Why Can’t Men.. and other questions
May 30, 2006 by NML
As I approach my two year anniversary as a blogger and wonder what I should do with my column which has been on a hiatus for a few weeks, it made sense to do what I like doing best which is take the piss. In two years of blogging about men, women and relationships, I have been confronted with so many questions…
Why can’t men admit when they’re wrong? Their penises only do erect and flaccid, plus their ego’s can’t take it. Admitting they’re wrong reeks of a multi-tasking opportunity.
Why do women sleep with a guy and THEN wonder if the guy wants to be in a relationship? It’s like closing the stable door AFTER the horse has bolted…We leave our brain on the floor with our knickers and our clothes and then decide to rationalise after the orgasm.
Why don’t men listen? They listen to themselves and other men, but their ears are tuned out of the frequency that picks up female voices. When they do pick up this frequency, it’s interpreted as whining and nagging…
Why do women screw other women over for guys? Because they’ve been brainwashed into thinking that the penis is number one and that having a man in their life is more important than friendship.
Why do some women pretend to be men in the workplace? They think that they got their by growing their own proverbial testicles and pretending to be a man, not by their own merit. They don’t realise that they’re reaffirming the perception that men are #1 and successful women are ones that pretend to be men.
Why do women sleep with other women’s boyfriends/husbands? Because the fact that someone else wanted them enough to make them a boyfriend or a husband makes them approved. Less effort required than searching for an available man with all of the ‘right’ qualities.
Why don’t men mean what they say and say what they mean? Several possible reasons…They’re afraid of confrontation, we’re stupid enough to believe what they say when they’re a)trying to get you into bed, b)in the throes of passion where they barely even know their own name and could potentially sign over everything they own or c)trying to get rid of you after having had sex with you…
Why don’t men give straight answers? Too many thought processes and a fear of saying the wrong thing.
Why do some women fake it? Some women are so used to rubbish sex that they don’t even realise they’re faking it…Some of us don’t like the idea of being confrontational…Some of us just don’t want or may not even know how to explain what we want…Some of us fake it to bring long, drawn out, cystitis inducing sex, John Wayne walking sex to a quicker end…
Why do some women like big penises? They think size covers personality…They have more accommodating vaginas….They take cystitis and being unable to walk properly as a marker of a great sex session.
Why do men lie about how many women they have slept with? Ego dictates that everyone must think that they’re way more sexually experienced than they actually are. It doesn’t matter if the technique tells us anyway….
Why do women lie about how many men they have slept with? Society dictates that women should not be sowing their wild oats. In an ideal world, when guys ask how many men you’ve slept with, they really want you to say ‘1′ even though it’s obviously more. Again, even though we often divide the true number by three, our technique often tells a different story….
Why do men stare at breasts? Because they don’t talk and they imagine burying their faces in them.
Why do women gossip so much? It’s not gossip if it’s the truth…
Why do men gossip but pretend that they don’t? Because far be it for them to admit that they enjoy feminine ’sports’.
Why don’t men stand up for women when there is a disagreement with another woman? Because they’re pussys. They fear the unknown force of women and confrontation and would much rather shout the odds and make noises about what they would do if they had the chance, to a man. They also like to look good all the time.
Why do men like porn? For the majority of guys it’s because it’s not their significant other or the woman they’d like to be in a relationship with or marry so they can fantasise about dodgy sex acts that will probably never see the light of day. Guys claim it’s so that they don’t actually go and cheat but that’s crap. If they want to cheat, they’ll cheat and it probably won’t even be a porn star… For some guys though it’s an addiction and for other guys it’s because they’re perverts. It’s just a matter of knowing which guy you have…
Why do women dislike porn so much? Many will talk about degradation but at the end of the day, when women bitch about their man liking porn it’s because it’s not them and it makes them feel inferior. If you’re one of these women, cut all the heads off the bodies in the magazines and replace it with yours like Charlotte in Sex and the City or leave lots of porn mags full of guys with big dicks lying around…Watch that erection deflate rapidly…
Why don’t men know how to do basic chores once they live with a woman, even if they used to live by themselves? They are programmed since prehistoric times to believe that once a woman is in the house, the chores take care of themselves.
How is it that men can poo and read at the same time, but can’t multi-task in other areas of their lives? I am bewildered by this one and can only assume that they have been tricking us because they’re lazy.
Why do men touch their willies so much? They say it’s adjusting their penises in their boxers. NML says it’s thrush (yeast infection)
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861306 Blog Verification…
861306…
i think i need to show the second one to a few people.
shhh
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Two of your questions have the same answer:
Why don’t men mean what they say and say what they mean?
Why don’t men give straight answers?
The answer is that men DO say what they mean and they give straight answers. The female brain immediately takes that statement and pulls at least fifteen possible meanings from it. Odds are high that she will choose the meaning that is the absolute opposite of what the man meant.
Example:
Man: Wow, you look really nice tonight.
Woman (internal) : How sweet, he thinks I look good. Or maybe he’s being sarcastic and I look awful. And what does me mean ‘tonight,’ anyway? Do I not look nice every other night? Come to think of it, he hasn’t said I looked nice in our past three dates… he doesn’t appreciate me at all.
Woman (vocal) : I think we should see other people…
I like this chick.
She’s crazy..
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