Why I’ll Always Be a Thong Lover!

September 8, 2005 by NML

The very popular French knicker is surprisingly welcome in my knicker drawer, but I could not live without thongs!

I have been a devout follower of the Church of Thong for over eight years. I went to the US when I was nineteen years old, and within days of arriving I converted, and never looked back. It was being in the clothes shops and seeing these gorgeous, sexy, pretty little thongs, and looking at the big pants rail, and thinking that they all looked like period pants! My recent concession to big pants has been French knickers and little boxers, but much as I love them, they don’t go under everything, especially trousers that show up lines.

Since my early days of conversion, many of my friends and family have followed behind me, quickly realising that a smooth booty, instead of a lined booty that could be used to guide aeroplanes to land, is definitely the better option. Yet despite the obvious benefits, there are still many abstainers and non-believers who happily strut around with massive VPL’s (visible panty lines).

The thong is one of the great innovations for women because it not only allows you to wear close fitting clothing like dresses and trousers without fear of an unsightly line, but they are also sexy, and if you invest in decent pairs, you’ll barely know that they are there.

It’s hard to remember what it was like to have a VPL, but the thought alone makes me cringe. It’s okay when you’re a kid, but I was nineteen and had been strutting around nightclubs for a couple of years by the time I converted. Visualising myself in my outfits of the early nineties, I shudder, not because I look like a Salt & Pepper look-alike, or whatever was popular then, but because I had a VPL.

I used to work with a woman who appeared as if she kept a parachute in her trousers. It was as if she thought that she may not be able to cope with her job, and might have to jump from the third floor. At least she could rely on her voluminous, blooming, granny, big pants to carry her to safety. There is nothing sexy about that!

Wearing a thong is sexy and uninhibiting. Wear big pants for a few hours, and then switch to a thong, and there is a clear difference. You feel freer, and believe me if you glance at yourself in the mirror, you know you look good. Men love them as well, and who wants to have a Bridget Jones moment by revealing her control pants to a man on their first date!

Although I love thongs though, I don’t actually want to see it when you bend over. The phrase ‘More crack than Harlem’ springs to mind. It’s okay when it happens by accident, but I can’t bear women that wear it as if it’s outer wear. It’s not pretty, it’s certainly not sexy, and these women give serious devotees a bad name.

Last summer, I had the unpleasantness of my grandmother pointing out that my thong was on show. It wasn’t on purpose. I was wearing jeans with a belt, but it must have loosened, and with the aid of alcohol, I didn’t even notice that I was putting my wares on display. Through the haze of alcohol, I noticed my grandmother discreetly trying to catch my attention. She then said in quite caustic tones, ‘NML, that er…thing is on show’, and moved her head to show that I should be looking at my rear. I actually felt myself flush, big time. The woman couldn’t even refer to it as underwear!

Most men love thongs. Mention them, and men turn into giggly little boys, and they quickly ask the women in their company if they wear thongs or g-strings. So far, the fact that I wear them has never received a negative response from a male. In fact, it’s sometimes a little too positive. I often wonder are they going out with women who wear big pants, because after quite a few years of the thong being popular, surely it shouldn’t be such a big deal anymore?

Most of these men must have voyeuristic tendencies, because whereas most women don’t like to look at other women’s thongs rising up, most men can’t wait to see them. One guy told me that part of his journey to work was keeping an eye out for glimpses of thong, and most said that it was part of the night out. I can’t claim that when I’m on the tube, I’m keeping an eye out for some strange guy’s cacky boxers, but here lies one of the fundamental differences between men and women. I cringe if a guy bends over and I get an unpleasant view of his bum crack. A man seeing a woman do that thinks that all of his Christmas’ have come together in one go. It’s why men are big into porn and women aren’t. We thrive on intimacy and emotion. But that’s another subject!

Now after seven years I’ve learnt that not all thongs are comfortable. There is the obvious discomfort that is felt when you first switch from ‘big’ to ‘barely there’, but it’s not supposed to last, and it’s certainly not supposed to feel like your thong is acting like dental floss! That type of discomfort is not only difficult but can also lead to hygiene issues. Ideally they should be cotton or in a light material. The actual string of the thong shouldn’t resemble or feel remotely like rope. We’re women, not sailors!

There is another type of discomfort that has come about with the thong, and it has nothing to do with fabric or ‘size’ of the thong. It’s how far the tentacles of the Church of Thong are stretching. A couple of years back, I heard that it had been reported in the news that a head teacher had to send some seven year olds home because they were wearing thongs. They were accompanied with a letter which requested that the parents sent their children to school in appropriate underwear.

First of all, is it even possible to buy thongs for children? Secondly, what manufacturer thought that this perverse idea was a good one? Thirdly, what an earth were the parents thinking? These kids were cart wheeling around, while the other poor children were getting a right eyeful!

I know a parent of a sixteen year old girl that is doing his best to stop her from wearing a thong. He feels it’s inappropriate and that it sends out the wrong message. Any younger and I’d be whole heartedly agreeing, but it’s a difficult one to enforce, and teenage girls want to fit in with their peer group. What is he going to do? Tell her to drop her pants so that he can check what she’s wearing? I believe that the Church of Thong should only accept members sixteen and over. Any younger, and it would be a cult! And we all know what people generally think of those!
The thong is here to stay, liberating women by removing unsightly lines, making them look and feel sexy, and generally being very comfortable to wear. I think a big indicator of the success of this phenomenal innovation is my forty six year old mothers’ conversion. When I first wore them, my mother was embarrassed to put them on the washing line for fear the neighbours would think her only daughter was a tart. Now, my mother has been wearing them for five years and has converted most of her friends, many of them older than her and quite conservative. I’m thinking about targeting my seventy-two year old grandmother for my next conversion. Now that would be progress.

NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim