This week as I was talking to various Fallback Girl readers, I was reminded of this quote from one of my favourite films, As Good As It Gets.

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

Hilarious! But at the time when the film was made, he clearly wasn’t aware that there is such a thing as Mr Unavailable – a man full of hot air, fickleness, an over-inflated ego that masks low self-esteem, warped logic, and a complete absence of accountability.

It is because women tend to seek answers (and solutions) to their relationship problems that we are far more likely to apply reason and step up and eat some accountability pie.

Unfortunately, there is many a Mr Unavailable who will continue to bumble through life thinking that he is Mr Wonderful who’s just been living in the moment and can’t help the fact that women fall for him, when in actual fact, he’s Mr Avoid Like the Plague who lives in the moment because he’s thoughtless.

The whole Drama Seeking thing is something that can be brought under control. The harsh reality is that if you don’t harness your inner Drama Seeker and deal with your fears, Mr Unavailable and any other Tom, Dick, and Harry that feels like catering to all your fears and creating plenty of drama, really will be as good as it gets for you, and I KNOW you don’t want to live like this forever more!

So, here are some more quick tips.

Learn to walk away and calm yourself down. You know when you’re about to go into meltdown, hence rather than give into the feeling, literally drag yourself away to fresh surroundings. Go for a walk, jog, meet with a friend.

Learn to recognise that nothing other than a short term reaction to your behaviour is going to be achieved. I always use my taking out the bins example: Get medieval on him and he’ll take out the bin for a few days just so that he can get some peace and quiet and get you off his back. But after a few days, you’ll be back to taking out the bins again….

Your Drama Seeking is exactly what these guys want and you are playing into their hands. If you’re with the type of guy that gives reason to you being agitated by your fears, all you are doing is reconfirming his belief that he is right to behave as he does. It gives him another reason to believe that he should only have one or no feet in – but he didn’t actually have both feet in the relationship in the first place.

You’ll notice that a certain type of guy will act up when you don’t unleash your inner harpie. It’s a bit like a test that you often don’t know you’re being set. They do this because these men never like you to feel too frickin’ comfortable in the relationship and you may get the impression that the relationship is doing well and progressing if he doesn’t act like an assclown. Even if you choose not to react, for him, his pea sized brain is telling him that I am showing her what the real deal is in this relationship. So remember when he does sh*tty things even in the face of you being nice, he’s just trying to suck you back into the drama so that he doesn’t get to believe he’s an assclown and he can blame you.

If you have somehow managed to be a Drama Seeker with a genuinely decent guy, it is time to fess up and have a heart to heart. You need to apologise, explain where the behaviour comes from, and make a commitment to confronting your issues and resolving them. This will buy you some patience and time, but don’t use his understanding as carte blanche to take the p*ss and be a Drama Seeker as his patience will wear thin. If you are both aware of your fears and what can set you off, you both have the opportunity to cool off and come back to a conversation when it’s calmer. It also means that he is likely to be a bit more thoughtful about how his behaviour may be perceived.

Your thoughts?

Do you have a post or tip to submit for the series? Get in touch!

Catch up on posts in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series.

If you are a Drama Seeker, you should be reading my ebook Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl. Find out more and buy and download.

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