Being with an attached or married man. Take it from the many millions of women who continue to bark up the wrong tree – It is the exception, not the rule for it to work out for The Other Woman. You might think his story or your situation is unique – It’s not. It’s the oldest, non-existent fairy tale.
Sex with your ex. Unless you’ve managed to have the emotional capacity of a stone, all you’re doing is stirring up old emotions and building fluffy castles in the sky. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and if you’re sleeping with him outside of a relationship, it begs the question: Why buy the cow when you can drink the milk for free?
Being a long term booty call. You may think that it’s leading somewhere or that if you spend just a little more time sexing him that he’ll suddenly realise what a sparkling personality you have. He won’t – He needed to figure that out before he started flexing his dialing finger for a shag.
Putting dicks before chicks. Get it through your head. When you will do anything in the name of a man or getting some, to the point where you will screw over a friend, family, or whichever woman to get your way, remember that karma is a bitch. Men that know you’ll screw over the world to screw him, also recognise that they can pretty much do what they want with you.
Being a bitch to your friends. Put more than two women together and at some point, it’s gonna get heavy. We make a rod for our own backs with sniping, bitching, back stabbing, two faced antics and general high school behaviour. Just check out the UK Big Brother to see how dangerous it is to have so many women together. It’s embarrassing. Sisterhood has many benefits and when you enjoy them, you’re not so quick to forsake everything for men that aren’t worth it!
Revenge. I know, I know. He’s a bastard. Or she’s screwed you over. But trust me, the sweet feeling of payback will dissipate rather quickly whether or not you end up on the wrong side of the law. If they know what you’ve done, they normally take the opportunity to take the high road and write you off as the psycho they’re delighted to have got shot of! Be the bigger and the better person.
Emotionally unavailable men. Yet another type of man that women love to bark up the wrong tree with. This guy has a vacancy sign where his emotions should be. No good will come of this. Stop trying to be there, to heal him, to fix him and start trying to fix yourself. This guy is so disconnected from himself and you, he’s become used to listening to the flatlining sound in his ear.
Pretending to be men in the workplace. What’s the point in striving for equality with men if you have to pretend to be a man and grow some proverbial nuts?
Fixer Uppers. Houses are for D.I.Y jobs, not men. What is the point in being with a guy only for you to treat him like a pet project that you’re trying to change? Either accept him as he is, or find a man that you don’t need to fix up!
“Putting dicks before chicks. Seems like this one might be a bit too focused.
Anytime you have to conceal or hide amything, or deceive or trick anyone, to keep your bed-buddy, you should probably stop and think. You might be breaking laws or promises. A good partner should help you meet all your obligations, not break them. If you hide someone or something in your life from friends, family, or work, doesn’t that mean you are lying to yourself about what is right, and what is good?
In other words, if he wants in your life, he will help you make room. If he only wants in your pants, he doesn’t expect to help pick up whatever pieces get scattered, pieces of lives, families, hearts, or promises.
Thanks, NML. Good list!
Grace
on 21/06/2007 at 7:43 am
i LOVE your writing. you really have style. AND of course CONTENT!
i really appreciate your articles, but this is an especially good one (I guess that means that i recognise its relevance to ME!)
thank you.
Johnny Fuery
on 21/06/2007 at 9:10 am
“Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?”
Nope. Nope. And nope. If you’re being a doormat, then by all means, grow a backbone.
But using sex as a weapon is a big no-no, ladies. And guess what? It often backfires.
I wrote a funny piece on this very topic last year:
dirty filthy princess
on 22/06/2007 at 12:19 am
yep. yep. yep. I totally agree with this stuff.
I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.
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“Putting dicks before chicks. Seems like this one might be a bit too focused.
Anytime you have to conceal or hide amything, or deceive or trick anyone, to keep your bed-buddy, you should probably stop and think. You might be breaking laws or promises. A good partner should help you meet all your obligations, not break them. If you hide someone or something in your life from friends, family, or work, doesn’t that mean you are lying to yourself about what is right, and what is good?
In other words, if he wants in your life, he will help you make room. If he only wants in your pants, he doesn’t expect to help pick up whatever pieces get scattered, pieces of lives, families, hearts, or promises.
Thanks, NML. Good list!
i LOVE your writing. you really have style. AND of course CONTENT!
i really appreciate your articles, but this is an especially good one (I guess that means that i recognise its relevance to ME!)
thank you.
“Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?”
Nope. Nope. And nope. If you’re being a doormat, then by all means, grow a backbone.
But using sex as a weapon is a big no-no, ladies. And guess what? It often backfires.
I wrote a funny piece on this very topic last year:
yep. yep. yep. I totally agree with this stuff.