A few days ago, I spent about an hour catching up with one of my closest friends who lives overseas. Amongst the many things we have in common, we share a chequered dating past. Between the two of us we managed to date some really atrocious men! We’ve both had our dark moments and we both readily admit that it took quite a while to get over our worst choices and betrayals, but do you know what? We were in hysterics laughing as we ‘reminisced’.
In the past we’ve both been though the blaming ourselves or just feeling completely mortified that we would even have found ourselves in our situations, but the reactions whilst understandable to an extent, were a waste and if we had focused on those feelings, we’d never have moved forward.
At the end of the day, it’s better to have loved misguidedly and got the frick out than it is to have continued to stick at a poor relationship in a death do us part, I’m gonna make you love me if it kills me mentality.
In facing the truth about where we’ve been, what we’ve been doing, and who we are or think we are, it’s not so that you can flog the crap out of yourself with self hate and blame, it’s to galvanise you into taking action.
To dine off blame and hate is to drown yourself in negativity because at the end of the day, if you’re still struggling to get past something that has happened or a guy that is clearly an assclown, by obsessing about this, it’s because you are going over and over in your head what you said and did so that you can blame yourself even more and stay invested. Now whilst we all probably go through a little period of doing this, what is the point in doing this over an extended period of time?
Remember that these are just more things that we do to delay the inevitable and waste time and the worst thing about this, is you’re the only one standing still and these men are getting on with their own lives.
I believe that when we finally see the light about these men, they serve as overgrown, manchild tools to guide us to a far more positive, healthier place…that doesn’t include them, or the blame or the hate for that matter.
Whatever has happened, at some point, you need to forgive yourself. Forgive you. The sooner you do this, the sooner many of these things recede into the distance and you actually like and love yourself.
Have a good weekend,
My new book How to Lose an Assclown in 90 Days is due out next week but if you want to get ahead on understanding waste of space men, there is also my ebook, Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and download.