Comments on: Why do men blow hot and cold? http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/ Self Esteem|Dating|Relationships|Emotional Unavailability|Commitment| Wed, 17 Mar 2010 20:56:38 +0100 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Wendy http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-254063 Wendy Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:42:06 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-254063 Mine was kinda sorta after me for TWO YEARS then finally asked me out. He was still "roomates" (larf) with his ex so I said call me when you have your own place. he got his own place 2 weeks later and began to pursue. At first *I* was just in it for a lay, a movie, some good convo, etc and made that clear and that made him pursue more...presents, calling every night, etc. I broke boundaries (such as letting him be around my kids after a few weeks instead of months). Then suddenly he withdrew the sexual aspect. I suspect now , that this was a control tactic bcuz i was obviously just in it for the good time. He had a host of seemingly fab reasons for this, all of which added up to wanting MORE than just sex with me. LOL. So he was coming on so strong i began to look at him as more, and AS SOON as I emoted to him i might be developing deeper feelings, HE BLEW COLD. I was demoted from date or even "bed buddy" to ...FRIENDS, altho he wouldn't even say that. Just keeping me in limbo i guess. After a week of that, he totally disappeared, no calling , no call-BACKS, no facebook replies. So when he resurfaced a week later and said it felt "like time to have you over for dinner again" I said yeah sure then I left him a phone message saying "whatever this is, it isn't working out for me" etc. Very nice and polite. I also facebook deleted him and left him a facebook msg saying i wasn't mad just a clean break is best. We live on a small island, he has no friends and is socially inept so I know he won't do better than me (for long) Today I found out he was likely not only seeing his EX (which i was fine with, since i didnt' want to be serious) but likely another woman as well, and likely telling us all the same sob story about how the other ones were crazy, or whatever . I highly recommend the book "He's Just Not That Into You" > I bought it a year ago and if not for that book, i would have let this go on longer than a few months. Much longer. The book is Waaaaay better than the movie and every woman should read it. It will help you set boundaries at the very least. Mine was kinda sorta after me for TWO YEARS then finally asked me out. He was still “roomates” (larf) with his ex so I said call me when you have your own place.
he got his own place 2 weeks later and began to pursue.
At first *I* was just in it for a lay, a movie, some good convo, etc and made that clear and that made him pursue more…presents, calling every night, etc. I broke boundaries (such as letting him be around my kids after a few weeks instead of months).
Then suddenly he withdrew the sexual aspect. I suspect now , that this was a control tactic bcuz i was obviously just in it for the good time. He had a host of seemingly fab reasons for this, all of which added up to wanting MORE than just sex with me. LOL. So he was coming on so strong i began to look at him as more, and AS SOON as I emoted to him i might be developing deeper feelings, HE BLEW COLD. I was demoted from date or even “bed buddy” to …FRIENDS, altho he wouldn’t even say that. Just keeping me in limbo i guess.
After a week of that, he totally disappeared, no calling , no call-BACKS, no facebook replies.
So when he resurfaced a week later and said it felt “like time to have you over for dinner again” I said yeah sure then I left him a phone message saying “whatever this is, it isn’t working out for me” etc. Very nice and polite. I also facebook deleted him and left him a facebook msg saying i wasn’t mad just a clean break is best.
We live on a small island, he has no friends and is socially inept so I know he won’t do better than me (for long)

Today I found out he was likely not only seeing his EX (which i was fine with, since i didnt’ want to be serious) but likely another woman as well, and likely telling us all the same sob story about how the other ones were crazy, or whatever .

I highly recommend the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” > I bought it a year ago and if not for that book, i would have let this go on longer than a few months. Much longer. The book is Waaaaay better than the movie and every woman should read it. It will help you set boundaries at the very least.

]]> By: Lovenomics: Managing Your Desire to Be the Exception in Relationships – Part One | Baggage Reclaim http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-253087 Lovenomics: Managing Your Desire to Be the Exception in Relationships – Part One | Baggage Reclaim Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:58:36 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-253087 [...] talking about stuff like boundaries, passive aggression, The Status Quo, how we become the pursuer, blowing hot and cold, how to spot emotionally unavailable men, the powerbase, being the girl that cried wolf, the guy [...] [...] talking about stuff like boundaries, passive aggression, The Status Quo, how we become the pursuer, blowing hot and cold, how to spot emotionally unavailable men, the powerbase, being the girl that cried wolf, the guy [...]

]]> By: tina http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-245410 tina Sun, 18 Oct 2009 01:10:53 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-245410 I dont like guys blow hot and cold. If they do this i'll just move on. I dont like guys blow hot and cold. If they do this i’ll just move on.

]]> By: Mgirl http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-240849 Mgirl Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:53:41 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-240849 This post made me cry when I read it. A year of my boyfriend acting like he's a changed guy for a while and trying to be sweeter/pay more attention . . . but always going back to "cold". He will just ignore me for days - not call, not answer my text or answer it very shortly and coldly. This is not even after we've had a fight- we don't fight, he just treats me like dog shit every once in a while for no reason. He likes to alternate between being really sweet and affectionate, and then just acting like I don't exist. Most times I've stood up for myself he will still just ignore me. Only when he's made me cry does he try to act a little nicer for a while. but it never lasts. I can't believe I have wasted a year crying myself to sleep and being so lonely and depressed while supposedly being in a "relationship". This post made me cry when I read it. A year of my boyfriend acting like he’s a changed guy for a while and trying to be sweeter/pay more attention . . . but always going back to “cold”. He will just ignore me for days – not call, not answer my text or answer it very shortly and coldly. This is not even after we’ve had a fight- we don’t fight, he just treats me like dog shit every once in a while for no reason. He likes to alternate between being really sweet and affectionate, and then just acting like I don’t exist. Most times I’ve stood up for myself he will still just ignore me. Only when he’s made me cry does he try to act a little nicer for a while. but it never lasts. I can’t believe I have wasted a year crying myself to sleep and being so lonely and depressed while supposedly being in a “relationship”.

]]> By: Kaz http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-239859 Kaz Sat, 29 Aug 2009 17:41:13 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-239859 This blog says it all. I've spent months analysing a guy who I like from work and why he acts hot and cold. It seems that when I have lost interest in him and it shows he likes to reel me back in. There's a definite conclusion that I have come to...just like the film, he aint that interested. When a guy is genuinely interested in a girl he will show it, even if it's just bumping in to her, being in the same place as her or making small chat. The guy at work just makes me feel down about myself, but it's hard to let go when someone is blowing hot and cold. This blog says it all. I’ve spent months analysing a guy who I like from work and why he acts hot and cold. It seems that when I have lost interest in him and it shows he likes to reel me back in. There’s a definite conclusion that I have come to…just like the film, he aint that interested. When a guy is genuinely interested in a girl he will show it, even if it’s just bumping in to her, being in the same place as her or making small chat. The guy at work just makes me feel down about myself, but it’s hard to let go when someone is blowing hot and cold.

]]> By: MERRYGOROUND http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-239264 MERRYGOROUND Sun, 23 Aug 2009 09:44:40 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-239264 IT'S THE SAME FOR ME BUT I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH A MAMA'S BOY,I KNOW I HAVE TO MOVE ON, IT'S SO HARD WHEN HE LIVES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I FEEL THAT HIS MOTHER HATES ME AND IT WORSE BECAUSE HE LIVES IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NEXT TO HIS PARENTS, HE WAS HURT VERY BADLY IN THE PAST, AT AGE 20, HIS GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS PREGNANT HAD THE BABY AND LEFT HER WITH HIM TO RAISE ANS SHE IS TOTALLY A SPOILED ROTTEN CHILD. HE MADE THE FIRST MOVE WHEN I MOVED IN 3 YEARS AGO WITH ALL THESES PROMISES OF BIG PLANS OF THE THINGS WE WERE GOING TO DO TOGETHER BUT NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH THEM, I FEEL LIKE HE IS WATCHING ME CONSTANTLY AND KEEPING TABS ON MY LIFE AND OCCASIONALLY HAS THE NERVE ENOUGH TO SAY HI BUT THAT'S IT. I WISH I COULD MOVE BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. AS LONG AS I HAVE KNOWN HIM, HE HASEN'T HAD A GIRLFRIEND ,HE ALWAYS RUNS AWAY. I GOT THE BIG PICTURE THOUGH AND I AM MOVING ON! HIS LOSS! IT’S THE SAME FOR ME BUT I THINK I’M IN LOVE WITH A MAMA’S BOY,I KNOW I HAVE TO MOVE ON, IT’S SO HARD WHEN HE LIVES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I FEEL THAT HIS MOTHER HATES ME AND IT WORSE BECAUSE HE LIVES IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NEXT TO HIS PARENTS, HE WAS HURT VERY BADLY IN THE PAST, AT AGE 20, HIS GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS PREGNANT HAD THE BABY AND LEFT HER WITH HIM TO RAISE ANS SHE IS TOTALLY A SPOILED ROTTEN CHILD. HE MADE THE FIRST MOVE WHEN I MOVED IN 3 YEARS AGO WITH ALL THESES PROMISES OF BIG PLANS OF THE THINGS WE WERE GOING TO DO TOGETHER BUT NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH THEM, I FEEL LIKE HE IS WATCHING ME CONSTANTLY AND KEEPING TABS ON MY LIFE AND OCCASIONALLY HAS THE NERVE ENOUGH TO SAY HI BUT THAT’S IT. I WISH I COULD MOVE BUT THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE. AS LONG AS I HAVE KNOWN HIM, HE HASEN’T HAD A GIRLFRIEND ,HE ALWAYS RUNS AWAY. I GOT THE BIG PICTURE THOUGH AND I AM MOVING ON! HIS LOSS!

]]> By: emmaj http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-236930 emmaj Sat, 01 Aug 2009 22:28:45 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-236930 The same for me. Been talkin to a fella for two years.. met him twice.. my feelings and emotiions for him are really strong.. love amlost.. i kissed him.. he kissed me back.. he said he likes me.. likes how i am.. likes how i look.. but its left at that. When he goes all quiet and i question him why.. he says he wants nothing to more to do with me! Im left feelin confused and lost! Feels like iv lost two years of my life! The same for me. Been talkin to a fella for two years.. met him twice.. my feelings and emotiions for him are really strong.. love amlost.. i kissed him.. he kissed me back.. he said he likes me.. likes how i am.. likes how i look.. but its left at that. When he goes all quiet and i question him why.. he says he wants nothing to more to do with me! Im left feelin confused and lost! Feels like iv lost two years of my life!

]]> By: sara http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-229648 sara Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:07:00 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-229648 It's all on the first few weeks, texts and seeing eachother but the next few weeks no word from him and its funny because it kinda can be perceived as needy/clingy behaviour and i was the person 'hard to get' who follows whims (still) and cringed at my friends clingy relationships. I use to say "living in each others pocket" etc but then again THAT is clingy, feeling insecure without eachother all the time but its not clingy to wonder why someone's hot one moment, and cold the next. I get the chase thing and if they won you too easily they get bored..it's just when I haven't been interested in someone who was chasing me, they pursued quite hard...and then when there was someone interested in me that i in turn liked, i out right said i liked them too, as they said about me too. Am I to take it that we're to pretend we're not interested so that they get to chase? Men - i mean, boys, like that, need to grow up and become men. Games...cut the foreplay, and just play! It’s all on the first few weeks, texts and seeing eachother but the next few weeks no word from him and its funny because it kinda can be perceived as needy/clingy behaviour and i was the person ‘hard to get’ who follows whims (still) and cringed at my friends clingy relationships. I use to say “living in each others pocket” etc but then again THAT is clingy, feeling insecure without eachother all the time but its not clingy to wonder why someone’s hot one moment, and cold the next. I get the chase thing and if they won you too easily they get bored..it’s just when I haven’t been interested in someone who was chasing me, they pursued quite hard…and then when there was someone interested in me that i in turn liked, i out right said i liked them too, as they said about me too. Am I to take it that we’re to pretend we’re not interested so that they get to chase? Men – i mean, boys, like that, need to grow up and become men. Games…cut the foreplay, and just play!

]]> By: Gina http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-222349 Gina Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:03:48 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-222349 THE STORY OF MY DATING HISTORY lol --- I was so grateful to have came across this site and put words to the patterns that were going on. It's funny when I picture "blowing hot and blowing cold" I see the big bad wolf in sheeps clothing... but we knew it all along!! It was always the case when I called on their "coldness" they tell me I was being too needy or play dumb and because I doubted my own feelings and perceptions thought I was going crazy and then thought "it must be me"... ahhh, thank goodness I am enlightened. Of course I know now from this site and self exploration that I was emotionally unavailable therefore leading myself into the direction that was inevitiable, but there is something about these mens behaviors that hook us in like fish that thought it was real grub, but just fake bait! THE STORY OF MY DATING HISTORY lol — I was so grateful to have came across this site and put words to the patterns that were going on. It’s funny when I picture “blowing hot and blowing cold” I see the big bad wolf in sheeps clothing… but we knew it all along!! It was always the case when I called on their “coldness” they tell me I was being too needy or play dumb and because I doubted my own feelings and perceptions thought I was going crazy and then thought “it must be me”… ahhh, thank goodness I am enlightened. Of course I know now from this site and self exploration that I was emotionally unavailable therefore leading myself into the direction that was inevitiable, but there is something about these mens behaviors that hook us in like fish that thought it was real grub, but just fake bait!

]]> By: Andy http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-195552 Andy Thu, 23 Oct 2008 21:07:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-195552 I had a great relationship with my girlfriend but within weeks she was attempting full commitment - including wanting me to move in with her.She also did some very bad things,including attempting to get pregnant deceptively.She constantly sought verbal clarification of my love for her, to the point of obsession.She wanted me to ask her to marry her,just pretend to...this had the effect of pushing me away - it was all too much.All this coupled with the fact that she had split from her husband 7 years before and was yet to formalise it.I made the mistake of not completely breaking off with her for these reasons - I continued to be friends with her and this gave her hope that things would change.I also hoped that she would change too.I am not sure this makes me a commitment phobe - I think I was simply pushed too hard,too soon and had trust issues due to her actions. I had a great relationship with my girlfriend but within weeks she was attempting full commitment – including wanting me to move in with her.She also did some very bad things,including attempting to get pregnant deceptively.She constantly sought verbal clarification of my love for her, to the point of obsession.She wanted me to ask her to marry her,just pretend to…this had the effect of pushing me away – it was all too much.All this coupled with the fact that she had split from her husband 7 years before and was yet to formalise it.I made the mistake of not completely breaking off with her for these reasons – I continued to be friends with her and this gave her hope that things would change.I also hoped that she would change too.I am not sure this makes me a commitment phobe – I think I was simply pushed too hard,too soon and had trust issues due to her actions.

]]> By: Jessica http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-161914 Jessica Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:31:31 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-161914 I have been dating a guy for nearly 3 months and things seemed like they were going great. He was introducing me to his friends; kept inviting me out to do things and then all of a sudden, BAM! He's not calling, or returning calls. I am very hurt because I thought we were on the same page, but obviously I was wrong. I've been through this in the past and I will NOT let this guy suck me back in (if he ever decides to stop being a coward and come out of hiding). I want a guy who wants to be with me! I deserve no less. Chin up ladies.... supposedly the nice guy is out there.... ugh I have been dating a guy for nearly 3 months and things seemed like they were going great. He was introducing me to his friends; kept inviting me out to do things and then all of a sudden, BAM! He’s not calling, or returning calls. I am very hurt because I thought we were on the same page, but obviously I was wrong. I’ve been through this in the past and I will NOT let this guy suck me back in (if he ever decides to stop being a coward and come out of hiding). I want a guy who wants to be with me! I deserve no less. Chin up ladies…. supposedly the nice guy is out there…. ugh

]]> By: Maggie Perez http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-151912 Maggie Perez Tue, 29 Apr 2008 23:16:28 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-151912 yeah, i'm in a relationship right now and a lot of this sounds just like him. we've been together for almost 2 years and our relationship is always fluctuating. It goes up and down all the time. why can't it ever be straight!!!!!!! yeah, i’m in a relationship right now and a lot of this sounds just like him. we’ve been together for almost 2 years and our relationship is always fluctuating. It goes up and down all the time. why can’t it ever be straight!!!!!!!

]]> By: Vicky http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-145543 Vicky Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:33:13 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-145543 OMG, Jenny. You took the words out of my mouth. I am experiencing the exact same issues. I am SO in love with him. And I swear, in return, all my confidence is gone. He's being so cold and I haven't done anything wrong. I hate being the victim, but I so am! OMG, Jenny. You took the words out of my mouth. I am experiencing the exact same issues. I am SO in love with him. And I swear, in return, all my confidence is gone. He’s being so cold and I haven’t done anything wrong. I hate being the victim, but I so am!

]]> By: Jenny http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-133098 Jenny Wed, 27 Feb 2008 21:36:54 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-133098 I'm having this experience right now and at the risk of trying to nice it up for myself, I think this guy fell in love and the crap was scared out of him. BUT even if he's in love and fearful, the fact that he's blowing hot/cold doesn't make me feel loved - just blue. I am still emotionally invested in him and honestly wish it could work out but I really don't think it will and I have to go through the process of detaching myself from hi. For me, what I believe will work is a discussion with him about his behaviour for the sake of much needed closure. I’m having this experience right now and at the risk of trying to nice it up for myself, I think this guy fell in love and the crap was scared out of him. BUT even if he’s in love and fearful, the fact that he’s blowing hot/cold doesn’t make me feel loved – just blue. I am still emotionally invested in him and honestly wish it could work out but I really don’t think it will and I have to go through the process of detaching myself from hi. For me, what I believe will work is a discussion with him about his behaviour for the sake of much needed closure.

]]> By: Pheobie http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/comment-page-1/#comment-97999 Pheobie Sun, 23 Dec 2007 21:08:48 +0000 http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/#comment-97999 Great article... I am dating with 58 years old guy, who are not emotionally available (I am 42). I am very attracted his power, money and knowledge, yet tired to be his yo-yo girl. Age doesn't determine anything in terms of the relationship... Great article… I am dating with 58 years old guy, who are not emotionally available (I am 42). I am very attracted his power, money and knowledge, yet tired to be his yo-yo girl. Age doesn’t determine anything in terms of the relationship…

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