Why Won’t Men Admit When They’re at Fault?!

February 1, 2007 by NML

My experiences of men when arguing is that most of the argument, and sometimes all of it, is driven by the need for the man to believe he is right, even when he is in the wrong. This makes arguing with men exhausting and frustrating because the women on the end of it KNOW that the men are in the wrong, yet are made to feel in the wrong or uncertain about what they believe. Men probably came to have so much power in the world via this uncanny trick.

In my line of work, I come across a lot of men and I often have to listen to BS conversations where they’ll tell me that the grass is blue and the sky is green. If you try to call them on what they’ve said, they get pissy with you and start talking loudly and get irate. It’s not worth the effort!
Men like to hear the sound of their own voice. Men like to win at everything even when there isn’t a competition and there isn’t a prize. This means that in general, men struggle to admit when they are in the wrong, because there is something far bigger at stake; pride.

They say that pride comes before a fall, and when it comes to arguing, boy do men fall. Even when they think that they have won an argument, it is a hollow victory, because they have bullied and bulldozed their point across despite deep down knowing that they are very clearly in the wrong.

Has anybody noticed that when a man is in the wrong, the more at fault they are, the louder and more forcefully they talk? Don’t they realise that they are actually digging a bigger hole for themselves, because as well as whatever they were initially at fault for, they now also have their ridiculous behaviour and their treatment of you to add on to the list.
When it comes to the apologies though, has anybody noticed either the absence of one from men, or suddenly how low their voices become? They almost sound like teenage boys with their voices breaking!
I think that many men are brought up believing that all men rule the world and that they are essentially right. Men are generally crap at communication anyway (How many times have you heard women say, ‘If only he would communicate!’ and men shout, ‘She won’t stop bloody communicating’?), so it is no great surprise that men fail to communicate when they are in the wrong, and fail to communicate how sorry they are.
When women point out that a man is at fault it is taken as accusatory and nagging. When a man points out that a woman is at fault he is making a point that supports his argument. I think that as soon as men hear certain tones or words, many of which he will have picked up in his childhood, he mentally shuts down and becomes defensive.
Men are already up against it in the modern world. Back in the dark ages of 40 years ago and beyond when women did not have the power or rights that they have now, there wasn’t any room for argument because the man was always right. It was just the way of the world. He didn’t have to admit that he was at fault about anything because he paid the bills, kept life in order and generally ran the show. The woman kept house, kept pregnant, and kept quiet, because a woman’s work was in the home, and the woman’s duty was to serve her man.
In theory, because women have evolved since then and now work and are attempting to command similar salaries, juggle children and careers, and trying to coexist on an equal level with our male counterparts, men should be different and have adapted. Wrong.
Men are still communicating and co-existing with women in pretty much the same way that they always have. Oh, there are some men out there who are ‘New men’ but I think most men are essentially the same man that we have always had, and just play the game to keep the peace in our politically correct world.

Remember that we are animals and have a natural instinct to survive. The man in an argument situation always resorts to his basic, primal instincts, and most of this he has learned on his way up in life, probably from his father.
When men won’t admit that they are at fault and continue to argue with you, they aren’t just battling with you. If they are arguing with a woman, they are arguing for every woman they’ve argued with (mothers, sisters, exes, peers), and if they are arguing with men, (fathers, brothers, peers) and will have to prove their strength. Either way, it’s a battle to prove that they are ‘The Man’.

Will they ever change? I doubt it. You can’t change the habit of a lifetime, but you there are certain things you can do to help yourself if you’re a woman telling a man that he is at fault:

1. Don’t raise your voice to levels that dogs can hear. A mans balls will shrivel and you become the enemy, and you don’t look so attractive anymore.
2. I know it’s difficult but try not to cry. All it does is reaffirm his ‘man’ status and a weird signal goes off in their brain which convinces him you’re crying because you’re in the wrong. They also see it as manipulative and weak, even when it’s not.
3. Stick to facts and steer clear of going on about your emotions and how he has made you feel. Men don’t do sympathy during arguments. Afterwards when they feel safe that they have won they will. Which brings me to my next point……..
4. Ease yourself as quickly out of the argument with a pleasant look on your face if he’s refusing to give in. He’ll still be thinking he’s in the right until he’s greeted by frostbite in the bedroom…….
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim