It’s incredibly frustrating and even demoralising when you feel as if you’ve been taking a variety of routes and yet you keep winding up at the same destination – disappointed and in pain. I hear from so many people who have that Groundhog Day feeling and who in some instances have gone out of their way to date or engage with opposite people to the last time, only to find that the same issues keep cropping up. You begin to feel as if you’re a “magnet” for this stuff or that you’re having an extended run of bad luck and it can really do a number on your self-image and self-esteem. While you could give up or decide to wait around to catch a break, what you really need to do is empower you with self-awareness and self-knowledge so that you can break your pattern and move on from this cycle.

Patterns are what happen when you’re living unconsciously so when you shine a light of awareness on the habits of thinking and behaviour that have been contributing to your pattern, not only are you already making a significant shift but you are in a position to take command of you and your present and future happiness by consciously choosing your next thoughts and actions in situations where you’ve gone into autopilot.




That’s where I come in. The Pattern Breaker is an 8-week program teaching concepts that increase emotional and relationship literacy so that you can identify and break patterns of thinking and behaviour that are keeping you stuck in a Disappointment Cycle and depressing your sense of self. Aimed at people who have a pattern of unhealthy relationships and/or who have low self-esteem and who ultimately want to break their cycle, The Pattern Breaker will lovingly take you out of your uncomfortable comfort zone into a zone where you’re supporting you with love, care, trust, and respect.


Break your pattern | Get to know you | Increase your confidence | Make conscious choices


The way that you think about you affects the way you feel as well as what you do. Getting conscious about your habits of thinking and behaviour is pivotal if you truly want to stop being overwhelmed by fear or waking up in your own version of Groundhog Day. The Pattern Breaker will challenge you to not only evaluate the story you’ve been narrating about your experiences and who you are, but to also rewrite it so that you get conscious and stop using the same ‘ole reasoning habits to keep you down.

Comprised of eight modules that take you through the basics of understanding patterns and habits, to understanding the influence of early and past experiences, to demystifying positive and negative associations as well as your ‘reasoning habits’ (beliefs), through to doing the work to change your associations and transform your beliefs and habits, The Pattern Breaker is a transformative ecourse that will increase your self-awareness and self-knowledge.

Using a mix of classes (reading, video, and audio) as well as worksheets and workbooks (Self Sheets) that encourage you to draw on your inner strengths and qualities which already exist but are not being fully recognised and utilised, plus supporting resources, I’ve put together a wealth of comprehensive, empowering, thought-provoking course material that will get you out of stuck.

The Pattern Breaker enables you to ‘DIY’ alongside anything else you may be doing to help you grow, such as therapy and support groups. The great thing is that because it’s DIY, if you’re ready to have an honest conversation with you (don’t worry, I can help with that too), you can take charge of your journey’s pace.

Like all Baggage Reclaim School courses, The Pattern Breaker’s goal is to increase self-knowledge and self-awareness so that you can reclaim your true self and learn to regard and treat you with the love, care, trust and respect that you deserve. The course includes a year’s access as well as optional lifetime access to the private and secret Facebook group which many students find invaluable due to its supportive, collaborative and inspiring atmosphere, plus gain access to exclusive library content that’s unavailable to the public including recordings of webinars, bonus classes, and mini ebooks. Students of BR School also receive a student discount in the Baggage Reclaim shop as well as on other courses plus gain access to feedback from me via email, comments or via the Facebook group.

When: The Pattern Breaker is a self-study course so when you sign up, you can get started within the hour (normally, much quicker than that!)

Price: £99. Instalment options are available at the checkout – you can spread the payment over three months.


Terms & Conditions of Booking eCourses


For over 9 years, I’ve taught and inspired people through this site (Baggage Reclaim), my books, talks and ecourses, to declutter their excess emotional baggage, to get smart about healthy relationships so that they can break ties with unhealthy ones, and to also improve their self-esteem. Read by almost 600K people a month, I’ve used my own experiences of breaking my pattern of low self-esteem, daddy issues, mommy issues, family issues, codependency, unavailable relationships, fear of failure and people pleasing (to name but a few haha) as well as my astute observations on human behaviour and interpersonal relationships, to empower people who often feel as if they have no options, to discover that they have so much more to give.

  • Break a cycle of unhealthy relationships
  • Gain a deeper understanding of why you’re doing, feeling and thinking certain things
  • Identify and tackle your blocks to change
  • Work out which habits need to be dropped or adapted

The Pattern Breaker eCourse is an extensive investigation into the self. Along the way, you will be gathering up lots of information and ‘clues’, laying it out, looking for the similarities. When you have a pattern, you will see that certain actions, situations and dynamics form part of a regular sequence and that you have very specific reasons and perceived ‘payoffs’ for continuing the cycle.

There eight modules released over 8 weeks with a 1 week break between modules four and five.

  • Module 1 Patterns & Habits – An Introduction
  • Module 2 Origins
  • Module 3 Positive & Negative Associations
  • Module 4 Uncovering Your Beliefs
  • Module 5 Piecing It All Together
  • Module 6 Adapting Responses
  • Module 7 Releasing Fear
  • Module 8 Self-Management

This self-paced course is very much workbook, worksheets, and journaling based, and every week for eight weeks, new content is released to help you delve further into your pattern and get conscious.

Along with workbooks and worksheets (‘self sheets’ and journaling guides), classes in blog post, video, and audio formats are available on the password protected site.

Module tasks help you to form a conclusion on what you’ve discovered that week and to help you put together a bigger picture.

The Pattern Breaker is a healing journey that will support other work you may be doing to improve your life and ground you in habits that will enable you to come from a place of love, care, trust, and respect. Use information you already possess but don’t currently recognise or understand, to change the narrative that’s been running in the background of your life. If you’ve been thinking that you’ve already learned lessons, you’ve been taking away the wrong messages, likely very negative judgements that you’ve made about you. Using my own experience of breaking my pattern as well as everything I’ve learned from helping thousands of people over the past 9 years in spotting sequences of behaviour and thinking that they don’t even realise, I’ve put together my knowledge to create course material and resources to help you cut through the fluff and drop the excess baggage out of your life so that you can reclaim you.



Terms & Conditions of Booking eCourses

The Pattern Breaker, like all BR School courses, is aimed at people who have a genuine desire to break free from unhealthy habits of thinking and behaviour that result in loss of self or not ever truly knowing who they really are, as well as those who have that sense of the past being on repeat. BR students tend to be action-orientated or want to learn how to be. They’re at that point where they’re willing to reflect, willing to learn, and willing to get uncomfortable… but in a good way. It’s the discomfort that comes from change. BR students come from all walks of life and are at different stages in their personal development.

If any of the following patterns are familiar, you will find the course very beneficial.

  • You have been in the same types of relationship with different people.
  • You are stuck in The Disappointment Cycle.
  • You’ve thought that you were doing the opposite of last time or choosing someone the opposite of a previous partner and are bewildered as to why you’ve wound up in the same situation.
  • You have a tendency to be with married/attached people or engage in fantasy relationship or in any other unavailable relationships.
  • You’ve felt like you’re ‘addicted’ to someone and may even feel that you have abandonment issues.
  • You fix/heal/help people – Florence Nightingale – and are unwittingly or possibly very consciously, trying to right the wrongs of the past.
  • You’re a People Pleaser.
  • You’re a perfectionist and a blame absorber, often berating and punishing you over mistakes and the past for long periods of time.
  • You feel the same or similar in a variety of situations – ‘not good enough’ or ‘left out’ which may also cause you to fly below the radar in your own life and dodge stretching yourself.
  • You’ve been married more than once or in several long-term relationships yet you’re still racing into a new relationship and looking to have the same level of commitment even if you don’t know them.
  • You want to be in a long-term relationship but find yourself in short-term relationships.
  • You put the sex cart before the relationship horse.
  • You want to deal with your past so that you can move forward.
  • You’re the type of person that it’s not enough to know that something isn’t working for you.


Is there anyone that The Pattern Breaker / Baggage Reclaim School isn’t suitable for?

Like anything, The Pattern Breaker/BR School isn’t going to suit ‘everyone’ and it’s not supposed to. If you think I talk a load of guff here on Baggage Reclaim, it’s definitely not for you, or if you’re someone who is decidedly sceptical and resistant to changing your position or perspective, you’re not ready although you may be one day. Check out the posts on the blog, or visit the downloads page and take my Unsent Letter Guide or Get Out Of Stuck email series to get a sense of my ethos.

I’ve devoured a mountain of self-help/psychology/relationships/-stuff. Nothing I’ve read comes close to the benefit I got from Natalie’s blog/books/courses, and this goes way beyond relationships! The most useful and practical system of advice I’ve come across.” Teddy, Switzerland

“These classes are deep. They force me to look at the stuff I’ve been glossing over. BR school has helped me to be proactive with my life; that I set the course for my life – it’s not up to a guy to do that. This class has been revolutionary for my mind, my way of thinking. I have become a bit more grounded, and actually am getting on the long road of self acceptance. Priceless!!” Delores, USA

“Going through the BSE course is like swallowing the red pill in the Matrix: it wrenches you out of your comfortable illusions and puts you into reality, which is not all rosy but this is your one chance to build a happy life. I think it is so powerful precisely because it so honest about how much work and time it takes to change your patterns. It shows that you have all it takes to have healthy self-esteem and to be happy, you just need to work real hard, ever day, without magic. Every class is a discovery, even though I’ve been through oceans of self-help literature and years of introspection before. But for every issue where I felt trapped and cornered, the course gave me a new angle and some really practical tips. It prompts you to act, rather than just read and theorise about things. And in these first steps I am taking, it gives so much practical support: the exercises, the manuals, the worksheets, the support group, and invaluable personal feedback from Natalie. It is a fantastic resource. I will never find a way to thank Natalie enough.” Katya, Ukraine

“The knowledge I have gained about myself through the Build Your Self-Esteem Course, has opened my eyes to my part in dysfunctional relationships with compassion and forced me to shed my victim coat and be the driver of my life.” Annmarie, UK

“After years of struggle trying to break negative cycles and heal the hurt from my past via many mystical routes, the Build Your Self-Esteem course has come along to rip me out of the fantasy realm with a healthy dose of reality and tough (but compassionate) love. Natalie gets inside your head and challenges your false beliefs so you can’t help but gain a different perspective. The homework exercises create lasting building blocks for a new life of self-knowledge and self-love. I am so thankful I found Natalie and Baggage Reclaim, and this class is the best gift I have ever given myself. I will never abandon me again!” Chirsty, USA

“The Build Your Self-Esteem course was a godsend. It forced me to really look at myself and my past relationships from a different, healthier perspective, or in other words, it forced me to stop daydreaming and to take off my rose tinted glasses. I now finally see things as they were and as they are. It’s really challenging and painful at times, but it pays off in the long run. Natalie’s feedback was the most straightforward and realistic I’ve ever received from any therapist. It helped a lot.” BR Student based in Slovenia.

“The Pattern Breaker and Self-Esteem course have been the equivalent of a massage for my thoughts and emotions. Uncovering knots I didn’t know were there and massaging through the pain to a place of release and calm. I am a work in progress but I now feel equipped with the tools I need to address life and relationships in a healthier way. I can’t express how grateful I am.” Nicky, UK

“Baggage Reclaim has helped me to face my doubts about my past relationship head on; answered many of my questions about relationships and made me realise that my experiences as the Other Woman was not different from other women out there. It has helped me maintain my sanity; stopped me from questioning my worth as an individual and has encouraged me to pick up and move on without compromising my values and damaging my self-esteem any further. Natalie writes from a very realistic, thought-provoking perspective and gives a much needed refreshing approach to relationships. I will be ever grateful to her and BR for getting me out of the dump that I was in and for helping me to understand that there is so much more to life that than one person who is simply just not that special!” RM, Trinidad

“The Build Your Self-Esteem course provided insight into patterns that kept sabotaging my belief in myself and my happiness. After trying to resolve my low self-esteem for years, this course helped me see clearly how my view of myself as unworthy and ‘less than’ was playing out in my relationship choices and in the level of behavior I was accepting in relationship.” Kim, USA

“The self-esteem course for me was the missing piece of the puzzle and is helping me become a whole, healthier person. It’s like you, Natalie, reached into my brain, saw exactly what I was dealing with, helped me understand it and now I am on track to fix it. A whole new world is opening for me. I will be stronger because of you, the class and everyone in the Facebook group.” Amy, USA

Is it just 8-weeks access? 

Your course fee covers you for 12 months of access (unless you’ve purchased lifetime access). This means that you have access to the material for this period and you can also choose to take part in any active Pattern Breaker classes that take place during this period – some students like to get the weekly class emails to help them stay on track and so do the course a few times, and others like to dip in and out after taking the course and ‘top up’. New material is added throughout the year plus there’s a lot of access to me, something that isn’t possible outside of the school.

I live in ________ which is a totally different timezone. How will the timings work? 

95% of the course is all down to you and on your schedule. Occasionally there are bonus live classes or Question Time sessions but basically, set your pace and time. If there is a ‘live’ event (webinar), it tends to be on a Tuesday or Wednesday but this is dependent on the makeup of each class plus, ultimately, recordings are made available.

Do you accept payments in all currencies? 

Yes, it should do it automatically at the checkout but do advise if you experience any difficulties.

Do you need to have a Paypal account in order to pay? 

No, you can pay via card or via Paypal ID. Your card details are not disclosed to Baggage Reclaim during the order process nor are they stored.

Do you do gift certificates? 

If you would like to give a course as a gift (very nice of you!), please make a note on the order and we will liaise with you to do a transfer. If in doubt, drop an email to team AT after making your purchase and let us know who the recipient is.

I want to do more than one course – can you do a discount for me? 

Yes. Please note though that you can only book onto another course, if that course is in session. I would also suggest, especially if you think that you’re likely to feel a bit overloaded, that you either only book one course, or book both but defer the other either straight away or further down the line.

Do I need to use my full name? 

On the order yes, but when the course opens, you can use whatever username you like. You have full control over what displays.

When will I receive login information? 

You will receive your username and password at least 5 days before your course starts unless you’re starting

Does this require a lot of time?

You can put in as much or as little as you like. It’s a course, but it’s not as if you’re getting a degree. You don’t have to do group stuff for instance, but for your own benefit, I would try to make use of as much of the course as possible, although you can do it at your own pace. I can only give you feedback or respond to queries that you send in / post.

I’m broke but I really want to do the course. 

I recognise that not everyone can afford the course but that everyone needs self-esteem and that some of us need some help breaking out of old habits. Obviously, I cannot give scholarships to everyone but I do give several scholarships on every course. Of course, scholarships are valuable so I want to put a process in place that ensures that scholarships go to those who most need it/will make the most of it. If you are a student or are struggling financially, a student discount and partial scholarships will also be available. There are also instalment options available at the checkout if it’s coming down to not being able to pay in full but actually being able to afford it. For further details, please email team AT

What do I need in order to do the course? 

As long as you have internet, access to email, a notebook/journal, you can take part. Oh and bring a strong desire to do things differently. And trusty Post-It notes, for scribbles and ‘Punchbulb Moments’ – lightbulb moments that punch you in the head. Post-Its are also great for working out patterns.

How does online learning work?

Baggage Reclaim School is a private site (separate to, which has a mix of learning content – written, audio, video, worksheets ‘self sheets’, workbooks, ebooks etc. For the flagship courses (Build Your Self-Esteem, Reclaiming You, The No Contact Rule and The Pattern Breaker), these involve an element of feedback from your instructor, Natalie. All you need to access the course material is a decent internet connection and an up-to-date browser like Firefox, Safari or Google Chrome.

Is there a set time when I need to sign in?

Nope. This is self-paced so show up whenever you like and read as much or as little as you like. This isn’t a live course because students are from all over the globe and of course have their own lives and schedules. Content is dripped out week by week so as not to overwhelm and unless otherwise specified, Monday is the day when new content is added. Access when it’s convenient to you. The only time there is ever a set time is if you want to attend a ‘live class’ and these account for less than 5% of the course and are an ‘extra’ that you’re not obliged to attend. They’re also recorded, so again, access at a time that is convenient to you. Each week, you will receive an email with an overview of the material that’s just been added.

How do I access my course material?

Normally within 7 days of your course date, you will receive your login information along with the link for accessing your course page. On the day your course is due to start, you will receive another email notifying you that your course is live. You can log in at once you have been set up and it will automatically show your course page. If you are on more than one course, you can access additional courses from your dashboard.

How do I interact with Natalie and fellow students?

The comments are open on most posts and normally from week 2-3 of each course there are topic-focused clinics to facilitate discussion around a topic and take a collaborative approach to problem-solving and support. There is a private and secret Facebook group (no one outside of the group can see what you post or even that you’re a member).

Will I be ‘graded’?

Erm, no. This is a learning environment but there are no exams. This is about the journey, not the destination.

Can you tell me more about what I can expect to find when I log in?

You should arrive at your course page. During your course you can watch videos, read course materials, view slide shows, listen to audio, download workbooks, worksheets and ebooks. You will be pointed to housekeeping tasks, you can check out any available bonus material, and if your course has started, you will be able to access that week’s module.

How do I get technical help?

There are guidelines for reporting technical issues over at Baggage Reclaim School – if you use these, issues are normally resolved in seconds and minutes. Information on how to do this is on the BR School site.

Will there be more courses?


How often are courses offered?

The flagship courses will run 3-5 times a year. Others are self-study and you can start whenever you’re ready.

Do I need special software to do this course?

No. What you do need is an up to date internet browser like Safari, Google Chrome or Firefox and a decent internet connection, especially if you’re watching videos or dialling in to a live class. Courses are compatible with PCs and Macs and can also be ready on most mobile devices.

How long do I have access for?

You have 12 months of access unless you are a lifetime access member.