What is it about certain women that makes us fall repeatedly for the same type of man? Mr Bastard, Mr Unavailable, Mr Workaholic, Mr. Fuckwit. I think we’ve all made the mistake at least once. But when is it that we can genuinely say that we are stuck in a rut?
I don’t think it’s about counting the number of failed relationships, merely looking back over how ever many of them there have been and looking for the pattern. Trust me, there will be one!
In my case, I always seem to choose men about whom I want to change something. First there was the bad boy who liked to smack me around – well it’s fairly obvious what I wanted to change there! Of course I didn’t know he was abusive when I started to see him, but I did know he was aggressive and a total womaniser. I failed miserably and my next serious relationship was all about rebuilding my self esteem. I dated a guy who was about as tough as a wet paper bag, and a total coward! Talk about extremes. Looking back though I know I tried to change him, tried to make him more of what I thought a man should be.
I’ve fallen in love with married men, mummy’s boys, workaholics, lazy layabouts, commitment-phobe’s, womanisers and even a foreigner! Each one of them was wrong for me in a different way, but every one had something about them I wanted to change.
I see a lot of women around me getting involved in highly inappropriate office romances, often with their boss (yes I’ve done that too!) and it all ends in tears. Strangely the tears never seem to be gracing the Clinique moisturised cheeks of the resident office playboy – just his latest plaything.
What makes us susceptible to the profound and ridiculous stories these men will tell us just to get into our knickers? As I get older I wonder if perhaps it’s the pressure applied by the media (and in my case my mother) to find a man and settle down to provide grandchildren.
I was flicking through magazines at a local newsagents in my lunch hour last week and I saw an article that just screamed at me “Single and 30? – Do something about it!” Hmm, no wonder I feel pressured. Then there was another that said “I lost 30 pounds and gained a husband” Ahh, if only I’d known that just being thinner was the key to wedded bliss.
Isn’t it time we recognised our own relationship patterns? Being single is nothing to be ashamed of, it certainly beats being in a relationship where you are second best to everything else in his life. I’m no longer prepared to accept the scraps that these losers are happy to throw me, if I can’t have the best (which we all deserve) then I’ll stay single, and happy!!
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