Comments on: Waiting To Exhale http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Fri, 10 Feb 2012 23:22:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Anita http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-265294 Anita Tue, 15 Jun 2010 10:53:46 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-265294 Oh Nat. You just described me. I really needed that. xx Oh Nat. You just described me. I really needed that. xx

]]> By: Hot Alpha Female http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-236069 Hot Alpha Female Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:55:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-236069 Some women need some resuscitation and I think your post just might have given them a boost. Wow. Don't wait for a great life, great relaitonship to happen, just make the most of what you have got? I was having this convo with my friend the other day. Now we are both young 22 and 23 for that matter. We were laughing about the fact that when we are in our 40s and 50s we would be reminiscing on how these were the best years of our lives. Complete and utter freedom. No attachments. No baggage and hardly any responsibility. No matter where you are. Live this moment as if it is your best! Hot Alpha Female Your Go To Girl For Dating Advice http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com Latest Post: The “He’s Just Not That Into” Rules. Do They Really Apply? Some women need some resuscitation and I think your post just might have given them a boost.

Wow. Don’t wait for a great life, great relaitonship to happen, just make the most of what you have got?

I was having this convo with my friend the other day. Now we are both young 22 and 23 for that matter.

We were laughing about the fact that when we are in our 40s and 50s we would be reminiscing on how these were the best years of our lives.

Complete and utter freedom. No attachments. No baggage and hardly any responsibility.

No matter where you are. Live this moment as if it is your best!

Hot Alpha Female
Your Go To Girl For Dating Advice
http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com
Latest Post: The “He’s Just Not That Into” Rules. Do They Really Apply?

]]> By: Brad K. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-227226 Brad K. Fri, 15 May 2009 14:46:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-227226 Deliyah, About "I’m amazed at the number of assclowns there are" - that is true. But the issue is - there really are more guys that wouldn't be an assclown. Why are so many EUM's and bozos clumped up in the same places - and why are they finding dates? If you want a good deal on shoes, you go where the shoe deals are. If you want a disciplined, home-oriented guy that is honest, honorable, respectful, and courteous - why aren't the places *they* frequent more popular? The truth is that too often we mistake the feelings of affection and love, for the cold, logical, defensive act of choosing a mate. When we dabble with intimacy - picking up "cute" strangers, dating people we don't know about (or haven't bothered to ask), and hoping that when one turns out to be fun to be with - they will be a good partner prospect, instead of a perpetual dater working on their skills at winning new bed partners. Dating cannot be a recreational activity, if you are really looking for a long-term relationship partner. Dating is properly, for the mate-minded, part of a courtship ritual. That is, you don't get that close unless you have already determined the candidate is suitable, and interested in finding a life-mate. It is too easy to overlook red flags and signs of danger after the emotions start getting involved. Umm, sort of a "do your homework before you go out to play" kind of thing.. "The good ones are all taken" may not be technically true - but most of the good ones, by their mid-twenties, have stopped "looking" at single's hot-spots and singles functions. Luck! <abbr><em>Brad K.’s last blog post..<a href="http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2009/04/14/dont-love-harder/" rel="nofollow">Don’t love harder.</a></abbr></em> Deliyah,

About “I’m amazed at the number of assclowns there are” – that is true. But the issue is – there really are more guys that wouldn’t be an assclown. Why are so many EUM’s and bozos clumped up in the same places – and why are they finding dates?

If you want a good deal on shoes, you go where the shoe deals are. If you want a disciplined, home-oriented guy that is honest, honorable, respectful, and courteous – why aren’t the places *they* frequent more popular?

The truth is that too often we mistake the feelings of affection and love, for the cold, logical, defensive act of choosing a mate. When we dabble with intimacy – picking up “cute” strangers, dating people we don’t know about (or haven’t bothered to ask), and hoping that when one turns out to be fun to be with – they will be a good partner prospect, instead of a perpetual dater working on their skills at winning new bed partners.

Dating cannot be a recreational activity, if you are really looking for a long-term relationship partner. Dating is properly, for the mate-minded, part of a courtship ritual. That is, you don’t get that close unless you have already determined the candidate is suitable, and interested in finding a life-mate. It is too easy to overlook red flags and signs of danger after the emotions start getting involved. Umm, sort of a “do your homework before you go out to play” kind of thing..

“The good ones are all taken” may not be technically true – but most of the good ones, by their mid-twenties, have stopped “looking” at single’s hot-spots and singles functions.

Luck!

Brad K.’s last blog post..Don’t love harder.

]]> By: Deliyah http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-227140 Deliyah Fri, 15 May 2009 02:50:01 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-227140 I've read a lot of these posts over the last few days. I'm amazed at the number of assclowns there are out there!! Well, I'm embarassed to say I've been with probably the biggest assclown of them all for nine years! In fact he's such an assclown, that we have owned a home together for six years but yet he has not even moved in with me! I don't know why I waited..thinking he would change. Its obvious he never will. Mention any expectation for him, any boundary, any discussion of a future and he creates the most immature dramatic fit, just like you would expect of an assclown, screaming obscenities and calling me the worst things possible...then getting on a plane for his job and leaving town. He did this to me so badly then I ended up physically ill, lost 35 lbs, multiple surgeries, and ongoing health problems for life. Yes, I realize I let him do this. I've grown alot over the last couple years understanding his assclown predictable behaviors and he just did this to me this last weekend........so now he is done! I took him back twice after breaking up with him before. He promised to go to counseling, etc. but all it was was a weak attempt to show some effort to gain control on me all over again. He is not worth the toilet paper I use. These assclowns try to make us feel as though the problem is us when there is nothing wrong with us. I'm beautiful, sexy, great shape, intelligent, etc. etc. and this assclown likes putting me down because he is 70 lbs. overweight and a complete assclown. Well no more, assclown., You are done. I’ve read a lot of these posts over the last few days. I’m amazed at the number of assclowns there are out there!! Well, I’m embarassed to say I’ve been with probably the biggest assclown of them all for nine years! In fact he’s such an assclown, that we have owned a home together for six years but yet he has not even moved in with me! I don’t know why I waited..thinking he would change. Its obvious he never will. Mention any expectation for him, any boundary, any discussion of a future and he creates the most immature dramatic fit, just like you would expect of an assclown, screaming obscenities and calling me the worst things possible…then getting on a plane for his job and leaving town. He did this to me so badly then I ended up physically ill, lost 35 lbs, multiple surgeries, and ongoing health problems for life. Yes, I realize I let him do this. I’ve grown alot over the last couple years understanding his assclown predictable behaviors and he just did this to me this last weekend……..so now he is done! I took him back twice after breaking up with him before. He promised to go to counseling, etc. but all it was was a weak attempt to show some effort to gain control on me all over again. He is not worth the toilet paper I use. These assclowns try to make us feel as though the problem is us when there is nothing wrong with us. I’m beautiful, sexy, great shape, intelligent, etc. etc. and this assclown likes putting me down because he is 70 lbs. overweight and a complete assclown. Well no more, assclown., You are done.

]]> By: respect http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226639 respect Mon, 11 May 2009 18:56:31 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226639 im so disgusted in myself... after my assclown blew me off and stood me up, i told him i was through and that here's the kicker i text him "in fact if i had a d!ck i would tell you too suck it" how nasty and lady like was that.. i apologised for that statement the next day. I did tell him that was the wrong thing to say but i was done running after him. so embarrassed now, dont know where that comment came from...think ive been living in the states too long. lol please tell me that was not the worst thing a feminine woman could say to a guy?!! im so disgusted in myself… after my assclown blew me off and stood me up, i told him i was through and that here’s the kicker i text him “in fact if i had a d!ck i would tell you too suck it” how nasty and lady like was that.. i apologised for that statement the next day. I did tell him that was the wrong thing to say but i was done running after him. so embarrassed now, dont know where that comment came from…think ive been living in the states too long. lol please tell me that was not the worst thing a feminine woman could say to a guy?!!

]]> By: Tulipa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226575 Tulipa Mon, 11 May 2009 09:02:23 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226575 Finallyseethelight, that makes so much sense what you typed. It is hard work to feel complete in yourself and to kepp remembering they were assclowns etc etc. I thought about my recent events written above and realized I wasn't thinking of him as an assclown I was thinking about him with an over inflated ego on my part. I mean he is an assclown and would have loved the ego stroke from me if I had responded to it. At least I found reality again this man would not write a letter to a newspaper in order to get my attention. One day I will not give this ass clown the time of day... Finallyseethelight, that makes so much sense what you typed.
It is hard work to feel complete in yourself and to kepp remembering they were assclowns etc etc.
I thought about my recent events written above and realized I wasn’t thinking of him as an assclown I was thinking about him with an over inflated ego on my part. I mean he is an assclown and would have loved the ego stroke from me if I had responded to it. At least I found reality again this man would not write a letter to a newspaper in order to get my attention.
One day I will not give this ass clown the time of day…

]]> By: Queen http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226543 Queen Mon, 11 May 2009 03:18:06 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226543 I love this site and think this is another great post. I know that the 2 relationships I've had were doomed to failure from the start. Not because of anything I read but because of the belief that if you start off wrong you're going to end wrong. I was not in love with either man and was only involved with them because of other problems in my life at the time that I was running away from. It didn't take very long for me to end these relationships as I was not invested emotionally in either nor was I in love. Recently, I met a several men that seemed ok. Nothing happen though and I was disappointed in myself for dating 2 longer than a week. I was listening to my friends, all of whom felt that I did not give anyone a chance. A few weeks ago I met a very attractive guy and had a brief conversation with. When one of my friends asked me if I was going to contact him again, I said no. My friends was very upset with me and wanted to know why and I told her the guy was a walking red flag. Everytime I listed to my friends I ended wasting time on some Jerk, I told her. I'm sticking with my gut. I think we all know when someone is not right for us and for whatever reason--and its not always us--move right into a bad relationship. I know a lot of women that define themselves by the men they are with. But what if the guy is a Jerk? There are probably a thousand reasons why women do the things they do that cause them to be in bad relationships. At the end of the day, I guess its a matter of what each person can tolerate. Right now, I'm about the only person I can tolerate. I love this site and think this is another great post. I know that the 2 relationships I’ve had were doomed to failure from the start. Not because of anything I read but because of the belief that if you start off wrong you’re going to end wrong. I was not in love with either man and was only involved with them because of other problems in my life at the time that I was running away from. It didn’t take very long for me to end these relationships as I was not invested emotionally in either nor was I in love.

Recently, I met a several men that seemed ok. Nothing happen though and I was disappointed in myself for dating 2 longer than a week. I was listening to my friends, all of whom felt that I did not give anyone a chance. A few weeks ago I met a very attractive guy and had a brief conversation with. When one of my friends asked me if I was going to contact him again, I said no. My friends was very upset with me and wanted to know why and I told her the guy was a walking red flag. Everytime I listed to my friends I ended wasting time on some Jerk, I told her. I’m sticking with my gut.

I think we all know when someone is not right for us and for whatever reason–and its not always us–move right into a bad relationship. I know a lot of women that define themselves by the men they are with. But what if the guy is a Jerk? There are probably a thousand reasons why women do the things they do that cause them to be in bad relationships. At the end of the day, I guess its a matter of what each person can tolerate. Right now, I’m about the only person I can tolerate.

]]> By: Queen http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226544 Queen Mon, 11 May 2009 03:18:06 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226544 I love this site and think this is another great post. I know that the 2 relationships I've had were doomed to failure from the start. Not because of anything I read but because of the belief that if you start off wrong you're going to end wrong. I was not in love with either man and was only involved with them because of other problems in my life at the time that I was running away from. It didn't take very long for me to end these relationships as I was not invested emotionally in either nor was I in love. Recently, I met a several men that seemed ok. Nothing happen though and I was disappointed in myself for dating 2 longer than a week. I was listening to my friends, all of whom felt that I did not give anyone a chance. A few weeks ago I met a very attractive guy and had a brief conversation with. When one of my friends asked me if I was going to contact him again, I said no. My friends was very upset with me and wanted to know why and I told her the guy was a walking red flag. Everytime I listed to my friends I ended wasting time on some Jerk, I told her. I'm sticking with my gut. I think we all know when someone is not right for us and for whatever reason--and its not always us--move right into a bad relationship. I know a lot of women that define themselves by the men they are with. But what if the guy is a Jerk? There are probably a thousand reasons why women do the things they do that cause them to be in bad relationships. At the end of the day, I guess its a matter of what each person can tolerate. Right now, I'm about the only person I can tolerate. I love this site and think this is another great post. I know that the 2 relationships I’ve had were doomed to failure from the start. Not because of anything I read but because of the belief that if you start off wrong you’re going to end wrong. I was not in love with either man and was only involved with them because of other problems in my life at the time that I was running away from. It didn’t take very long for me to end these relationships as I was not invested emotionally in either nor was I in love.

Recently, I met a several men that seemed ok. Nothing happen though and I was disappointed in myself for dating 2 longer than a week. I was listening to my friends, all of whom felt that I did not give anyone a chance. A few weeks ago I met a very attractive guy and had a brief conversation with. When one of my friends asked me if I was going to contact him again, I said no. My friends was very upset with me and wanted to know why and I told her the guy was a walking red flag. Everytime I listed to my friends I ended wasting time on some Jerk, I told her. I’m sticking with my gut.

I think we all know when someone is not right for us and for whatever reason–and its not always us–move right into a bad relationship. I know a lot of women that define themselves by the men they are with. But what if the guy is a Jerk? There are probably a thousand reasons why women do the things they do that cause them to be in bad relationships. At the end of the day, I guess its a matter of what each person can tolerate. Right now, I’m about the only person I can tolerate.

]]> By: De http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226453 De Sun, 10 May 2009 05:46:35 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226453 I will add... as long as I was giving it for free he was there to take it. My fault. I've just stopped and he threw one last bomb, thing is it didn't hurt with the intensity it used to so maybe the hold is loosened enough for me to really get free. I'm so done with this, I need to come up for air. I will add… as long as I was giving it for free he was there to take it. My fault. I’ve just stopped and he threw one last bomb, thing is it didn’t hurt with the intensity it used to so maybe the hold is loosened enough for me to really get free. I’m so done with this, I need to come up for air.

]]> By: De http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226452 De Sun, 10 May 2009 05:44:01 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226452 Thank you finallyseenthe light, I don't need to write it, just need to read your message over and over cause it is mine. Thanks :) Thank you finallyseenthe light, I don’t need to write it, just need to read your message over and over cause it is mine. Thanks :)

]]> By: finallyseenthelight http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226394 finallyseenthelight Sat, 09 May 2009 16:16:37 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226394 I relate to the self worth part. I just kept deluding myself that he cared about me and that he would come around and when he loved me, then I would feel complete. I know I have to feel complete on my own...that's work and it takes time and lots of effort and I'm working on it every minute of every day. What keeps me stuck sometimes is realizing that he was not who I thought he was, I was not letting myself see what a playa he was, a low-life AC that didn't care about me...this is what I fell in love with. He never was going to commit..he's a lying, narcissistic, jerk. I guess I'm still in the anger stage! I relate to the self worth part. I just kept deluding myself that he cared about me and that he would come around and when he loved me, then I would feel complete. I know I have to feel complete on my own…that’s work and it takes time and lots of effort and I’m working on it every minute of every day. What keeps me stuck sometimes is realizing that he was not who I thought he was, I was not letting myself see what a playa he was, a low-life AC that didn’t care about me…this is what I fell in love with. He never was going to commit..he’s a lying, narcissistic, jerk. I guess I’m still in the anger stage!

]]> By: brokenheartedbabble http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226223 brokenheartedbabble Fri, 08 May 2009 02:51:14 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226223 lisa, the self-worth part does seem the hardest to overcome. It's easy to convince myself that it was his fault that I felt worthless - and, indeed, his neglect of our relationship, unwillingness to open up to me, and absorbtion with himself reiterated every day that I wasn't worth the effort - but in reality I needed to come to the realization that I was beating myself up over something I couldn't change. I often asked myself what I had done, what kind of shameful person I was, that he could not want me. My morning pep talks in front of the mirror were sometimes the only way I would leave my room, but they went something like "Face it. No one is ever going to want you. You are middle-aged, chubby, wrinkled, poor, and unlovable. Get over it!!!" Believe it or not, I could then gird my loins for another day. How pathetic! nysharon, Yes m'am! Falling asleep peacefully each night has been a blessing! Leaving my MU was the second-best thing I've ever done. The best thing came later, when I stopped the self-abusive pity-party. The fresh air just cleared my head. Learning to think positive things has made me a changed woman. My new credos: I will listen to my heart. I will say what I feel. I will act on my impulses. I will laugh and be grateful for happy moments. I will indulge my fantasies. I have power. I am smart. I am desirable. I appreciate myself. Celebrate!!! tenderfoot, you can do this! lisa, the self-worth part does seem the hardest to overcome. It’s easy to convince myself that it was his fault that I felt worthless – and, indeed, his neglect of our relationship, unwillingness to open up to me, and absorbtion with himself reiterated every day that I wasn’t worth the effort – but in reality I needed to come to the realization that I was beating myself up over something I couldn’t change. I often asked myself what I had done, what kind of shameful person I was, that he could not want me. My morning pep talks in front of the mirror were sometimes the only way I would leave my room, but they went something like “Face it. No one is ever going to want you. You are middle-aged, chubby, wrinkled, poor, and unlovable. Get over it!!!” Believe it or not, I could then gird my loins for another day. How pathetic!
nysharon, Yes m’am! Falling asleep peacefully each night has been a blessing! Leaving my MU was the second-best thing I’ve ever done. The best thing came later, when I stopped the self-abusive pity-party. The fresh air just cleared my head. Learning to think positive things has made me a changed woman. My new credos: I will listen to my heart. I will say what I feel. I will act on my impulses. I will laugh and be grateful for happy moments. I will indulge my fantasies. I have power. I am smart. I am desirable. I appreciate myself. Celebrate!!!
tenderfoot, you can do this!

]]> By: Tulipa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226213 Tulipa Fri, 08 May 2009 01:51:39 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226213 "Maybe he'll suddenly realise I'm not that special" "Maybe he'll go off me" These are definately the two things that dominated my thinking in any relationship I had and in the end they always happened because I chose guys that thought that about me and even told me in the beginnig that is their thinking.. I chose not to listen and went through all the drama of trying to make it different.. I have since learnt that there is not a thing you can do to make anyone think differently of you. I still struggle with this internal message I tell myself because when things go wrong I want to be in touch with ex eum so he can confirm the things I am telling myself. Yesterday I was reading the letters people write into the newspaper when I came across a letter written by him I did not expect such a strong reaction from me I immediately wrote a reply to send him via text fortuantely I sent it to drafts .. But I was surprised how strongly I reacted I thought I worked him out of my system for the most part as I have stuck to no contact for over three months now and I do have plenty of days where I don't give him a thought. So obviously there is a lot of work to be done on my internal message. I also relate to Karen's post.. don't want to be bitter either or alone for the rest of my life .. frustrating plus !! “Maybe he’ll suddenly realise I’m not that special”
“Maybe he’ll go off me”
These are definately the two things that dominated my thinking in any relationship I had and in the end they always happened because I chose guys that thought that about me and even told me in the beginnig that is their thinking.. I chose not to listen and went through all the drama of trying to make it different.. I have since learnt that there is not a thing you can do to make anyone think differently of you.
I still struggle with this internal message I tell myself because when things go wrong I want to be in touch with ex eum so he can confirm the things I am telling myself.
Yesterday I was reading the letters people write into the newspaper when I came across a letter written by him I did not expect such a strong reaction from me I immediately wrote a reply to send him via text fortuantely I sent it to drafts .. But I was surprised how strongly I reacted I thought I worked him out of my system for the most part as I have stuck to no contact for over three months now and I do have plenty of days where I don’t give him a thought. So obviously there is a lot of work to be done on my internal message.
I also relate to Karen’s post.. don’t want to be bitter either or alone for the rest of my life .. frustrating plus !!

]]> By: lulaby http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226070 lulaby Thu, 07 May 2009 00:37:56 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226070 Hi, wow I can relate almost to every single post, specially Karen's post. You need to give me your email address!! I was going through the same exact thing!. Hi, wow I can relate almost to every single post, specially Karen’s post. You need to give me your email address!! I was going through the same exact thing!.

]]> By: lisa http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/comment-page-1/#comment-226067 lisa Wed, 06 May 2009 23:50:20 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/waiting-to-exhale/#comment-226067 nysharon, your story parallels mine, sounds almost exact, (married 13 years, divorced for 9 with the only guy I thought I'd fallen in love with since the divorce being a married guy that swore he was already in the process of leaving his wife, but didn't ever get around to it, so I finally had to block him and "threaten" him with a possible order of protection)....but, unlike you, I haven't found a nice guy, yet. But I'm not really looking. Sounds like you're doing well! Your post is encouraging to me. This site has been extremely valuable to me as well. I read something a couple times a day just to stay on track with moving forward and healing from the permanent No Contact. Blessings. nysharon, your story parallels mine, sounds almost exact, (married 13 years, divorced for 9 with the only guy I thought I’d fallen in love with since the divorce being a married guy that swore he was already in the process of leaving his wife, but didn’t ever get around to it, so I finally had to block him and “threaten” him with a possible order of protection)….but, unlike you, I haven’t found a nice guy, yet. But I’m not really looking.

Sounds like you’re doing well! Your post is encouraging to me. This site has been extremely valuable to me as well. I read something a couple times a day just to stay on track with moving forward and healing from the permanent No Contact.

Blessings.

]]>