When Choice is a Killer
I’ve had some lovely quality time to myself for almost a week which has meant that I have got to watch more daytime crap than I have in a long time. Jeremy Kyle, Ricky Lake, This Morning, Oprah, Montell and Judge Judy have all had a bit of my time over the past few days and there is something rather riveting about chavs (UK word for trailer trash in Burberry) making a holy show out of themselves on TV. I was particularly drawn to a Montell episode about women who had been involved with killers and I did a double take when the topic appeared on screen.
Killers? What the hell is someone doing being involved with a killer? And I’m not talking about women meeting a guy in prison through being a pen pal and deciding to be a prison bird. I’m talking about women meeting guys that are killers, and being with them either knowingly or unknowingly, but allowing the relationship once having the knowledge to continue and grow. Jeez, haven’t we got enough to contend with Mr Unavailable’s, Bad Boys, wife beaters etc? I actually laughed several times over the next hour as it became very clear that sometimes my own species is certainly not too clever, nor too bright.
One woman in particular met her boyfriend when he was in the process of being prosecuted for killing a woman. He told her about it from the outset (yes he didn’t hide it), made up some BS story about why he shouldn’t be convicted, but didn’t actually deny doing it, and despite this knowledge she stayed with him. Huh? It was only when he put her OWN life in danger when she suddenly thought, hmmm, this may not be a good idea after all….
What is it that a man needs to say to us for us to decide that he is not worthy of our time? If a man telling us that he is a killer isn’t good enough, then what the hell is?
I have to admit that this particular woman was just plain stupid and I still don’t even think she realises how reckless and odd her behaviour was, but I did feel sorry for the other women as they had no idea that their guys were criminals and were a victim of their crimes too. To be fair, I don’t think many of us are involved with killers or potential ones (at least I hope not), and these women on the show were exceptions not the norm, but it does beg the point, where do we draw the line? As women, in the name of love, is there even a line to be drawn? Of course there bloody should be!
And our failure to draw a line shows something even more worrying about society today: Are we so desperate to be part of a couple on Noah’s Relationship Ark that we will accept anything that is thrown in our direction rather than be on our own? Are we so hell bent on believing in potential, believing that we can fix things, that we can’t see the wood for the trees?
Because you see, this whole ‘I can fix him’ syndrome that a lot of women have going on could actually be the death of us. Literally. I get really worried when I see how willing people can be to adjust their yardsticks of acceptance to accommodate the strangest of things and I think that we forget that we should have some fatal flaws that we aren’t prepared to put up with no matter what we think we may feel for somebody. The failure to draw a line in acceptable behaviour can be as simple as not knowing when to stop flogging a dead horse when you’re dating a man that is clearly unavailable, to sticking with a guy despite the fact that he has screwed behind your back repeatedly and shows no signs of stopping any time soon.
I felt really sad for these women because those choices that they made will stick with them for the rest of their days, but they’re also lucky that they didn’t get killed off themselves. Obviously I credit most women with a hell of a lot more intelligence, so stay smart ladies and when it looks dodgy, acts dodgy, smells dodgy, and maybe even tells you they’re dodgy, tell them to bog off and run like your life depends on it. It just might!
