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The key thing in a situation like this is that he canceled, he didn’t stand you up, but the canceling of a date can still be rather upsetting, so I will attempt to cover the main reasons and keep it real.
I am basing these reasons on guys who cancel before you’ve even had a date, or guys who cancel after a few dates. I’m assuming that this isn’t a monogamous ‘relationship’, that it’s early days and nothing serious. I should start this by saying, whatever the reason is, we shouldn’t get our knickers in a twist over it. The sun does not rise and set on them.
He has a better offer.
Sad, upsetting, annoying, but very possibly true. It is unfortunately our prerogative to change our minds as making arrangements for a date doesn’t betroth you to each other. Sometimes we do meet other people and it’s just too good to let go of. It’s quite likely that the guy will struggle a bit with this one as he won’t quite know what to do with himself. It’s very likely that he won’t tell you it’s this reason so that he doesn’t hurt your feelings further.
He got back with his ex.
It’s amazing how the prospect of someone new entering the frame brings an ex out of the woodwork. Again this will be a situation that presents quite a conundrum for a guy, but if he blows off the date, it’s obviously because he feels he needs to work things out with her. It’s actually better that you let him get on with it as he may have some residual baggage that you don’t want to deal with. Really, you don’t. Not over ex, not ready to date.
He’s caught up with work.
People can be very caught up with their work and sometimes a meeting, a deadline, a presentation or whatever it is comes into the frame and he just can’t blow it off, so instead you get blown off. If he doesn’t reschedule it’s likely that he lied about this reason, if he does, happy days and get over the disappointment and get him to make it up to you! If he’s a workaholic or avoids intimacy by pretending to be a workaholic, you’ll soon realise it’s best that he stays away as you don’t want to compete.
He gets scared.
Sometimes he actually thinks far too much about the impending date and maybe it’s because he’s happy with being on his own, maybe it’s because he still yearns for his ex, or maybe he’s just a frickin drama queen, but suddenly he gets date shy. Truthfully speaking, you don’t want a guy that gets his balls in a knot over one little date. It’s a date not a flipping bridal rehearsal dinner!
He just wants sex, he thinks you want more.
Now if he has the decency to cancel, this is actually a good thing, because he could have gone on the date, got in your knickers and never called you again, leaving you bitching about that wanker who used you. This guy has a conscience and something, somewhere internally tells him that he shouldn’t do this to you. Thank your lucky stars and move on. Obviously he’ll make up some reason like work or a dead aunty.
His aunty [insert relative of choice] just died.
Now this could be the truth or it could be a lie, but unless you have concrete proof that this hasn’t happened, I suggest you just go along with it and believe it. Trust me, if no-one has died, he’ll trip up on his story veeery quickly. Obviously if it is true, he may be too upset to be even contemplating a date, or he may come back to you when he’s in a better state of mind.
Now any man worth his salt has a hard wired inability to either admit that he’s ill or he’ll be the total opposite and be a drama queen with man flu, read:cold. Now this could be true, or it could be a makey up excuse just so that he can get out of it. If he sounds like someone who’s calling in for a sickie at work, be suspicious. Be careful with making accusations, he really may be sick and you may be a crap detective!
He doesn’t remember who you are.
He may have been really, really drunk and he is struggling to remember who you are, what your name is, or what you look like. Maybe he doesn’t want a surprise, but don’t expend any energy on getting upset over this. If he was this drunk, either you were this drunk too, or you realised he was at the time.
He has a girlfriend/wife.
Now we all realise that he should have known this at the time but conscience is now biting at his dick and he’s playing it safe. If he admits that he has significant other, whilst it’s fun to rant and rave at him, he will chalk you up as a psycho that he was lucky to avoid. Don’t waste your time – he’s an asshole anyway. Whatever you do, do NOT ask him to meet you anyway. You are a hop, skip and a jump away from being The Other Woman and we don’t play that game here! Have some shame!
He’s gay. Well, nuff said.
His mamma told him not to.
You don’t want a mothers boy anyway and if he mentions his mum in the call with some drippy reference to her, you don’t want him anyway.
He’s just not interested.
It is our prerogative to change our minds and for whatever reason, he may change his and decide that he isn’t interested. He may have woken up the day after meeting you and changed his mind, he may have gone on a few dates with you and realised that you don’t click. It’s never great to know that someone isn’t in to us, but it’s not ideal to place all of our emotional investment into them. Don’t lose sleep and move on. Please don’t cry over it, because it’s not worth the energy, it’s likely that you barely knew him and he has forgotten you by the time he has put down the phone. Harsh but true. There is way better out there. This is why dating exists: to try each other out and see if there is a fit. Often there isn’t!
Now obviously every reason that he gives may or may not be true, but if you don’t believe it and you end up meeting up with him, it’s not the best premise for you to start out on anyway. If he straight off the bat says that he will reschedule and does, don’t stress over it and go with the flow. Shit happens after all. If he says he’ll reschedule and never does, forget him and move on. Don’t chase and of course, never beg, never plead!
Natalie Lue is the founder and writer of Baggage Reclaim and author of the books Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship and more. Learn more about her here and you can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter – @baggagereclaim .
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