I am in the same place. Every time I think I’ve made progress, I find myself isolating and withdrawing again, hopeless about cultivating true and lasting love.

I find it very upsetting, that childhood abuse so so unfortunately still rule my psyche and embroil me in useless patterns designed to keep me alone.

And of course, I am smart enough to know I shouldn’t ever say this out loud, because it sounds far too blaming.

Yes, at the ripe age of 41, I do feel quite jealous of people with that elusive core security and trust intact.

Last night I raved and ranted at God, alternately cursing and pleading for some shift, a fresh hope for sharing myt heart with a good guy, who is NOT passive aggressive, addicted, or otherwise engaged (read emotionally unavailable, just like me, haha)..

Anyhow, your essay was a comfort to me. I’m sorry to hear you’re in the same holding pattern as me.

Maybe one day we will both be thinking, and living, quite differently – freed from those damaging early constructs.

Right. Time for some icecream.

Peace,
kathleen