Vixen’s Guide to: Getting a Blowjob from a Girl
December 13, 2005 by Vixen
For some reason, men love receiving blowjobs. There is something about the act that turns them on. Just thinking about getting one from the fantasy woman of choice has many of them reeling. To my surprise, I’ve had several guys choose getting a BJ from yours truly rather than even sex.
The problem isn’t with us giving men blowjobs…the problem that I’ve noticed is how the men receive said blowjobs. And this is what the guide is all about. If you aren’t a good receiver, chances are I won’t want to mess with you ever again.
For starters, if I even consider putting my lips on you, you should be glad, and ecstatic that I would seek to pleasure you in this manner. You shouldn’t think that I’m obligated to please you, because I’m not, it’s a choice and I can readily turn around and say no.
And just because I decide to give you a BJ every now and then doesn’t make it a regular course on the menu. Don’t expect that every time you see me you will be getting me going down on you, because it’s not gonna happen. In fact, any expectations pour water on the ardor that caused me to want to please you in the first place.
What’s up with that comment that you guys make…”No woman has ever made me cum.”??? You know that that is a flat out lie and we know that it is too. Unless you are a 17 year old virgin, or lived in a monastery all your life, we know that you are just trying to get us to work at making you cum harder. We aren’t stupid, we see right through that line and aren’t impressed. Another stupid phrase that you should not utter are, “My ex gave better BJs to me all the time”, in fact, do not compare me to the last lady that went down on you at all. I’m the best you ever had…keep that phrase in mind, it will get you more.
Don’t try and control the pace at which the event occurs: You are the receiver, just do your work and moan to let me know that what I’m doing pleases you. Don’t get mad because I’m taking my time exploring all the other sensitive areas around your member, you should be glad that I’m paying attention to the little guys. Don’t shove me or push my head to hurry up and get to your penis already, because that would just infuriate me.
Under no circumstances are you to try and force your whole penis into my mouth. (The only exception is if you have a 3-inch or less penis, in which case I probably wouldn’t be going down on you anyway). Not all of us can be like Pepa and swallow banana whole. The average penis is 6 inches erect…the average woman’s mouth is about 3 inches from lips to throat. So be smart and do the math. And no, I do not want your member hitting the back of my throat. As much as it may turn you on, deep-throating is really not that common unless you are a porn star or have no gag reflex. Gagging is more often the natural body’s reaction to that, and trust me, you do not want me puking all over you.
Don’t take forever and a day to cum. If I start getting a crick in my neck or the clock reads 20 minutes later, you are taking too damn long. This is not a part time job you know! Do whatever you have to do to get off, think of Angelina Jolie, fantasize, touch me, picture yourself inside me…whatever, just hurry up already! Trust me, you don’t want me to stop….if I do stop because you are taking too friggin long, you might just have to palm the rest of the way.
Unless previously stated, do not expect that you get to pour your juices all over my face, on my body or on my pristine 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. And don’t expect every woman to swallow your load, because for some, it’s just plain nasty and we don’t like how it tastes. If we do swallow it, you should be pretty happy and grateful.
After you cum, do not expect me to clean you up. You’re a big boy, take care of that your damn self. However, if I feel that you are worth it, I just might. And don’t roll over and fall asleep, leaving me to sleep on the wet spot. That’s not nice! The proper ettiquette is: give me a kiss, articulate your thanks and cuddle with me for a little bit. That is standard protocol (unless you are a quickie, one-night stand or some guy I picked up in a bar/party, in which case I expect you to leave immediately).
The rule of reciprocity does apply here. Do not keep asking for BJs if you can’t or won’t return the favor. And when you do, you better know what the hell you are doing or be a quick learner or you will see a direct correlation to quality and quantity of your BJs.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide
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second article i’ve read on requiring to return the bj… which i really really dont mind doing. but i have yet to see any info on what some of the general great rules are for doing it right.
i’ve had the privilege of trying to please a few different women that way, but it’d be nice if a place like this would not just complain, but educate as well.
Hey Silver,
I wrote an article on what you are looking for just to further elucidate from a woman’s perspective.
http://vixentales.blogspot.com/2006/01/art-of-giving-woman-blowjob.html
If you are looking for tips on how to give a guy a great blowjob, check it out here.
http://theovereducatednympho.com/2006/11/16/how-to-give-a-blowjob-its-all-in-your-head-and-eyes/
I’m sure this will help abit more. Cheers.