally bankrupt and does not deserve you. After my emotional affair ended with my future faker, after a few days of hurt and bewilderment, I suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and now am so glad he is gone. He was dragging me down and ruining my self-respect, but now am starting to feel healthy and positive again that I deserve to find a man who will treat me as I deserve to be treated.

By: Megan

Megan — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:50:13 +0000

I was sucked in by a future faker. It was the most horribly 4 months of my life. He was my high school sweetheart- he came back into my life now (he’s 28 and I’m 26) years later while he was going through a divorce. I got it all- I love you, and I think I have for years- I should have married you- if I hadn’t joined the Army I know we’d be together and married and happy-

He came into town- we talked as old friends and then he swept me off my feet. Asked me to move with him to Colorado next year, said he wanted us to have kids together in the future (4 to be exact and yes we even disscused babies names), we drove around are hometown and he showed me this neighborhood he would love for us to live in one day- bla bla bla.

He goes home and then I hoped on the craziest 4 month roller coaster of my life. I just couldn’t get off because every time I did he’d suck me back in.

Low and behold now he is with some new girl he met- hahah get this 2 days after he left here. He was my first love and now the first guy who really destroyed me.

He was the King of up’s and downs. He ruined my self esteem and broke my heart in a way I didn’t know was possible.

It has been 2 months since I’ve talked to him- I’m still very much healing- it is so hard and I really don’t know how I will ever feel completely good- but I’m just acknowldging that these things take time.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 01:37:16 +0000

I dare anyone to top my future faker story, it’s quite a doozy. I met a man online in a chat forum, when both of us were unhappy in our marriages, and because we were going through similar situations, we started corresponding. However, what started out as an innocent friendship soon turned into a full-blown emotional affair – he being the major pursuer at first. I had been unhappy in my marriage but hadn’t really entertained the notion of leaving until I met Mr. Future Faker, but it felt like a true cosmic soulmate connection – it blew us both away how similar we were. Pretty soon, he was telling me he loved me, I was his one and only soulmate, he thought about me night and day, and actually convinced me that we should both leave our spouses to be with each other – he was in another country, but because of his children, wanted me to move there – he was even talking visas and how he could help get me a job. We were even making plans to meet up after our separations were official. So I left my husband….but at the last minute he had a change of heart and said he still loved his wife and couldn’t bear to hurt his children…funny how that could be after telling me they essentially lived like roomates for years…and told me never to contact him again. But my marriage was essentially over anyway, so in a sense, it was the catalyst I needed to get out….but I still can’t understand how someone’s feelings could change that fast….I’m still reeling and can’t quite fathom what has happened to my life in such a short time. Boy, I feel sorry for his wife….she’s got herself one messed up man, and she actually took him back after she found out about us (my husband never clued in) but I guess she has to live with him, not me – he did me a huge favor actually -better to realize his bipolar nature now than later if I had actually got together with him….what a relief! But it also hurts a lot too, because in many ways, at the time, I felt he was my one and only true love…..that’s a hard feeling to shake.

By: JJ2

JJ2 — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 23:52:10 +0000

Whoa, is this true! My EUM would get really upset if I “obsessed” (his words) over something he said. Yes, I would analyze it. Maybe to extremes, but he was blowing hot and cold and I was forced to analyze his words. Which meant, I would “find him out.” Which he didn’t want. But yet, he felt it was ok for HIM to “read between lines.” He just didn’t like it when I did it.

By: ONCE A YOYO GIRL

ONCE A YOYO GIRL — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:03:15 +0000

WOOOOOOW. you just wrote down a really well-said description of this guy i used to date.

he was the type of guy who would text me for a few days straight, call me up on the phone, then disappear for a week. it took him around 2 months before finally asking me out on a date. he’d tell me we should do this and that and of course, those things never happened. when i stopped replying to his texts he started ‘chasing’ me back and when i finally said i just found him too ‘random’ he said it was because he was busy and he had a lot of activities then just stopped replying. the next day he texted me again like everything was just normal. that’s when i finally came to my senses and told him to stop asking me out.

it took me months to finally cut him off from my life. but lesson well learned indeed.

thank you for this wonderful post.

By: DazedandConfused

DazedandConfused — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 18:22:02 +0000

This is the most amazing post ever as this is what I have been asking for ages!

Thank you so much.

By: Sweet648

Sweet648 — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 00:08:06 +0000

I was with a future faker, but one that was one of “the ones who meant it as much as they could mean it at the time” because he’s immature and knew nothing about love (and probably still doesn’t)

I saw hints for a couple of occassions and once i asked myself if its normal to be so upset on a daily basis bacause he’s always unavailable and only spoke on the phone when it was convenient for him. I spoke to my best friends and ended it before I went on hols for a month so that I could start 2010 fresh. And it seemed like he was as relieved as I was, meaning he was just in the relationship being an a** until I ended things myself.

When I randomly met him at a seminar, things went so fast and he traveled down 4 hours just to see me for a few hours every week, spoke about me being the first girl to get to meet his parents, that he could have been falling in love with me blah blah….

Lets just say after 4 months when i mentioned meeting his friends (i only met two of them after 4 months!) or his family, he snapped and denied all forms of commitment and demanded I should show more commitment by having sex (I had said we should hold out – good decision!) and…..by telling my parents (?!!!). I think that just did it for me and if he was trying to piss me off, it worked.

I never really understood the guy. I kept thinking of how good “he was” before and felt guilty for not chasing him back….so in the end I made lots of effort and I gave it a shot until he showed almost no reason for me to be with him. So basically when guys start behaving this way, its already worthless from his side so no matter how good you are, he’ll not change at that moment in time!

Remember not to blame yourself girls! As long as you did your bit, you’re not to blame for their bad behavior – that’s an issue they will have to deal with in future. When a REAL guy who cares for you comes into your life you wont need to think about these things, as NML said… he will ACT and not SAY.

By: Half Happy Soul

Half Happy Soul — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 02:15:17 +0000

Oh my GOD, Natalie, I wish I read this post ten days ago!!! How do you know all this??? IT is exactly my situation, and I am so depressed about it…My AC disappered before Christmas, saying that his brother came to visit him, when it was New Year celebration, two days before that he was sent to Africa, by his boss! HE cant even lie properly, or he thinks I am that stupid to believe him??? AND still want him:-( I just want to die, I thought New Year I will be free of him, but no, I am still in the same board and still FBG!!!

By: Mel

Mel — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 12:20:34 +0000

My best friend was with a future faker for over a year. He was married and got her pregnant after promising he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She was totally taken in by it all but he literally cut off all contact with her from the moment he found out. The rest is history but it has taken her a long long time to recover. The man is no longer in her life but i know that there isn’t a day that goes by, almost 2 years on when she doesn’t think about it and still struggles to understand how someone could do that to another person. The irony is that when his wife found out she said that my friend had tricked her husband – little did she know that my friend was being deceived and lied to as much as she was. Had she known his real intentions and the true status of his relationship with his wife she would have ended the relationship before it had such devastating consequences.

By: Used

Used — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 23:13:14 +0000

Gayle–
Thank you for the concern.

Answer: I don’t, not anymore! No Christmas cards to the main troublemaker, either!

Happy New Year!

By: Trinity

Trinity — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:16:46 +0000

Hi aphrogirl î”
I have to say i agree with you about these morons not having enough courage to keep it real and act like grown ups.
I often watched my X flip out, turn something really easy and small into a huge drama, or something that could have been resolved with a simple chat turn into an epic scale drama because instead of just talking about it (which I was doing) he chose to shut down from days to weeks. The clincher is that I was then blamed for his misery and it was all my fault for bringing something up. This started to teach me that bringing up an issue = punishment by my X going cold, taking the dream away and most importantly putting our relationship on the line. I think these AC’s love drama and make everything more difficult and messy then it ever needs to be. What a joke !!!!

By: Gayle

Gayle — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:35:35 +0000

Used,

Why do you still associate with these people??

By: chrisb

chrisb — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 01:40:19 +0000

aphrogirl – oh, I ***still*** hate mine (with a vengance) .. not for being a shallow, manipulative, lieing, sandcastle in the sky no hoper though but simply for wasting my time (1 year of it 15 years ago, and also the last 5 years).

I don’t hate them as a person – they’re not grown up/emotioally developed enough to warrant hating for that – I simply hate the fact that they wasted my time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this is ok though – it means they hold now power over me and the only “memory” I am keeping alive with any anger/negative emotion at present is the one of wasted time.

As I am regaining control over my time and being more positive with it then I am noticing I need this anger less and less though, but it’s still useful at times, especially like now to remind me why all AC’s are no good for me