Vixen’s Guide to: Dealing with a Cock Blocker

January 4, 2006 by Vixen

Cockblocking (also known as Playa Hating) is an action that your girlfriend uses to draw you away from a guy that she doesn’t want you messing with. She will intrude on the conversation, use a predetermined signal, grab your arm, embarass him in some way or just pull you away. Usually this occurs in clubs and bars but can also be extended to other locations and relationships.

Normally, when we girls go out to party, there is that unspoken rule that we come as a group and leave together. It’s a safety issue as well as a feminine bonding thing. Very rarely this might be broken, but generally this is the status quo.

Cockblocking isn’t always a bad action; it has saved many a woman from landing into trouble, one-night stands with sleazy dogs, getting raped, assaulted or kidnapped. Your girl has your back, she isn’t as drunk as you, and is seeing the guy for what he really is. She is protecting you and keeping your best interests at heart. In this case, cockblocking is definitely a good thing.

However, constant cockblocking by a particular friend might spell deeper issues. Does this occur every single time you two go out, irrespective of what gentleman you are talking to? Does she insist that you dance only with her, and if you dance with anyone else she gets upset? Does she keep telling you not to give your number to any guy whenever you go out?

Your friend might be jealous of you, your ability to attract men and the inner confidence that you display. She might secretly envy you and your allure because of her own low self esteem. She might have wanted the guy chatting you up for herself and when he picked you instead of her, it simmered her rage. There could be a list of reasons why she is cockblocking, but the action is the same.

Cockblocking can also be applied to relationships. There is a low probability that all your friends will like the man you are seeing. However, if your friend tells you that she doesn’t like your boyfriend, yet gives you no concrete reason for this, she might just be jealous. If she constantly belittles your relationship and has no respect for it/him, she might be cockblocking. If she drops innuendos and comments like, “I don’t know what you see in him. He’s not good enough for you,” she might be cockblocking.

How does a girl deal with cockblocking?

1. Examine her actions from all perspectives. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between cockblocking out of love or out of envy, but beneath murky reasons the truth will come out. If she is drunk while cockblocking, that in itself might be a reason.
2. Make your safety your own prerequisite. If you have poor judgement in men, she might just be trying to help. Perhaps it’s just the mother hen syndrome that’s affecting her. Show her that you can take care of yourself, don’t get drunk when you go out and give her confidence in your decision making skills. Listen to your own sixth sense and let your intuition guide you.

3. Talk to your friend. Try and find out what the underlying cause is. If she had some past with your man, or heard rumours about him, that might taint the way she views him. Let her know that her actions bother you.

4. Tell her to back the fuck off cut it out. If it is bothering you and she’s constantly doing this, tell her to back off and respect your decisions. Sometimes a firm tone is needed for her to get the message.

5. Ignore her. If all else fails, you might have to stop talking about it. Don’t bring up the topic of the guy that sends her into spasmic cockblock mode. Give her vague, superficial responses about your relationship when she does ask and try to keep the guy in question away from her. If the friendship is causing you undue stress, you might have to break it up, or put her on timeout for a while to ease things up.
Above all, remember that you are a fabulous vixen and don’t let her antics affect you deeply.

Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide