Vixen’s Guide to: Getting Your Man to Talk Dirty
June 7, 2006 by Vixen
Talking dirty comprises of all the really no-holds-barred comments you make in the boudoir. The ones that might give you a blush in polite society and yet is deemed acceptable in the bedroom. The ones that you come with a request, a demand, an invitation. The arena of dirty talk, where four letter words are just the precursors to more passion and ardor.
In my limited experience, I’ve come across a couple of guys who are really shy when it comes to breaking out the nasty words in the bedroom. I’m all for a guy being a gentleman outside of the bedroom but how am I supposed to unleash my inner vixen if you shudder and shrink at the words coming out of my mouth? How am I supposed to let myself go there, let loose and let it all out when I have to restrain myself in the guise of being polite? Who stays polite in the bedroom anyway? Virgin Mary?
“Such a potty mouth you have there,” one unfortunate guy actually had the audacity to tell me. Please don’t ask me what happened to him—needless to say it wasn’t pretty.
For some reason, there is a coterie of guys that think that only moans and groans are acceptable in the bedroom. There are guys that don’t make a sound at all, as if making any sounds precludes their enjoyment or might send a SWAT team in. To all the ladies out there who are struggling with aligning their inner freaks with the stoic and proper man that inhabits your bedroom, this is dedicated to you. Here are a few reasons why he might be a Silent Bob and some tips on how to get him talking.
- He actually might be shy: If he’s shy, you can’t push him out of it, you have got to handle it gently. Try taking little baby steps, ask him if what you are doing feels good. He might nod or say yes and then encourage him to moan instead. Make it a game. Tell him that you want to be told most explicitly what you want him to do to you. The more he talks—the more you do.
- He might have had a traumatic experience: There are gals out there who believe the total opposite and hold to the old theory that silence in the bedroom is best. He might have been burned by his ex, she yelled (or worse laughed) at him for saying too much or making too much noise. So he’s gone to the extreme in the hopes of pleasing you not knowing that you are a believer in the more the better! In this scenario, it’s best to just let him know that you are easy and he can say whatever he wants. Except for the stuff that you don’t want him to say—things that might hurt you or make you feel really, really low.
- He might be…ummm a novice to dirty talk: After all, not every guy knows all the keys to the kingdom. This must be one where you revert to our tried a true method of teaching him. Telling him that it really turns you on might be a good place to start. He’s aiming to please you so what’s not to love?
- He might be embarrassed: After all, some still are of the mind that talking dirty is for porn stars and nymphomaniacs. He might be in this category and not trying to make himself look like a fool in front of you. So once again, try one of the tips above. Have him try with a fluffier side of dirty talk, just describing some of the naughty things he wants to do to you. Give positive affirmation and eventually he won’t see it as a bad thing.
Other tips to get him used to it:
- Buy those magnetic alphabet letters for his fridge. Every time you go by it, spell a different word. A little subliminal message everytime he is reaching for a snack;)
- Send him text messages all through the day. I’m sure you can come up with a lot of ways to say let’s get it on.
- Reward him with a love act of his own choosing when he does break out into dirty talk. If it worked for Pavlov, it should work for you.
- Lead by example. After all, imitation is the best form of flattery.
The easiest part is usually getting them to break out the dirty talk. Getting them to shut it up—now that’s a lesson for another day.
For more of Vixen’s sassy, sharp posts, check out her blog Bad Girls Guide
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[...] Vixen’s Guide to: Getting Your Man to Talk Dirty [...]
Another possibility could be that he just isn’t enjoying himself or isn’t into the moment. I’ve been with girls who were flat-out boring, despite weeks of trying to train them. Once I realized they couldn’t be taught, I just did my duty for King and Country without a sound.
I think the most common reason, though, is that guys have learned their dirty-talk from porn, and some porn is not as good at dialogue as others. Some is flat out degrading, and only a few women enjoy the talk going that far.
For example, the phrase “Oh God. You’re such a (noun).” There are plenty of nouns that will excite a woman, but there are also plenty that will hurt her feelings. We, being stupid men, do not know the difference until we try them. So it’s just better not to risk it in most cases. Cuz once you hurt her feelings in the heat of passion, you can write off any further encounters for awhile.
[...] Vixen’s Guide to: Getting Your Man to Talk Dirty [...]
Good point Stuckey. It’s hard for me to phanthom a guy not into having sex though, perhaps that’s why I didn’t think about that. LOL!