Comments on: Guest Post: Wanting Mr Unavailable’s = Being Miss Unavailable

By: Randomly Sane

Randomly Sane — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 09:02:49 +0000

Wow…the first two really resonated with me…

â€¢ If Iâ€™m not perfect I am not lovable.
â€¢ The desire to be in a relationship is a sign of weakness

For my part, I think that childhood was instrumental in really screwing me up. The first from my dad, and the second from my seemingly strong mom. At least you are aware of your issues and can begin the process of making your own decisions, and not letting your past shape your future….

By: Nadz

Nadz — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 09:16:53 +0000

I agree on most of the points,but on my part its the fear of everything that leads to my comittment phobia.Iv read this and maybe i need to realise what they are in order to get over it.

By: Caroline

Caroline — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 12:57:19 +0000

I will read with intrigue the parts about its easier to be single than take a chance on love and get hurt. If you skip over to ‘know when your relationships doomed’ you’ll see why…I seem to function far better as a human being outside of a relationship than within one, and can also associate with that feeling of feeling its like its the ‘end’ as opposed to the beginning..I’ve always imagined this to mean I haven’t yet found ‘the one’. Some have been clearly unsuitable, check out the last loser, they’re the ones I’ve loved the most unfortunately, the others have been ‘ok’..Who knows, maybe I missed the ones along the way, at 35 I do wonder how/why I’ve got it so wrong, but am doing a lot of work on myself right now to try and bring about positive changes for next time…Hey, did I say that!!! So I’ll read with interest how your self-analysis goes

By: Stuck

Stuck — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 19:38:32 +0000

Recently, I’ve come back to that point in my emotional cycle that has me analyzing my “relationship skills.” (Read – How my relationships all seem to crash and burn.) I’ve come to a very similar conclusion – that I have made myself emotionally unavailable.

Rather than pine about it this time around, though, I think I’m going to embrace it and see how that works out for me.

By: BHW

BHW — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 00:38:35 +0000

I can so relate to this, especially the “Itâ€™s easier to be single than take a chance on love and get hurt”. I had two bad marriages and met a bunch of assholes after my second divorce. Then there was Mr. Great White North, who may have put me off men forever. But I’ve discovered being single isn’t that bad and can sometimes be quite fun.

Back to your column..

You make an excellent point about looking within to find out why Mr. Unavailables are so darn attractive. As easy as it is to blame THEM, the problem truly does begin with us. In my case, I had an addicted mother, and a co-dependent father who catered to her every whim and always defended her outrageous behavior. As an adult, I’ve had a tendency to choose weak men with co-dependent issues (or conversely, extremely selfish personalities, which amounts to the same thing in the end) who are often involved with other women or are workaholics. Deep down, I am afraid of being hurt, so I hook up with men who have no permanence.

More than you needed to know..but hey, good column!

By: Vixen

Vixen — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 11:47:54 +0000

It is sometimes easier to be Single. But on the other hand, being in a relationship, especially if it’s a good relationship can be just as easy. It’s just finding that good relationship, that’s the hard part. So you are dipping your toes back into the dating pool? Good luck!