Wedding Hells
March 27, 2006 by Virginia Belle
My roommate got a big, white envelope in the mail the other day. Her name and address were calligraphied in large letters on the front and there was a corny floral stamp in the corner. Oh yes, it’s that time again–Wedding Season. Don’t single women just love this? As if it isn’t hard enough to be single year-round, we have to survive the holidays, then Valentine’s Day and then there are only a couple of months before the Annual Nuptial Pandemonium begins.
According to one website I read, half of all weddings take place between April and September with an average of 178 people invited to each wedding. Many of these invitations end up in mailboxes belonging to single people. When they attend, they are acutely reminded of their lack of a love life. Attending a wedding solo is akin to attending a game show and being the losing contestant: you get to see what might have been. You witness someone else’s joy and go home empty-handed. (Well, except for that matchbook, engraved with the couple’s name and wedding date.) As a single person, what is the best way to deal with an event that celebrates the end of Singledom?
As tempting as it is to RSVP by mailing them the business card of a divorce attorney, please refrain from doing so. The first thing you need to do is feel honoured. Brides and grooms typically spend about $20,000 (£35K) on their weddings. Around $7,000 (£12K) of that is spent just on the reception and the invitations, i.e. the guests. They could have saved money by not inviting you. The couple wants you to witness something very important to them. Or at least come to their biggest party yet! And if you have been asked to be in the bridal party, you should feel even more humbled. Those photos will be looked at by many generations. You are viewed as a close friend of the bride or groom. Feel grateful.
Try and keep in mind that the couple is extremely happy and try to feel happy for them, despite the fact that you really just want to flip off the camera man when he tries to take your photo. Let their happiness infect you, just this once. It really is a wonderful thing to find someone you want to marry. As cynical as you may be, try to remember that it could be just a matter of time before you are in her shoes—maybe literally, since they are cute satin pumps. You could be next in line for the aisle! In fact, you could meet Mr. Future Husband at this wedding. So look cute. (Just don’t upstage the bride.)
If it helps, and if the invitation states that you may, bring a guest. I do not recommend bringing a man you have recently started dating. He might think you are trying to tell him something. Bring a good single girlfriend who will whine with you on the way home—misery loves company. Or bring an established boyfriend so at least you can dance with someone.
If you get stuck attending alone, just put your best foot forward and a smile on your face. You will look super-independent and self-assured by attending alone. Buy a gorgeously cute new dress and wear it with killer shoes so you will look smashing. The good thing is that you can leave the reception whenever you want! At the very least, you get to get dressed up, go somewhere and eat a free dinner, right?
When you get to the reception, take advantage! Why not? It is, in essence, a giant party. Eat and drink all you want! Cross your fingers that there is an open bar. Grab a second piece of cake. Take extra favours—especially if it’s those yummy Jordan almonds. Sniff all the flowers. Dance your booty off. Ogle the groomsmen. Use this as an opportunity to network for a new job (don’t forget your business cards). Meet other single girls who can empathise with you—you might make an instant new girlfriend! Flirt with any willing parties. Make out in the coatroom with the groom’s cute, single, older brother.
If you get bored, dance with the bride’s grandpa, check out the gift table, tally up the fashion faux pas or make mental notes about all the etiquette mistakes people made. (There’s at least one at every wedding!) You can also use this wedding to help you imagine your own ideal wedding. Think of it as a learning experience—you can see what went wrong, what is not your style or what you’d love to do one day. For some real fun, try to take some snapshots of the intoxicated people so you can laugh at them later.
Lots of people are going to want to know who you are and why you are still single. They will ask lots of nosy questions. If you can, try to avoid these people. (They are usually older relatives of the bride and groom.) But don’t shy away from meeting people—you don’t want to be known as Snobby Girl. You never know who may have a hot nephew or grandson. Keep an open mind. If you want, go ahead and tell them your “very attractive” and “highly ambitious” boyfriend who is “madly in love” with you couldn’t make it. That should shut them up for a while.
If you start to get upset or cry about being single in a sea of marriage festivities, just excuse yourself to the ladies’ room and dab your eyes with the Kleenex you brought in your purse. Don’t ruin your makeup! When you have calmed down a little, start drinking heavily. Ok, not like that. But a couple of beers do wonders to calm the nerves. Or do like I do and step outside for a cigarette. Calm down, realise today is not your day, it’s not about you today, it’s about her and her new hubby. But maybe another day will be your day. Just because you are not getting married today doesn’t mean you aren’t ever going to get married. Being the bitter, cynical or weepy girl is a major party foul. Cry when you get home.
See if you can put yourself to good use if you need to get the depressing thoughts off your mind. There’s always something last-minute that needs to be done. I was in charge of keeping the cards matched with the gifts at one wedding. At another, I was the makeup artist for the bridal party. The bride really appreciated it and I got the great feeling of relieving a little bit of her stress that day. Since the bride might be really busy, ask her mother if there is anything you can help out with. You’ll leave feeling great, I promise!
Weddings are not the easiest things to attend if you are single. It can be a harsh reminder that you are nowhere close to walking down the aisle yourself. But if the bride and groom have made the effort to invite you, they want you to have a good time. So feel grateful, look nice, show up and make the best of it. You might be glad you did.
Visit Virginia’s Blog
Related Posts
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Comments
Feel free to leave a comment...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!