So - my comment on the “diareha of the mouth talking about an unhealthy relationship” is that - when you cut out the talk - if it’s an unhealthy relationship with an EUM - you are left with - nothing.
Maybe it’s all the “talk” that keeps us there. Keeps us hoping things can change for the better.

An odd thing happened to me with my EUM-freind, I found I had the ability to write, volumes, coherant, like preaching to a lost lamby-childe, trying to get him to quit whining, take resposibility for his happiness, get over his fears, note his avoidance..etc etcc

and yes, just like ashley said, take that away andf there was not much else, he did like to listen, but not take anything I said to action

I will say one thing. All that time I was writing I was astounded by how much I grew to know my own strengths and weaknesses, by writing to him. A lot can be learned by difficult people, that which does not kill us, makes us wiser and stronger.

Still, he always left me…empty, and sadly, I came to believe that it was because he is empty, and a clown, and an ass.

Love this site, it is awesome.

I love your post!!! I used to “explain my feelings” to my EUM for 8 months and he didnt pay any attention….he didnt really care that I was unhappy with our relationship, and he didnt change and do anything!

So three weeks ago - I dumped him without any explanations and feel much better!!!

Escandor - приветик!!!!!

Why should I waist my time for assclown like him?

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de la Chance!

But is leaving the only solution? Nothing can be done to save the realtionship??

i recieved you mail last night, thank you sso much for taking the time. I don’t even thing about the ex eum anymore, moved on and happy.

I love this post, thank you so much.

Reading everyones comments I wondered what I could write,you all seem to have
written it for me I decided to write about my new flatmate. She’s 25 sassy and empowered. I’m 45 and still trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong. I watch her and I learn. She met up with this very cute guy and he was all over her for a couple of weeks, then she realized everytime they went out he would open up a bag of drugs…hmmm she said to me ‘red flag one! then she asked him not to contact her for two days cause she had some intense deadline (and I know she did) she needed to get down and concentrate 24hrs to get the work load done. when she turned her phone on halfway through the work there were something like 17 messages from him, some drunk, then he turned up at the door. She went out with him but came home furious, she said he had not respected or listened to her needs. The next day she called him and said… “strike three you’re out”!! She never mentioned or spoke of him again and was out the next night finding someone more suitable. I like the strike three rule and have put it into practice. Three redflags and they are out!

I’m so glad she is in my life watching her took my attention off assman and just being her cheering audience gives me power and a refreshing look at how we don’t have to be the victim. We can do to them as they do unto us.

xx keep strong find someone that gives them what they deserve, watch laugh and learn and stop wasting time on time wasters, life is too short!!

xx De

She is not better than me but I beat myself up daily wondering about this. Why her and not me? Maybe he has found his happiness and I just wasn’t it. Can a man go from “no strings” to wanting the real deal with someone else? I suppose he can. He is a waste of my time and energy. It is my self-esteem that is damaged.

I know the answer.. it’s NO. he’s not.. he’s not giving her what he gave you.. He’s on his best behaviour and eventually he’ll go back to his emotionally ill equipt ways.. but he’s putting his best foot forward now.. trying to impress her and have her in the same trance that WE were in..

Still sucks… that feeling..knawing at your stomach.. and heart.. waking you up at nite.. Yea.. I understand.. You’re not alone.

I have a question for all of you. My ex-EUM was a total assclown - to me. He has a new woman now and it appears he is quite nice and decent to her. Drives me crazy and I am totally over-thinking this and trying to figure out if he changed or if there is something just so special about her that he can be good to her but he couldn’t to me.

Now I am not a delusional 300lb toothless troll that thinks I look like Elle McPherson — but I look just fine, no one has ever complained about the sex, I have manners, work at a college, own my own home and have a great sense of humor. Yet he was never interested in having an actual relationship with me and that is why I quit the whole thing. I am still very attracted to him physically.

I doubt these assclowns actually change but what is going on when they appear to treat the next woman great? I see him all the time and it is like a slap in the face. I was a doormat but this woman is a prize? Does make sense since she is still married (hubby #2) and recently filed bankruptcy. She is nice enough but I can’t for the life of me figure out why her and not me.

I have learnt that with EMU men, they really just don’t have the emotional intelligence to GET IT anyway, so there is no point in wasting your precious time and energy on trying to discuss the relationship or trying to fix them or be their therapist…I’ve tried it ALL and it HAS cost me my health, and at times almost my sanity!

I am learning to put myself first now…healthy and happy relationships should not be this stressful and difficult.

The only thing that you did “wrong” was making contact with him over and over and him just blowing you off.

We’ve all been there. Please do not apologize and please don’t lambast him, at least to his face. You can lambast him on this site, in your journaling and with your friends who are willing to listen. He has c learly told you by his actions, inactions and words, he is not interested in having a relationship with you. Even though you do not feel strong about this inside yourself, act as though you are strong and do not contact him at all in any way. Not directly and not through mutual friends. Don’t text, don’t e-mail, don’t call.
When my EUM dumped me he just moved on. He was back dating on internet sites not even 24 hours later, and we were living together, sorta, had been together close to two years, and my mom had just died. He didn’t care.
We saw one another about two months later to return stuff to each other. He looked me in the eye and said “I feel nothing to you and never really loved you.”
Its hard to fathom how this sort of human being exists, and its hard to figure out your guy and how they think and feel. So read everything you can Natalie has written on these boards, read her books, and don’t contact him. Just dont.
Hugs to you, Wendy