Comments on: Why you’ll always be a Yo-Yo Girl if you don’t maintain the No Contact Rule

By: Dawn

Dawn — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:35:46 +0000

It’s been a painful, long and difficult process trying to make sense of the past several months of my life.
All the info on this website has been such a godsend for me. It is helping me learn about and understand exactly what type of relationship it is that i have been in. I am working on accepting the reality of that. Reading this article “why you will always be the yo-yo girl if you don’t maintain the No Contact Rule” has further opened my eyes. to my behavior and his. Now, I understand that my behavior is “Yo-Yo Girl” and he is behavior is the “Dog in the manger”. I am have been cutting back on contact little by little for months. I no longer see him anymore(finally-yes!) but I do still respond at times to him contacting me. I’ve had the most difficult time just cutting off all contact but I am hoping that the more I learn and accept that that’s what needs to be done to be fully clear of this that I WILL do it.

By: thruthhurts

thruthhurts — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 12:20:18 +0000

@ Sara, YES you should be creeped out by him admiring little girls. If you are not the victim of childabuse yourself (which in all honesty could cloud your judgement) you can be damn sure that your allarmbells donÂ´t go off for no reason. Ask yourself, would you have children with this man? Would you trust him alone with your daughter?
If not, what kind of a future or family life do you see with this man? Wether he is really a perv or not, if you donÂ´t trust him that is enough not to proceed.

By: thruthhurts

thruthhurts — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 12:04:15 +0000

Hi,

this is a very welcoming page to me since I was on the verge of becoming a yo-yo girl a few days ago.

I was seeing this EUM for a couple of months which is not a long time but it was really intense and also the first time I dealt with a EUM. This guy really confused me blowing hot and cold, standing me up, acting totally uninterested in me, turning my boundaries into “not caring” for him. For example, when I politely asked if he could pay a little more attention to our conversation instead of to the TV he replied that I should be happy that he is able to enjoy himself with a TVshow. (??) Never called when he said he would, instead sending some lame text. He never even appologized for standing me up but only said that it made HIM feel bad that he behaved this way.

As people said above, he displayed a total lack of empathy.

It really ate away at my selfesteem as I kept breaking my boundaries for him. In the end I couldnÂ´t take it anymore, I felt like a nervous wreck all the time waiting for a few crumbs to be thrown my way.
When I told him this he clearly stated that he wants a family and kids and he couldnÂ´t see that happening with me, I didnÂ´t have what it takes to be his wife and the mother of his children.

So he is an EUM who clouds his EUMness by saing he really wants a family and happily ever after. That hurt like hell. IÂ´d rather have him tell me that he didnÂ´t want a family to begin with.

Well, anyhow, I started reading here and felt like a blind man who suddenly saw light. ItÂ´s not me! ItÂ´s him! And I realized for the first time that my whole famil, especially my father and brother are EUMs ass well. So I have made some changes in those relationships as well. And am working hard trying to figure out what my selfesteem issues are and laying down some boundaries.

I had no contact with my EUM for 8 weeks but now he started texting me. First just a few ” how are yous” and after 3 of those I replied that I donÂ´t want him in my life. He then send email hat he really wants to talk to me in person to explain things and that he has a lot of feelings for me (what does that mean?).

So here I am, in the middle of a difficult struggle with myself and the relationships I have with almost everyone in my life and all I can think is “does he mean it? Has he changed?”

I thought about it for a few days and realized that I mostly want him to have changed so that I can say to myself that I donÂ´t have issues with selfesteem, that I wasnÂ´t wrong, I donÂ´t have to change myself and see my family for what it is, that this website is wrong and this was all a bad joke.

But I am no fool.I resent the fact that I have more issues than I thought I had and that I have to put a lot of effort in. But I canÂ´t deny that voice inside me no more. Eventhough somewhere in my head I just want the easy way out and a fairy tail ending my whole body screams that he is not to be trusted and IÂ´ll only end up hurt again. So I cut all contact again and deleted his number and blocked his email.

I canÂ´t go blind again after having seen.

By: gina

gina — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:11:11 +0000

Yeah, this makes sense. There was countless times when he tried to manage down my expectations. It left me very confused and felt helpless wondering what I was doing? But, in reality it was him who had nothing to offer and it was me who was in denial. Like one poster said in her childhood denial was a way of life, mine too. I just wasn’t handeling these situations because realistically I needed to heal. I will no longer be anyones fall back girl, yeah right!! I can recall a time when we were in the car and he was telling me he wasn’t ready to get married for a long time and he didnt want that, just very outright stated that… granted I was in my early twenties but I was so used to being accomindating to these assclowns… now I would be lke “and what do you have to offer… goodbye!” how dare I let a man treat me like that… I’m so grateful for knwing better and being better equipped but it starts out bc you are ready to get real about getting real.

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:50:55 +0000

Sara,

My only contact would be to the authorities.

By: sara

sara — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:31:56 +0000

Gaynor.. I was going to send his sister an email and tell her everything, and how disgusted I was, but than I realized that this was a form of “contact ” and thats why I didnt do it, as she has emailed me and asked me to be patiient with him, that he is having a hard time not knowing what he wants out of life… I ignored it. I have to cut all ties…but Im thinking of doing something and havent decided how to go about it..

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:31:49 +0000

Sara,

Do you really need to ask this question? Not only is this man a cheater and controlling but has a high probability of being a pedophile. That should say it all!!

By: sara

sara — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:25:07 +0000

Another thought I have had is.. was I being unfair in being creeped out because he admired little girls? but than I think about when we visited friends or relatives, which happened frequently he would immediately zero in on any “little girl” who was there, and follow her around and tickle her and tease her non stop… and talk baby talk to her and take so many pictures of her, I would have to say “STOP” enough already, you have enough pictures of her…

By: Gaynor

Gaynor — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:17:10 +0000

Sara,

Sick! I would inform the authorities on this guy’s sick behavior. I think when you have those feelings of loneliness you should remember he is a pedophile?

By: sara

sara — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:16:51 +0000

What I left out was, He, and his sister (whom he tells everything to) and he is on the phone long distance 3 to 4 times a week with her and his parents and they live 2000 miles away… The all blocked me off of thier facebooks ..I have met these people and his parents treated me very well…His sis only bothered with me if and when I was with her brother, other than that she ignored me…I will also wonder for the rest of my life… what the heck was wrong with me? why didnt I end it sooner.

By: sara

sara — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:09:18 +0000

It is 52 days since I decided, I was fed up with being the “yo yo” woman. Every day brings differant emotions. Im ok one day and crying the next, looking around at all the things he did for me in my home, outside my home, and even to buying me a tv, etc.. no end to his gift giving…Why he did that and cheated on me and lied is a mystery to me…This site has helped me so much , I read it every day to remind myself that a 5 yr relationship, of on and off, want you this week, or next month, than becoming cold and distant. this from a divorced man of 56 yrs old!! .I knew from word around town, that he would be with someone for a matter of weeks and it would be over..than he would charm his way back into my life… I said before and I will wonder forever why this man spent thousands of dollars on me, buying me things! His idea of a date was to walk around and shop till he dropped, I found out he took pills for no good reason, he smoked, and literally spent hrs shopping on line and emailing the women even on the buying sites.. I admit I snooped… and I think his financial situation will prob get pretty bad, What happened to really end it were some things I found out, and a habit that creeped me out, I found a series of sex emails, lots of them,to young girls, and others of all ages, and one of his sites said (teen pron) and over the last six months I noticed he stared at young girls, and mostly 3 to 4 yr. olds, He did this about ten times.. I spoke to him about it and all he said was, “well you are the only one who says that is creepy… I than decided to try and cut him out of my life, as he was starting to also raise his voice to me and try to control my clothes, my food, and made fun of me a few times….I agree with Brad on one point and that is if I run into him, I will not acknowledge that he is even there, I will if he approaches me give him the “steely look” I may go home and cry about it after but I will do it. This is the hardest thing Ive ever done in my life, I still feel lost, but now I have another feeling.. and that is I will get my self respect back .

By: Debs

Debs — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 18:20:28 +0000

i would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a very merry christmas. i hope you make your wishes wisely, and i hope they all come true. may you all have good health and people you enjoy around you. thnk you for being here for myself and everyone else you have helped.

merry christmas and happy 2009. xox

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:58:03 +0000

Ashley- I am certainly guilty of checking on the facebook profile as well. . .I did however unfriend and block him from viewing mine and I am going to stop checking his. . .it does nothing positive for me. I am struggling with no contact. . .I am certain I will not make contact with him but just thinking about ignoring him if we came face to face seems impossible. I decided last night I have to put it all away. . .The further he is from my mind the better. . .I am going to take every picture, old t-shirt, gift box it all up and put it far back in my closet. I hope one day this will all be such a ridiculous distant memory that when I happen upon the box again I will just laugh at the whole thing and say “what was I thinking”? . . . I am doing the “new” guy thing too. It is nice knowing I have so many other options out there but also difficult to step into the unknown when I was so comfortable and used to someone else. I thought about buying my new guy a gift for christmas the other day but as I was looking I just kept picking up things that my EUM would have liked. . .I just couldnt do it. I left the store and decided Im not ready for that kind of relationship again and that I want to keep some distance from this new relationship moving too quickly. It is nice to have the distraction though and what is probably the strangest part of it all is that this “new” guys behavior really opened up my eyes to how badly my EUM really treated me. The difference in the amount of affection and respect is pathetic. . .I hope that this clarity will continue and over shadow how much I miss him. It feels like it really is “it” this time. . .I just keep telling myself. . .”I wont fail, I can’t fail at this”. . .hey. it worked when i quit smoking. . .its just another unhealthy addiction that adds nothing to my life.

Brad- Thanks for the flip on that thought. You are right thinking about it as my choice makes it much more empowering and positive rather then a loss.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 11:24:17 +0000

I hear everyone in what they are saying about Facebook and agree that viewing his profile counts as contact. So – ok – I’ve done 5 days of “no contact”.

Accepting was a good thing because it allowed me to finally force myself to see him for who he really is. Before I’d listen to his excuses and flattery and would believe it. Now I get to see who he’s friends with, a friends told me about the message he sent to her and, there is just no way for me to live in denial anymore.

In any event, he and I did not have a real relationship and it was more of a friendship that I pushed into something more. He went along with it after a lot of flirtation and my essentially provoking him to start dating me. I know this sounds like I am taking all the blame. Fact is, had I listened to him say – I am not a good boyfriend, and I think we should just be friends – I would have never wasted my time on him for nearly three years.

What’s done is done and I am moving on.

I see that if I don’t plan on having contact with him ever again, then there is no reason to have him as a friend on Facebook.

I do still hope that we can have casual contact and that I can just put this all behind me. I will never be with him again physically, nor do I or will I ever again think of him as a potential romantic companion.

Yes, I realize that the above is probably not possible. I realize that I probably will delete him as a friend on Facebook in the upcoming weeks/months. However, I’m not ready yet. If I were to delete him now, I think I might regret it and go back to regular contact. If I just leave him there, not look now, I’ll delete when I am ready. Writing this, I can understand if you read this and not think it makes sense.

We have a lot of friends and business colleagues in common. Can’t I just move onto a healthier life without him without having to do something so dramatic as deleting him from everything? As long as he doesn’t affect me – I’m thinking that should be ok. Again, I am not sure if it’s possible to have someone like him never affect me emotionally, but, I am willing to give the theory a try.

Oh – writing this all makes it sound like too much effort even to me. I’m curious if anyone has experienced something similar and what was the result?

By: Debs

Debs — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:07:24 +0000

what a weekend he made contact every few hours over trivial things, texts phone calls and actually coming to the door. i answered the texts politely but coldly, everything else i ignored. i even stood at the window where he couldn’t see me and watched him knocking my door, i didnt answer though.

i found the whole thing very difficult, because my mind began to race and run away with me.

i just feel so confused. what does he really want.