Comments on: When You’re Not His ‘Type’, But He’s With YOU http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Wed, 17 Mar 2010 06:56:36 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: maddy http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-55966 maddy Tue, 07 Aug 2007 06:09:18 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/#comment-55966 I have to say, that not being my boyfriend's type use to really REALLY bug me because i hated not being able to become something the person i love wanted even if they don't or may not want it anymore..my biggest issue is insecurity(unfortunately) My boyfriend's type was the chinese or "mixed" race kind of girl, probably chinese with something else, it was always the creamy, big eyes, dark haired kind of girls which caught my boyfriend's eye in the past . Even now and then, he still expresses superficial attractions to those kind of girls, girls my silly parents always use to compare and make me feel inferior to( i was the exact oppostie-tall,deep golden tan,). So by the time i came round to my boyfriend, it was a HUGE insecurity and it bugged big time. I've always known that i was an attractive girl, who always had a few admirers wherever i went however, for once in my life- i wasn't naturally attractive to a man. Nevertheless though, thats what i thought and one day when i expressed my deepest insecurity he told me this " OK, honestly, i DID use to go for THOSE KIND OF GIRLS and when i got together with you. All my friend were like, what the hell..you use to always go for those kind of girls and now your dating her??-thats a total contradiction but what could i do darling?! i found you and fell crazy in love with you..imagine if you always go to Prada and religiously buy clothes from them most of your life but then one day..you see a gorgeous versace..you'll keep the versace even more special than those prada's ,wouldn't you?- it was so beautiful and perfect , that it made you look the other way and open your world to extremely wonderful things." So anyway, if your not his type..but you guys are so happy together and he ends up marrying you and loving you with all his heart- then take it as a HUGE compliment..you wonderful enough to change his world. Plus, ironically enough..i use to grumble about men always loving me for my looks and in some twisted way- i got a guy who wasn't attracted to my looks but for who i was...the way we connected was so passionate and understanding, it made our relationship irresistible. At times, there are still little alarms in my brain but i know that he will never leave me and that there's this hungry longing with intense love, the minute he wakes up beside me in the morning. I have to say, that not being my boyfriend’s type use to really REALLY bug me because i hated not being able to become something the person i love wanted even if they don’t or may not want it anymore..my biggest issue is insecurity(unfortunately)
My boyfriend’s type was the chinese or “mixed” race kind of girl, probably chinese with something else, it was always the creamy, big eyes, dark haired kind of girls which caught my boyfriend’s eye in the past . Even now and then, he still expresses superficial attractions to those kind of girls, girls my silly parents always use to compare and make me feel inferior to( i was the exact oppostie-tall,deep golden tan,). So by the time i came round to my boyfriend, it was a HUGE insecurity and it bugged big time.
I’ve always known that i was an attractive girl, who always had a few admirers wherever i went however, for once in my life- i wasn’t naturally attractive to a man. Nevertheless though, thats what i thought and one day when i expressed my deepest insecurity he told me this ” OK, honestly, i DID use to go for THOSE KIND OF GIRLS and when i got together with you. All my friend were like, what the hell..you use to always go for those kind of girls and now your dating her??-thats a total contradiction but what could i do darling?! i found you and fell crazy in love with you..imagine if you always go to Prada and religiously buy clothes from them most of your life but then one day..you see a gorgeous versace..you’ll keep the versace even more special than those prada’s ,wouldn’t you?- it was so beautiful and perfect , that it made you look the other way and open your world to extremely wonderful things.” So anyway, if your not his type..but you guys are so happy together and he ends up marrying you and loving you with all his heart- then take it as a HUGE compliment..you wonderful enough to change his world.
Plus, ironically enough..i use to grumble about men always loving me for my looks and in some twisted way- i got a guy who wasn’t attracted to my looks but for who i was…the way we connected was so passionate and understanding, it made our relationship irresistible. At times, there are still little alarms in my brain but i know that he will never leave me and that there’s this hungry longing with intense love, the minute he wakes up beside me in the morning.

]]> By: Baggage Reclaim Round Up » The guide to single living, dating, relationships and of course, man taming. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-35106 Baggage Reclaim Round Up » The guide to single living, dating, relationships and of course, man taming. Sun, 29 Apr 2007 19:26:15 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/#comment-35106 [...] When You’re Not His ‘Type’, But He’s With YOU [...] [...] When You’re Not His ‘Type’, But He’s With YOU [...]

]]> By: Brad K. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-34866 Brad K. Sun, 29 Apr 2007 05:57:13 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/#comment-34866 I happen to think that improving how we look at prospective mates is where we need to improve our skills. The habits of perseverance and persistence, with a suitable mate, are very good habits. I can see Contradiction's quandary over a partner that states a 'first cut' criteria for selecting a partner, and that she doesn't fit. I wouldn't think that particular choice matters much. Most of us start looking for a mate with arbitrary guesses about what that person will be like. The number of times the choice doesn't fit the preconceptions fills novels and histories. If you are going to look for a 'type', my recommendation is for honesty, integrity, discipline, and a joyful outlook on life. Job skills probably help. Some adaptability, since cohabiting, mating, living together, shacking up or marriage -- the old life dies to leave room for the new life. For both of you. I happen to think that improving how we look at prospective mates is where we need to improve our skills. The habits of perseverance and persistence, with a suitable mate, are very good habits.

I can see Contradiction’s quandary over a partner that states a ‘first cut’ criteria for selecting a partner, and that she doesn’t fit. I wouldn’t think that particular choice matters much. Most of us start looking for a mate with arbitrary guesses about what that person will be like. The number of times the choice doesn’t fit the preconceptions fills novels and histories.

If you are going to look for a ‘type’, my recommendation is for honesty, integrity, discipline, and a joyful outlook on life. Job skills probably help. Some adaptability, since cohabiting, mating, living together, shacking up or marriage — the old life dies to leave room for the new life. For both of you.

]]> By: contradiction http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/comment-page-1/#comment-34271 contradiction Fri, 27 Apr 2007 15:57:41 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-you%e2%80%99re-not-his-%e2%80%98type%e2%80%99-but-he%e2%80%99s-with-you/#comment-34271 I cant say i ever went looking for a type in terms of he had to look like this or that,but if i want to be honest i can say that the qualities of all my exes..have been similar in terms of who they were as a person,what they viewed to be wrong or right and i didnt have to go out there and preach it to them...it was just understood..and i shared similar beliefs. these qulaities in itself prevented them from being with certain types of women..type referring her to belief system,views etc as for the physical attributes in my exes,they are same and different is the only way i can describe it. I recently found out that my current partner blogged that he had exclusively dated and sought out a certain type of woman,and it was in particular to race.He didnt say i dated women who were deep,smart,stupid,tall,like computers,. He specified a race..thats what he was attracted to.he chose them becaue of that when you discover that he purposefully set out to chose a race..be it they are asian or white or black or mulatto ...it becomes an area of concern when you reaslise that he chose a type,.that you are not. Nml..u have great insight and your comments to me are personally helping me along. .its great insight and i am weighing things...doesnt mean in the end the weigh will favor me staying with my ex..but its powerful insight. of course there is more to this story than meets the eye ..and its true to say as well..that comment together with who my exes ex was,as a person is not a good combo...seems all his exes with few exception early on in his dating life, all looked and behaved the same way.... You see..i didnt type cast..he did ..he started this,when he went to public forums to express his type taste..years later im married to him,and i have to wonder.... I cant say i ever went looking for a type in terms of he had to look like this or that,but if i want to be honest i can say that the qualities of all my exes..have been similar in terms of who they were as a person,what they viewed to be wrong or right and i didnt have to go out there and preach it to them…it was just understood..and i shared similar beliefs.
these qulaities in itself prevented them from being with certain types of women..type referring her to belief system,views etc
as for the physical attributes in my exes,they are same and different is the only way i can describe it.
I recently found out that my current partner blogged that he had exclusively dated and sought out a certain type of woman,and it was in particular to race.He didnt say i dated women who were deep,smart,stupid,tall,like computers,.
He specified a race..thats what he was attracted to.he chose them becaue of that
when you discover that he purposefully set out to chose a race..be it they are asian or white or black or mulatto …it becomes an area of concern when you reaslise that he chose a type,.that you are not.
Nml..u have great insight and your comments to me are personally helping me along. .its great insight and i am weighing things…doesnt mean in the end the weigh will favor me staying with my ex..but its powerful insight.
of course there is more to this story than meets the eye ..and its true to say as well..that comment together with who my exes ex was,as a person is not a good combo…seems all his exes with few exception early on in his dating life, all looked and behaved the same way….
You see..i didnt type cast..he did ..he started this,when he went to public forums to express his type taste..years later im married to him,and i have to wonder….

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