For some reason, men love receiving blowjobs. There is something about the act that turns them on. Just thinking about getting one from the fantasy woman of choice has many of them reeling. To my surprise, I’ve had several guys choose getting a BJ from yours truly rather than even sex.
The problem isn’t with us giving men blowjobs…the problem that I’ve noticed is how the men receive said blowjobs. And this is what the guide is all about. If you aren’t a good receiver, chances are I won’t want to mess with you ever again.
For starters, if I even consider putting my lips on you, you should be glad, and ecstatic that I would seek to pleasure you in this manner. You shouldn’t think that I’m obligated to please you, because I’m not, it’s a choice and I can readily turn around and say no.
And just because I decide to give you a BJ every now and then doesn’t make it a regular course on the menu. Don’t expect that every time you see me you will be getting me going down on you, because it’s not gonna happen. In fact, any expectations pour water on the ardor that caused me to want to please you in the first place.
What’s up with that comment that you guys make…”No woman has ever made me cum.”??? You know that that is a flat out lie and we know that it is too. Unless you are a 17 year old virgin, or lived in a monastery all your life, we know that you are just trying to get us to work at making you cum harder. We aren’t stupid, we see right through that line and aren’t impressed. Another stupid phrase that you should not utter are, “My ex gave better BJs to me all the time”, in fact, do not compare me to the last lady that went down on you at all. I’m the best you ever had…keep that phrase in mind, it will get you more.
Don’t try and control the pace at which the event occurs: You are the receiver, just do your work and moan to let me know that what I’m doing pleases you. Don’t get mad because I’m taking my time exploring all the other sensitive areas around your member, you should be glad that I’m paying attention to the little guys. Don’t shove me or push my head to hurry up and get to your penis already, because that would just infuriate me.
Under no circumstances are you to try and force your whole penis into my mouth. (The only exception is if you have a 3-inch or less penis, in which case I probably wouldn’t be going down on you anyway). Not all of us can be like Pepa and swallow banana whole. The average penis is 6 inches erect…the average woman’s mouth is about 3 inches from lips to throat. So be smart and do the math. And no, I do not want your member hitting the back of my throat. As much as it may turn you on, deep-throating is really not that common unless you are a porn star or have no gag reflex. Gagging is more often the natural body’s reaction to that, and trust me, you do not want me puking all over you.
Don’t take forever and a day to cum. If I start getting a crick in my neck or the clock reads 20 minutes later, you are taking too damn long. This is not a part time job you know! Do whatever you have to do to get off, think of Angelina Jolie, fantasize, touch me, picture yourself inside me…whatever, just hurry up already! Trust me, you don’t want me to stop….if I do stop because you are taking too friggin long, you might just have to palm the rest of the way.
Unless previously stated, do not expect that you get to pour your juices all over my face, on my body or on my pristine 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. And don’t expect every woman to swallow your load, because for some, it’s just plain nasty and we don’t like how it tastes. If we do swallow it, you should be pretty happy and grateful.
After you cum, do not expect me to clean you up. You’re a big boy, take care of that your damn self. However, if I feel that you are worth it, I just might. And don’t roll over and fall asleep, leaving me to sleep on the wet spot. That’s not nice! The proper ettiquette is: give me a kiss, articulate your thanks and cuddle with me for a little bit. That is standard protocol (unless you are a quickie, one-night stand or some guy I picked up in a bar/party, in which case I expect you to leave immediately).
The rule of reciprocity does apply here. Do not keep asking for BJs if you can’t or won’t return the favor. And when you do, you better know what the hell you are doing or be a quick learner or you will see a direct correlation to quality and quantity of your BJs.
Vixen is Deputy Editor for Baggage Reclaim. Visit her blog Bad Girls Guide
{ 14 comments }
second article i’ve read on requiring to return the bj… which i really really dont mind doing. but i have yet to see any info on what some of the general great rules are for doing it right.
i’ve had the privilege of trying to please a few different women that way, but it’d be nice if a place like this would not just complain, but educate as well.
Hey Silver,
I wrote an article on what you are looking for just to further elucidate from a woman’s perspective.
http://vixentales.blogspot.com/2006/01/art-of-giving-woman-blowjob.html
If you are looking for tips on how to give a guy a great blowjob, check it out here.
http://theovereducatednympho.com/2006/11/16/how-to-give-a-blowjob-its-all-in-your-head-and-eyes/
I’m sure this will help abit more. Cheers.
this was unnecessary and was a waste of 5 mins of my life. If you don’t like giving blowjobs THE RIGHT WAY then just don’t do it…don’t complain. I can understand if you don’t want me to bust in your mouth or something..but don’t mention things that females themselves do..like rush their partner to hurry up and get TO THE POINT.
wow, sure your not a lesbian… wth!?
Hmm.. I do not agree Vixen. I actually like it when a man moves along a bit and controls the pace. Grabs my hair and stuff like that I hate it when they just lie back and let you do your thing. It always makes me feel a bit lonely being down there with just a penis and no person attached….
You really don’t know anything about mutual relationships do you?
You really have NO idea what you’re talking about. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re ONE person, one girl. You speak for yourself, not every damn girl in the world. If I ever ended up getting a blowjob from you, I would keep this stuff in mind. But what are the chances of that? 1 in AT LEAST a billion. Why is that? There are more girls out there who thnk differently than you, you don’t represent girl’s you represent you. No one cares about you right now on the internet, sorry.
I’ve talked about my last ladies to my new girls all the time, and how much better they performed. And you know what? EVERY SINGLE TIME, it made them do better because they’ve wanted to do better to please me. Like I said, you really have no idea what you’re talking about. Thanks for taking up space on the internet and wasting the world’s time.
“Perfect”–
You compare your women, do you?
And you named yourself “Perfect” here?
Go see a therapist–the signs are there of the makings of a major narcissist!
(BTW, comparing women to get them to perform better is sick–and it says a lot about the women you date, that they are insecure!)
hahah the both the article and the comments are pretty fun
GTFO U DUMB BITCH U NEED TO STFU WE ALL KNOW UR HORNY NOW GO ON EHARMONY.COM AND LOOK FOR AN BITCH THATS UGLIER THAN U kthxbai
I have to agree with most of the comments left here. This just sounds like someone who doesn’t like to give blow-jobs telling guys how to act during one should she decide to bless them with her presence.
As for the title “Getting a blowjob from a girl” here are some tips.
1. Be nice to girls, ask them out, treat them with a little respect, take them on a date or two and be patient!
2. Go to a party full of drunk girls.
As for hair-pulling, deep-throat and cumming in mouth and on face, I have been with plenty of girls who don’t mind this and even like it. I have been with a few who don’t swallow and, while it may seem unfair, if you don’t you are already one off the competition.
I respect the effort and work of doing the blog but if you’re going to refer to a Vixen…..don’t write like a poodle!
John–
Wow, you get BJs by date #3?
You write off girls who don’t swallow?
Good for you, John! May you marry the biggest expert at BJs in whatever country you live in! Hope you are secure enough as a man to deal with this (your wife’s past history, which will be what will have made her an expert at bjs) for the rest of your life! When guys buys you and your wife drinks at a bar, you’ll know why they are doing it!
Or am I all wrong here and you’ll marry “that sweet nice girl” and get your perfect bjs on the side? (Or expect the nice girl to transform overnight, with the help pf your “expertise”?)
Hopefully, you are NOT a hypocrite and will choose option #1 above.
You know, those women experts DO become someone’s wife one day!
Wow. I get the whole feminist empowerment thing but this shitty attitude should be reserved for a girl who can throat all 10 for the duration of a football game. You take yourself a little too seriously, and that ruins it for any self respecting man.
Enjoy those schmucks you pick up and bring home. Maybe that’s part of why you feel shallow and empty inside.
I’ll settle for a girl that has ME in mind, not herself the whole time. You sound like an egotistical, self centered cunt. Who might I add likely needs to feel powerful to compensate for being insecure about giving inadequate blowjobs.
I know that if I said that type f garbage to girls I went down on I’d feel like, and would be, a huge fuckin asshole.
All you’ll ever get will be spineless “yes men”. And it’s all you’ll ever deserve.
J. i have just read your comment on this blog.and feel compelled to say to you just how shocked and disgusted i was to see that you have said Vixen sounds like an “egotistical, self centred c…” – this name calling is beyond vile and totally uncalled for. You mention “no self respecting man” in your reply so that it appears you think you are one, i can assure you that your behaviour says completely the opposite, the name calling suggests you are a nasty bully of the lowest kind who is incapable of informed debate and instead resorts to hurtful name calling and accusations of a woman having “issues” because you don’t happen to agree with her.
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