Right now as you read this, there are hundreds of thousands of people out on first dates and by the end of the date, they’ll either be praying they never have to see the person again, or crossing their fingers behind their back that the other person feels as great about things as they do, so that the first date becomes a second, third, and so on.
But what do you do when you have a great date (and sometimes they even tell you it was great) and then you never hear from them ever again? What do you do when you’re expecting a call that never materialises?
I realised after years of dating and dodgy boyfriends, that two people see things very differently and that you need the judgment skills of a crime scene investigator to work your way through the minefield of dating.
One of the most important things that you can learn about dating, is that much like when you’re in a relationship with a guy and they fear confrontation and nagging, many men are complete wusses about conveying in any way, that a date is anything less than up to par. This means that they will carry on like they’re on the date of their life and make you feel good about it even though they have no intention of seeing you again because they don’t want to look like a prick and need to make you feel good about them and the date.
That said, at the end of the day, your interpretation of ‘great’ and theirs may be two very different things. You can’t really tell how great it was unless 1) they tell you, and 2) they follow it through with a call and further dates.
A date really isn’t that great unless it opens the way to subsequent dates. Unless you’re agenda is to have ‘great’ dates and never see them again, you’ll the need the greatness to follow through into something.
Most of us are not very good at judging whether a date was good independently of the other person because we have our egos and date goggles to contend with. It’s like when you go for a job interview and feel like the job is practically yours, only to discover that you didn’t make the cut and the interviewer wasn’t very enamored with you.
You might think that you were charming, witty, confident, a great conversationalist, and that you were both on the same wavelength. He might think he was on a date with a self-absorbed, sarcastic, domineering, chatterbox, that spoke relentlessly about herself and didn’t let him get a word in edgeways. He might think you have nothing in common.
Or he could be fickle, emotionally unavailable, avoiding commitment, or bored because he’s already managed to have sex with you. Yes, sometimes we make the mistake of assuming that a sexual connection makes a great date when in fact it can often spell the last date.
At the end of the day though, there could be any number of reasons why a guy doesn’t call but the point is that he didn’t. His reason for not calling doesn’t have to be about you and it is often about him. Whilst it is easier said than done not to expend energy trying to figure out what happened, you have to apply the following rule of thumb: The amount of time you spend pondering his reasons should be proportionate to the amount of date time invested. So if for example, you spend as much time worrying about why he didn’t call after one date as you would about the end of a three month relationship, you know you’ve got serious issues!
The best thing to do is to slow your roll and don’t get carried away with the fantasy or expectations that can result from thinking that you’ve had a great date. It doesn’t mean you need to be cynical or distrusting; instead you need to treat prospective dates as prospective and keep your feet firmly in reality. Don’t assume that it is about you because you’ll let it eat into your self-esteem and assume that it’s your fault. And if he doesn’t bother his arse to call after a genuinely great date, you’ve probably been let off lightly!