You happen to be ‘seeing’ this guy who you think you might have potential together. All of a sudden, he stops calling you. Of course, after a couple of days, I’m sure that you take the initiative and call him back but you get sent to Voicemail. You try at different times of the day, trying to get in contact with him and leave a couple of messages to no avail. He’s not returning your calls.
Now, first of all if I catch you sitting by the phone waiting for his phone call I will so get ballistic on you. Remember, you are a busy girl in high demand with lots of friends, hobbies, social engagements and personal time to keep you busy while your phone isn’t ringing. If after you left a message or 2 he hasn’t called you, emailed you, or text you back, chances are you’ve been ummm, deleted.

You might want to rationalise that maybe he’s busy (we all are), out of town (not bloody likely), dealing with a family crisis (another excuse), is languishing in the hospital post an accident (you wish), got abducted by aliens or some other reason, but you have to look at the cold hard facts and see his refusal to make contact as what it really is. He’s done, it’s over, kaput. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.

I know it sucks, rejection sucks all round, but it’s better that you found out earlier on what a lily livered, yellow bellied coward he is than later on in the game. Here are some REAL reasons why he probably isn’t returning your calls.

1. His Ex is back in the picture. He might still have feelings for her, he slept with her and is having some guilt based on that or they still have unfinished business. Either way, you don’t want to be the rebound girl, so it’s best that he is on his way.

2. He got a better offer. Yeah, sorry to say it like this, but some other chick got his attention faster than you did. This is probably because she put her booty on the table (and we all know which head controls the average male). There’s nothing to do about this one; he would rather go for instant gratification than linger to develop a deep and genuine connection with you. Chalk it up as his loss and move on.

3. He has caught feelings for you. And he’s too scared to make any kind of commitment. So he’s backing off before he gets in too deep with you.

4. You have expressed your feelings to him. Or he has sensed your growing feelings. Once again, commitment phobia strikes and he bails.

5. You aren’t following the timeline. A lot of guys figure that if they are nice, pay up and act right, they should be able to score some booty by the 2nd-4th date. If you are way past that and still not giving it up, he’s probably resetting his priorities and hustling to find #2. This works out better for you anyway…you don’t have to waste time on a guy that only wants you for your smokin’ hot bod.
6. There is a Life Crisis. You fall sick, your sibling dies, his parents get a divorce. The loss of permanency doesn’t always cause lovers to cling together. Sometimes it causes them to drift apart.
7. There’s a Lover’s Holiday looming. Yeah, the great and almighty Valentine’s day, Christmas, your birthday is coming up and he’s broke, cheap or doesn’t want to go through the hassle of finding/doing something nice for you.
8. He’s a guy. Sometimes we don’t understand why they do what they do. We just have to deal with it. Now, if after a few weeks homeboy suddenly appears from the woodwork with one paltry excuse or another, listen to what your gut is telling you before you even decide to give him a chance. For me, not returning my calls to at least tell me what’s wrong is a deal breaker in my book. Chances are if he’s bailed out on you before, he will do it again. Hopefully by the time he comes back, you would have already found someone more worthy of your love and affection and won’t even give him a second glance.

Visit Vixen’s blog Bad Girls Guide

Guest – who has written posts on Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue.


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My Book - Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl

Stop believing that you did something to make them unavailable or that their inadequacies are down to your inadequacies - it is not about you; they are unavailable!