When He’s Not in the Mood for Sex
There seems to be a lot of focus on women not being in the mood for sex these days. Everything from television sitcoms, magazine articles, talk shows, and books deal with low sex drive in women. But what if the problem is the man? Women are taught at an early age that men are sex machines; driven by animalistic instincts to have sex whenever and wherever possible. After all, a man would never turn down sex right?
Wrong. Men are just as at risk for low libido as women. However, it’s a “problem” that seems to be overlooked. Statistics say that 20 to 25 percent of men suffer from a low sex drive. If these numbers are correct, there are a lot more women suffering than we realise. When our partners aren’t in the mood over a period of time, this can have a devastating effect on a relationship as well as for the person being constantly rejected. Before you panic, take heed as there are many reasons for low libido in men.
1. Stress and anxiety. These are sex zappers. People react to stress in different ways and it is not uncommon for a stressed person to not feel in the mood. Job, family, money, and health can all make sex take a back seat. Often when the source of stress or anxiety is eliminated, sex will return.
2. Medication. There are numerous medications that cause low libido as a side effect and some of them include antidepressants, anti-anxiety, Propecia (for hair loss) and some heart medications. Ask a doctor if similar medications with less sexual side effects are available. For instance, Wellbutrin has the least sexual side effects of all the antidepressants.
3. Boredom in the bedroom. As couples lose the “warm fuzzies” of a new relationship, sex can often become boring. If this is the case, it’s time to introduce something new. I don’t mean that you necessarily have to swing from the chandelier (could be fun though!) but bringing in a new sex toy, some dirty talk, or video, might be just what you both need to get the juices flowing. No pun intended.
4. Body Issues. Women forget that men can have body issues just as we women do. If he is focusing on his beer belly more than you, you can pretty much guarantee no sex. Bad body image usually goes hand in hand about how one feels about sex. Often getting a simple exercise regime will help this. If the issues go deeper, its time to seek therapy.
5. Infidelity. Sorry ladies but this has to be mentioned. If he is getting it somewhere else then he may not be interested in getting it at home. Certainly this should not be the first thing that you think of when sex drive has gone down however, if there are other signs that he may be cheating, you may want to investigate further.
It is also important to note that low libido is not the same as sexual dysfunction. A low libido means one has low interest in sex while sexual dysfunction is the lack of response to sex; for instance, inability to have an erection. While these are two different issues, sexual dysfunction can be another reason for low libido in men.
Certainly the above list is not conclusive but they are some of the reasons your man may not be ready to roll in the hay. It is important to remember that like all things in a relationship, sex can wax and wane. If the relationship is for the most part healthy, meaning there are no underlying emotional issues one has with their partner, a short break in sex isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it can make the next time, that much more exciting.
This post was contributed by Rose City Girl. She’s a fine food and wine loving mixed media artist that travels a lot and stays away from men that mistreat her!
Alison November 30th, 2007, 8:44 pm
Soooooo true. I was stuck in a relationship with a guy with a low libido, and I had no idea what was wrong, but the constant rejection was so hurtful, my self esteem didn’t recover for years. At first I didn’t react terribly well to the frustration, though I never blamed or accused him, and then I got to expecting it which helped me not react too much.
One single time in the relationship, I said no. He kicked up a major fuss, and I did have to point out that he had had no sympathy for MY hurt feelings…