If you imagine (actually, many of you don’t even need to do this as you’re living it) that you’re in a relationship/dating a man that appears to be dragging his feet. It could be that you’ve been together for for a few months, a year, or even a few years but you know that he’s ‘trying to figure things out’. For some he’s trying to figure out if he’s even that interested. For others, he’s trying to figure out if he wants to be exclusive. For others, he’s saying that he likes/loves you, but he’s contradicting that with his actions and stalling on committing.
Maybe he’s got a wife he needs to make the move to finalise a divorce with.
Maybe he keeps doing the whole ‘That One Time in Bandcamp’ thing where he keeps bringing up that time when he got hurt or the same old story about some woman that disappointed him.
Maybe he’s straight up saying he’s not sure.
Maybe he says he waiting to feel ready.
Whatever it is that he’s saying, there is a difference between you and him.
You’ve made a decision about him and decided to stick around in spite of the fact that he hasn’t got both feet in the relationship.
In fact, you’re waiting for him to make a decision about you, when you’ve already made a decision about him! Does that even make sense?
How horrible is it to be around someone who isn’t sure that they want to be with you when you have your heart and mind so set on him?
It’s a blow to your self-esteem and all the patience and compassion in the world can’t disguise the gnawing sensation of feeling vaguely humiliated and definitely rejected.
The thing is, it’s not that hard for someone to decide if they want to be with you and if they want to be in the relationship – we’ve just convinced ourselves that it is because it makes it more palatable as if it’s a prerequisite for love that you’ve got to cut your teeth being in pain.
Deep down, we know when someone actually wants to be around us and deep down, we also know when we truly feel good, and when someone truly loves and cares about us.
When a man ends the relationship with you and you cling to the relationship trying to win him back or obsessing about why he’s gone and why you love him so, this is a signal that something is very wrong because he has opted out and decided that you and whatever you both have is not worth trying for. This is a sign that come hell or high water, you need to drop the illusion and get real because you want someone that no longer wants you.
This is the same as when you’re with someone who can’t bring themselves to put both of their feet in the relationship and instead keeps a foot out, or just a toe in and makes it clear either through words or his actions that he is not on board. Instead of fighting for his attention, trying to prove yourself, trying to win, the fact that he is himming and hawing about you should be a serious indicator that something is wrong and that you need to step back, get real, and be careful of projecting what you think, feel, and believe on to him because clearly, you’re not on the same page.
And remember – when this continues over an extended period of time, it isn’t that he hasn’t made a decision; it’s that he’s using his indecision to mask the fact that he has made a decision, he just doesn’t want to clue you in on it. After all, better to hedge your bets than to do the decent thing…
Your thoughts?
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Seems quite clear, and the reality is that he HAS made a decision, as you concluded.
Reminds me of the whole Prince William and Kate Middelton thing – using the excuse that he is undergoing army training and has to wait is just an excuse.
And it is humilating. Clearly he doesn’t want to be with her as much as she wants to be with him, and she is gambling on hope and “later” which may never come.
Loving Annie’s last blog post..Your Cell Phone Is Ringing
Oh this is a timely post. I always felt like I was waiting for something to happen. Well no more of that.
I think many of us have done this; waited and waited and waited.
I think the worst are the ones who will spend years with you but they just won’t take the relationship further. I know I heard the I’m not ready yet for 2 years. It took me awhile to realize it really was just a stall tactic. If you are with someone for a long period of time, another year or two isn’t going to make any difference in things.
Now if you are 18 years old, that is a different story but for people who are done with school and have a steady job etc., it is just an excuse.
I guess the question is, what do you do if you realize he has just been making excuses not to commit or whatever?
Oh my GOD, this article about me:-( Thank you NML!!!
Especially : “How horrible is it to be around someone who isn’t sure that they want to be with you when you have your heart and mind so set on him?”
I am trying to rid of my MR Unavailable (after one year of appearing and disappearing acts), and I dont know HOW!!! Yes, I am sitting and waiting and it is so painful, but I am so hopeless and I cant help myself!!! My head is saying that it’s over, but my heart cant let it go…
THIS IS SO TRUE! In hindsight it’s so easy to see clearly. It is a painful and pathetic feeling when you delude yourself into thinking that “he just needs some time” and then he’ll commit.
Alika, It is very hard for your heart to let go…I still have trouble with it even though I am no longer in the relationship, It takes time, but my self esteem is better and knowing that I stood up for myself and let him know that I am not waiting for him, am finished with him. Even if my heart has to catch up. At least the drama of him and the relationship is gone. What hurts my heart and probably yours, Alika, is giving up the dream or what you thought was the dream (his potential) of the perfect love, the great relationship, soulmate, you long for…but I am realizing, it wasn’t him, was never him and will never be him. It was wishful and hopeful thinking with him.
I know now, that the great love I am longing for, when I find it…I KNOW I won’t have to WAIT for him to decide anything, he will know and I will know.
I want a man that loves me enough to swim across shark infested waters just to bring me a lemonade!!! I won’t settle for less anymore.
HUGS TO ALL XXXXXXXXXOOOOOO
Jean,
You get out! Why waste any more precious time!
Hi Gaynor, I mean when you are in a relationship, how long do you wait for a proposal? 1 year, 2 years? Do you think this is something you should tell someone you are dating up front?
Say you are dating someone for 3 months or whatever, do you say “I don’t do endless dating relationships. If things aren’t moving forward by 2 years, I’m gone.”
Jean, you need to get out unless you want to waste more time.
Finally, you are right, hindsight is 20/20 and I can see now very clearly what I didn’t “see” in the past.
Alika, cut Contact with him or you will waste another year with him.
I know it all sounds sooo easy to say, been there done that, but you have to believe it will get better – but you have to remove yourself from the situation first.
Exactly… in the beginning your the greatest thing since sliced bread where you are sitting back relaxing until they start to back away and all of a sudden things are going too fast. I have learned and grown so much thank god this past year. Thank goodness to my own impatience if a man can not make a decision about me; I get agiated and can’t take much more of him at that point — but at that point I feel like I had invested too much, and I have! I was so proud of myself calling this guy I was dating on the phone and said “I don’t know what you are doing and I don’t have time to figure it out but I do not want to continue seeing you any longer”… of course he tried to make me secondguess myself after his assclown actions, and he did everything that you mentioned on this site like contact me when I was moving on etc and I wondered why and now everything is so clear, not about him just in general.
I was reading this book and it gave a good tip. Just like when a man or woman goes for a job and needs to prove their worthy of benefits usually a 90 day period—they say woman should wait until at least that so you know he is consistent and a good man for you… thought it was a cute idea.
Wow Jean, You’re asking the wrong girl. I do think that three-months is a bit early to be discussing the marriage issue but I can say from my last relationship there were clear indicators that this guy would never settle down again. I believe it is so important to hear what they say, and more importantly watch their actions this is a good indicator where the relationship may lead.
What do the other ladies advise?
uhm I reckon there’s a difference between a) not committing to be in a relationship with you and b) being in a committed relationship with you and not making a marriage proposal. We are mixing two different issues.
I’ve learned the hard way to judge people and guys in particular by their actions and not by their words and I’d rather be with a guy who treats me well in a loving and respectful manner than being with someone who talks big talk and then pulls disappearing acts.
A guy who doesn’t do marriage talk doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not committed.
If marriage is important for you then yes you should look for like minded people but I believe there are other fundamental things.
An engagement ring means nothing for me if there’s no respect and love and I believe respect and love can exist without an engagement ring.
OH MY GOSH. It is hard to read stuff like this and realize and face the truth of how much I hung on even though his actions didn’t match his words! He was showing me his decision or indecision by talking up a storm about love and greatness and the future, but doing nothing! And I chose to listen to the words for a couple years instead of seeing that he had no intention of being with me in any real way. Geez, it is embarrassing. I love this article. Another wake-up-call and reminder. This site just keeps spurring me on to keep working on myself, and not keep thinking “if only I had done___________….then maybe he would’ve done________…. etc…”
I had a conversation with my xEUM the other day (its been 3 months since I broke it off with him) and I asked: If you didnt want to be with me…why didnt you just say so instead of stringing me along– and he said: Because I didnt want to hurt you”. Im not sure that really makes sense. While I understand that some men are scared I have a feeling this is just an excuse. I responded to him by telling him that by not telling me he had hurt me…because although I was already emotionally invested— the piece of information of Him not being into me anymore etc… was pivitol in me deciding whether to stay or to go. Instead he continued to call and tell me he loved me for what??? Is that really what you do when you DONT want to hurt someone??? It sounds like to me he is trying to hide the fact that he was indeed stringing me along but without having to really say it– but instead covering it up by saying: I didnt want to hurt you. We were together for almost two years. It was a crazy rollercoaster ride of never really knowing for sure what he felt, where we stood etc… because his words didnt really match his actions. Tell me guys– do you really think that a man in his 30′s didnt want to hurt me so instead of letting me go—- he just held on until I couldnt take it anymore and I had to end it? I can’t say i didn’t feel rejected and hurt when he told me that. And not only that but he even said… you know …. I was thinking of something serious with you until you did this….. YOU KNOW WHAT……. like NML Says in this post is it really that hard to make a decision of whether or not you want to be with someone? I knew I wanted him (uhm… eventhough he was still living with the mother of his kids!!!) and despite me being patient and and understanding and supportive etc…. he still blew hot and cold? I guess i was taken for a joy ride…. and that part hurts because I really loved him…
And remember – when this continues over an extended period of time, it isn’t that he hasn’t made a decision; it’s that he’s using his indecision to mask the fact that he has made a decision, he just doesn’t want to clue you in on it. After all, better to hedge your bets than to do the decent thing…
This is the part that hit me like a ton of bricks. I hung onto a man for three years where he was hemming and hawwing and going back and forth. It was such a Katy Perry Song, “Hot and Cold”. We convience ourselves that these men are good guys, but the good ones don’t string you along for any reason. They’re honest and well let you know that the relationship is not working for them. My ex tried to used all of these excuses and more, telling me at the end that he was thinking about proposing but it was because I was pushing that he didn’t want. I actually stopped him right there in the middle of the conversation and told him that that was the biggest lie of all and that it wouldn’t have made a difference what I did or if I was Cindy Crawford he had not intention of committing to me. He got completely silent. I told him that I’d finally woken up to the fact that his indecision was his decision and that he’d been content to use me for the last three years for his own sake. I told him the worst part about the entire situation was that I allowed him to. He then asked me, “Was I really that shitty to you?” with this stricken look on his face. I told him that yes he was and then some and that doesn’t get to sit there and act like he was Mr. Perfect when he wasn’t. It was a pretty profound conversation and was the most depth that he’d shown to me in those entire 3 years. I moved out and am 100% better thanks to this site. It’s not a walk in the park but every day I get stronger and gain more self-esteem and I know that eventually I will meet someone when I’m in a better place emotionally too.
Karen,
What happened? I thought you had gone NC with this guy??
I think he was feeding you a line of bull so that he would not look like the A$$hole he truly is. This guy knew that he was doing the big string along, if he didn’t want to hurt you he would have let you go. Don’t believe a word of this silliness, it was all for his benefit.
Nikki
I think hit in on the nail for me when you said “He doesnt get to sit there and act like he was Mr Perfect when he wasnt”. I think ive been giving my xEUM too much credit and taking most of the blame to the point where I really question myself whether ending it was the best thing for me. I guess since I miss him and most likely because I keep thinking that if only I had done something different and if i could go back and fix it— he would appreciate me and love me. All this with a man who lied, cheated and makes me feel that if only “I” had been different— things would have worked out. That if only I wouldnt have pressured so much, asked too many questions, confronted him about other #’s etc..etc… he had been really considering something more long term with me. I know it sounds ridiculous for me to believe this but i guess sometimes I manage to allow him to actually make ME and me alone feel is to blame for things not working out. I guess because I so much wanted them to, and I still care for him. I just keep asking myself… why not me? Why did he not love me? What did i do wrong? Im hoping I will one day stop blaming myself and stop asking these questions.
I love this site and thank God I found it!!! I have never commented on a site like this before, but these posts hit home. I’ve never told my friends or family about the lie I’ve been living. I dealt with a man for 14 years! I watched him get married and have children with another woman. I held on thinking one day we would be together. I believed in what we had and what was said. I broke things off one week ago today. My emotions are all over the place because he does not know it’s over! I am scared about life without him, but MUST move on. I started with this guy when I was 22 years old…now I am 37. Each year I waited and waited. In the coming months I will graduate from college and buy my first home. I chose now to leave just so that I can start fresh on my own. What has been said on this site is TRUE…the behavior and patterns of the man I was into fits every category stated here.
Jean
You get out when you’re ready to and not a minute sooner. Nobody on this forum and can tell you when that should be. It’s personal preference. Chances are, if you’re writing on this forum about it, you are already unhappy with the situaton.
FYI – Ultimatums never work so if you’re not prepared to leave, don’t force the issue.
Mike,
I’m curious, did you say the same to your sister? After reading about the pain she endured in her relationship, it seems as if it was still very difficult for her to remove herself from the situation.
This is a great post and soooo true. When I was 17 years old I was in band and had a huge crush on my band mate. We sat together in class and became fast friends. Many folks thought we were dating. Throughout the school year we became fast friends and I developed the illusion that we might even become a couple. Well that was my first experience with an EUM (Yes the learn early) A few months before the prom he asked me if I had a date I said no, do you? He said no, and indicated that he and I could go together, then he said he was just joking around, but throughout the ensuing months he kept asking about whether I had a date. I thought about asking him and I spoke to my grandmother about it and she said “kissie” (that was her nickname for me) “if a man really likes you he’ll ask you out.” I never asked him out and we ended upgoing to the prom with other people. In fact he ignored me throughout the entire prom night.
But what my grandmother said came back to me years later…after several bad “realtionships” with EUMs. If a man really wants you, he’ll make his intentions CLEARLY known.
He WILL make the time to be with you. He WILL call. He WILL spend time with you. He WILL take you out and show you off to his friends. He WILL respect you and treat you well. If he does not like or does not want to be with you he WON’T do these things and you hanging around listening to his BS, hoping he will eventually see how wonderful you are and take you for a ride in his car and spend some time with when you’re not in a horizontal position, is an illusion. Actions always speak louder than words. We think we love these men. We don’t. We love the fantasy that is in our minds.
We love the idea of being in love and any man will do. We love the drama, the chase the hope that we can MAKE him love us. If you are with a man and he says he loves you but has married another woman, HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU and if you stay with a man who continuously disappoints you, strings you along, hides you away, hurts your feelings, is inconsiderate, disapppears for days and weeks at a time, lies to you, beats you, and makes you feel like sh*t then, my dear, you don’t love yourself.
As the song says, “when a man loves a woman, he can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else.” Women need to know that a man will quickly secure a relationship with a woman when he truly wants her — nothing will hold him back. In other words, he makes his intentions crystal clear.
Kissie,
You just “killed” me with your comment as it is so true!!!
Yes, I probably don’t love myself at all if I keep allowing this Assclown to threat me like this…
AS NML said in this article: “Deep down, we know when someone actually wants to be around us and deep down, we also know when we truly feel good, and when someone truly loves and cares about us” …not in my case, unfortunately:-(
Finallyseenthelight and Astelle, thank you ladies for your wise advices as usual…
Haha! Kissie I love your post as well!! Good one!!!
Kissie,
Well said!!!
It is absolutely horrible to love and care for someone who doesn’t love you back. It is demoralizing to wake up and face the cold hard facts: for two years, you were just a distraction for him on his way to and from the woman he claimed he was not emotionally, physically, or intellectually attached to. You loved unconditionally, and he didn’t love at all. What a waste of your valuable life.
Yes, Anne it is just that, but in the state of mine that we were in we didn’t really realize that at the time. We just thought all we had to do was try harder, love harder, in essence be someone else entirely. The time we spent on them should have been turned inward focusing on ourselves and loving ourselves first.
Stephen is totally right. When a man wants to be with a woman there is nothing or anything that keep him from you in any way. He’ll make it happen. It’s as NML said, their inactions masks the fact that they have no intention of committing at all.
NML, what does this mean what you said in your post:
After all, better to hedge your bets than to do the decent thing…
I understand English as I read it, but I can’t get the meaning out of this sentence, and what ever this means why is it “better’?
I know what doing the decent thing means, I just can’t put this sentence together. I hope I am not the only “dumb” foreigner.
Well said – and great posts. I have a question in light of what Stephen and the other posts were saying.
I was spending time with a guy who did make a huge effort to spend time with me (my schedule was more difficult to work around) and we would see each other at least once a week and email almost daily (yes, I know what NML says about emails – that has sunk in!). We did talk on the phone as well.
The one thing we didn’t do was take it any further than spending time together, even when he was at my place a couple of times. (Yes, I should have dealt with that earlier than later). And then he was really surprised after a couple of months when I asked him where he stood – i.e. I’m wanting to make this into an actual relationship and either you are in or out. I haven’t contacted him in months and don’t plan to (the posts and this site really help with that). I’m just a little stuck on trying to understand why someone would spend so much time with someone else and then not have any further intention of pursuing more – it sounds quite different from many of the other stories I hear in relation to EUMs.
Any reactions would be greatly appreciated.
Astelle,
Honey, you’re not a dumb foreigner. Here’s the defonition:
Hedge your bets
Meaning
To avoid committing oneself; to leave a means of retreat open.
Gaynor, Thanks and I love you, but what does “to leave a means of retreat open” . UGH…
Rachel, I have no answer to your situation either and I hope that somebody will have an answer? NML? Brad? Mike? Stephen?
NML, as always, a great deal to think about in your post. I think it is partly the child in us that waits until someone else makes the decision – any decision. We wait and hope that these men will “choose” us. It is not a fault of ours or anything to be ashamed of. I’m learning more and more as I get older and one of the most comforting things I am learning is that, it’s gonna be OK. If we can trust in ourselves (not just some dude) we will be okay. We only have one life and it’s so fragile. But it’s ours.
Astelle,
AHHHHH. I did the whole copy and paste thing. I believe it means to leave your options open in case something better comes along.
My x eum did break it off with me pretty quickly after he ran very hot and finally “got” me. He said we werent a match The thing was I talked him into giving it more time.,he agreed. We spent another month or so together then he broke it off saying he was too overwhelmed with work and financial problems to give me his all. He said it had nothing to do with me and he continued to say that through out the entire on and off thing.He then wanted to get back with me and strung me along on crumbs (which I treated as loafs) for a few more months until I finally ended it 2 weeks ago. Heres my question …did he string me along or was I doing it to myself? He also told me he Loved me one night which I suspect was to get sex. What do you all think?
Astelle,
I reread it.
It means if there is no commitment you can can get out easily.
Friends,
I am posting on this site again after quite some time.Actually since December I have been following the NC rule earnestly.Belive me,I was more peaceful and happy when I was following the same.Of course I did think about my EUM on and off,but I was disgusted with him.But I made the mistale of my life when last week I contacted him again.After that things have been the same as before.I find myself behaving in the same way that I used to before.Waiting for his calls,his insensitive texts..And he is still the same.I wonder why this pattern keeps emerging.I thought that after 2 months of NC,I had gotten over this amn..but no.I still harbour feelings for him…In fact now I am ashamed of myself.I cannot believe that I have ended up giving him the upper hand again in this relationship by actually contacting him..What do I do…
Brooke,
it takes what it takes. Do not beat yourself up.It took me 3 tries to finally leave it alone for good. I had to keep checking it out. I always made sure a part of me was treating it like an experiment. ( which it was!) I found that gave me some sense of control. Then when I had finally had enough and was done for myself, not a “should”, I ended it.I did it respectfully ( no drama.) There is a quote that helps me STAY away, it goes…….
“Success lies in being able to retreat at the right moment and in the right manner. The success is made possible by the fact that the retreat is not the forced flight of a weak person but the voluntary withdrawal of a strong one”
You can end it anytime you want. You can change your mind, and get out.
Good Luck!
Brooke,
I did the same thing…. it took me several tries, before I got it through my thick skull that the kind of relationship I want to have was never going to come from this man. And it hurt, but I finally, finally have stayed away to point where I got over the desire to just give it one more try. Hang in there, and try again. About a month ago, I saw the guy because he showed up somewhere I was, and I sent him a little note afterwards (after 2 months of NC) and right away, he was back into the games and the same old thing, and I cut it off immediately for good. I think, eventually, if you keep trying the NC, it will sink in that you need to just let go for (forever), but GETTING THERE ISN’T ALWAYS THE EASIEST. Keep reading the posts and the comments. So many great insighful women here!
Good luck,
Lisa
I’m a bit confused by the statement, “You’re waiting for him to make a decision about you, when you’ve already made a decision about him.” I read this in the sense that yes, I am waiting, because I want to be with him – so as illogical as I am being about wanting to be with someone who is a complete and total jerk to me – it does make sense to wait. Can someone try to explain NML’s words more clearly?
Anne,
Oh dear, please tell us you’re not waiting on this guy? Your story is one of the most sadistic stories I have read on this site, why would you want him back after the way he treated you?
Didn’t you say he was actively online, had at least one other girlfriend, lied repeatedly, was disrespectful, and has no intention of contacting you on the STD test? This guy is a complete loser and will only cause you and all his other ladies pain and misery. As yourself, what did he ever do for you?
Hon, you need to ask yourself why you want to be involved with someone who treated you so poorly?
No, Gaynor, I am not waiting on this guy. And, no, that was not me to whom you are referring in the second paragraph.
I am going through the steps of focusing on me, so that I don’t/won’t ever subject myself to an ambiguous man or situation again.
I’m hung up on trying to understand the question as it was posed. That’s all.
This site has been a Godsend for me. I want no more Assclowns in my life. I want the one’s who are no longer around to be out of my head as well.
Anne,
I’m sorry I confused you with another poster.
Good luck!!!
Stephen B ~ I agree with you except when it comes to men who are emotionally unavailable, commitment phoebes, or already committed to someone else just to name a few.
The men you are speaking about (those who can commit) aren’t being discussed on this site because the women those guys committed to are busy having a “normal” relationship. They are not blogging here.
I guess I question if you’ve been to this site before, or if you know why many of us post here.
At the moment I’m hanging on waiting for a guy that I’m ‘just friends’ with to make a move and wondering whats going on. He’s often around and attentive then disappears or expects me to do last minute stuff. A favourite trick is asking me out then seemingly changing his mind. He takes an old flame out every few weeks and is in daily contact with his ex wife that he’s been seperated from for 18 years. In fact, he introduced to her recently.From what he says he doesn’t see why on earth he should be divorced as he ‘did nothing wrong’. He sees me three to four times a week and we have great fun – we go on ‘dates’ where he pays for everything but there is no physical contact. The bells are ringing and the red flags are flying high…and I’m waiting to see if something will develop….comments please?
gemma, I went through exactly the same thing for 3 years–waiting for him to take it to the next level, and it never happened. My advice to you would be to be totally honest with him right now and tell him you have feelings for him and want things to progress beyond friendship. I never had the courage to tell my ex-EUM I had feelings for him, and I went through a lot of pain and heartache I could have avoided had I just been honest and upfront with him at the beginning. Don’t wait it out, and don’t read more into the relationship than what might really be there. It may be that he just wants your friendship only, and then you have to decide if that’s enough for you. Good luck!
Gemma, he’s not interested, but he’s content to use you for the ego boost. Run like the devil is chasing you. I’ve been in this exact same situations tooo many times and it always ends the same way. Run.
gemma, what sticks out for me is he said: From what he says he doesn’t see why on earth he should be divorced as he ‘did nothing wrong’. Ugh..
Now, why he is in daily contact with the ex wife and why the ex wife is in daily contact with him, that is beyond me.
I agree with Nikki, you are an ego boost for him. I am not so sure that he is not interested in you, I think he is not interested in any woman. But, he is too busy to find the woman he could be interested in, he spends 3-4 days with you, takes out an old flame every few weeks and talks to the ex wife daily – he is too busy.
Drop him quick, maybe one of the male readers have an idea what his deal is, he is too weird. Please don’t wait for him, he will never make a move, after 18 years he can’t understand why he is divorced?
Maybe he is still pining over the ex wife…
How long has this been going on with him and you?
@Betterwithouthim- Yes, I’m new here. I know that NML is talking about “emotionally unavailable” men, but unless they have some sort of disorder it has to end with someone. Some men never get to that place and go on “playing” through their middle age. I think that many of them eventually mature and get to the point where they know what and who they want.
Stephen, do you think that a man in his mid 50′s after 25 years of marriage will ever get there? He had these problems all of his life.
And you are right, unless they have some kind of disorder they will get there.
I believe some of these men have a disorder…
Gemma,
Your story sounds remarkably similar (well, except for the divorced bit) – but the same was happening for me and until I finally put my feelings out on the line and asked him to do the same. Then, all of a sudden, he was apologizing because he “hadn’t meant to give me the wrong impression”. We all know the difference between friends and more – he clearly either doesn’t or is hoping to blur the lines a bit for some reason of his own. I was rereading some of the posts from last year after I posted earlier and realized that at the end of the day, we’ll really never understand their motivations. Better to figure out your own motivations (I’m asking myself why spending so many months in limbo was okay for me) and spend time with someone who can be upfront with you as to what type of relationship they want – be it friendship or more.
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