It’s day 6 in the 30 Days of Drama Reduction series. When you feel like you are about to take a big dose of Relationship Crack and immerse yourself in the latest dramatisation starring you, it is important to become aware of what the Drama Triggers are and handle your reaction to it.
If you don’t learn how to handle and reduce, or even eliminate your Drama Seeking behaviour, you are likely to be perceived as 1) needy, 2) clingy, 3) messed up, and 4) a drama queen.
Now…even if you are with a pretty understanding, decent, emotionally available guy, those four things make you a very unattractive prospect to the average guy and they will eventually be turned off by your behaviour.
We could argue the semantics of some guys automatically perceiving any behaviour that they don’t like as needy for instance, however, if you are a Drama Seeker, this is what your behaviour reflects. Don’t bother trying to rationalise it where you think you’re a quarter, half, three quarter drama queen! Drama is drama!
So, here are some suggestions for keeping out of the sh*t storm!
Lots of women find the gym or exercise pretty powerful at dragging the tension out of them and venting that energy. Me, even though I didn’t step in a gym for years, when I used to be on the verge of a pulling a Drama Queen session, I’d start doing sit-ups. Every sit up I’d be calling him names or if I’d managed to get to a better place, I’d say “I am better than this. I will rise above the drama. No man is worthy of this pain”.
I know they say that affirmations are good (and they are) but sometimes, it is what it is and you need to call the mofo every frickin’ name under the sun – but he doesn’t need to be there. I used to live in an apartment building so I was afraid that my annoying neighbours would hear me rabbling to myself, so I turned the music up and called him names like “Assclown, mutherf*cker, two faced, lying, cheating, self-involved, tossbag w*nker”. Initially you’re probably having a conversation where you imagine he’s there and you tell him EXACTLY what you think of him. Get medieval and vent your anger. By the time you’re done, you’ll be exhausted but probably laughing and the anger will be out. Get a trusted friend there and you’ll be rolling around laughing.
Build a support system. There must be one person you trust and if you don’t I’ll find you someone. When you feel the urge to call him every hour, turn up at his house, rip up all of his stuff, create a big argument, go into meltdown, pick up the phone and call the designated buddy (or buddies). This means that when you feel the urge, you can call them or go out so that your mind becomes focused on something else. It doesn’t matter if you talk about him a lot, the point is that you’re not at home or with him doing something crazy. Use the Baggage Reclaim forum, where a lot of women are supporting each other and venting.
Always remember that when you feel the urge to Drama Seek and get your Relationship Crack high, that the feeling of tension which results from the fear and the euphoria you would feel if you were to react to the tension, are short term. The low and the negativity will actually last longer so you need to start telling yourself that the only thing that’s going to last is the sh*t feeling.
Let’s say you are at level 4, you react and get your relationship crack and you get to level 8, when the high passes, you’ll be back at 3, 2, or even 1. You then have to work much harder to pull yourself back to 4, nevermind to anything higher!
There will be more tips throughout the series.
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Brilliant – and it works for crazy family members, work colleagues, general Darwinian rejects in your social circle… xx
Maybe it’s just me, but I find venting makes things worse – it’s like rehearsing the drama – I end up feeling even more intense and emotional than before. But any physical exercise is great – going for a brisk walk, even doing some vigorous housework! In fact now I think of it, that’s what my mum used to do … I only just realized that … wow, this is better than therapy!
I’m really enjoying this series so far π It’s really helping me stay away from the assclown and start making some real changes. At times, it’s hard. I’ve realized what my triggers are and I’m dealing with them *smiles* Largely due to the fact that I come here every afternoon and have my daily dose of common sense π
I itched to contact the EUM earlier, but I knew the euphoria wouldn’t last, instead I went shopping. Made me feel much better.
Hey Isis, I was just thinking about shopping as a substitute activity the other day! But is it dangerous? Do you think we might just get addicted to shopping instead?!!
Shopping is a good remedy and it’s good for handling drama that could be potentially off the chain. Obviously don’t do it everytime otherwise you’ll end up exchanging one addiction for another and possibly in debt, but hell, I owe a lot of my handbag and shoe collection to assclowns. If only I could have made them pay for it too! After a while I took to rewarding myself – instead of shopping with each bout, I’d shop when I’d made it through a week or a month without succumbing. Failing that, window shopping and trying on stuff can also be quite therapeutic. As can selling stuff on ebay or shopping on there π
You know what else helps? I find that when I get all antsy and drama-ish, picking up my knitting needles, crochet, sewing…something/anything creative. Write, sketch, go for a walk and take pics in your neighbourhood….whatever.
It’s really good to have an outlet.
Hell, you should see some of my really bad paintings from a few years back when I was in the worlds most drama-filled relationship!
I have kept them, and now I look at them and say ‘WOW, that’s just messed right up, I am sooooo glad I don’t feel like that anymore!’….kinda like a scar from touching a hot stove…
π
p.s. easier on the bankbook too!!
I used to be drama queen with my ex-husband, whom I now beleive to be an EMU and or narcissit. After the divorce – whenever he didn’t follow thru with something regarding the kids, I would call him and tell him off.
After posting here and learning things, I also somewhat applied the no contact rule with him.
Now I am getting e-mails like: hey I have extra time this weekend, anything I can do for you or the kids? He hates to be ignored, bad attention or good intention, he wants it.
Drama doesn’t work, I had to learn that there is no reasoning with the ex husband, so I leave him alone!
All this is sooooo true. I just started excercising again everyday after work and its an amazing stress release. Tho I have to admit I was just about to turn into an Oscar winning drama queen a few minutes ago. My EUM called me yesterday morning but didnt leave a voicemail. I hate it bc I went out this wknd for the first time since our break up (5weeks ago) and I felt good, positive (yes girls it DOES get better, time is a healer, Im even surprised) I got home @ 6am, with a few potential date candidates phone #s..I slept until 2pm and BOOM I look @ my phone and HIS # is on my missed call log (I deleted all his info when i left him, but i still know it by heart). The high I felt from my evening before dropped. Its as if he KNEW I was getting over him. In total he’s called me 3times in the 5weeks since we parted. But then Im left wondering: “why no voicemail, why no texts ?” If he REALLY wanted to speak to me he would do more than just call and not leave mssgs. So toaday I felt like txtng him and saying “hey I saw u called me y’day” but then what would be the point..right now im @ a 4/5 and if i call him I KNOW we will shoot up to a 10 only to bring me down to a 1 after we are done. If anything I feel a lil more empowered bc now for whatever reason HE’s the one chasing me.. Girls stay strong!!!
Sounds like he’s on a ‘fishing’ expedition to me GiaNYC…you know, he doesn’t leave msgs because he isn’t sure how you will react. So he is waiting till you pick up and he can tell by the ‘tone’ in your voice. They are all such chickensh*ts these EUM’s…
lol
You’re totally right Cheekie…he’s very full of himself and prideful so the last thing he wants to do is leave a vm or a txt so that if I dont return them he wont feel ‘rejected’. But what the a**hole doesnt realize is that even tho he doesnt leave a vm Im still rejecting him bc obviously his # is on my caller ID. I have to say around this time 2wks ago I was a MESS!!! Never did I think I would be laughing and eating normally..this site has been a TREMENDOUS help-thank you all for letting me into ur worlds which sounds so damn familiar to mine π
I have to say this site is saving my a** too & I so appreciate it & everyone sharing their stories. I felt like I was falling into a black hole & wondered what the hell was wrong. I gain more & more strength just from knowing I am not alone as I have never run into an EUM before & thought I was freakin’ nuts. I used to ignore my EUM at every turn whenever he blew me off. I didn’t understand what he was doing & ignoring him was the only thing that brought the loser around. I just assumed he was selfish. When it ended I wondered if he withdrew because of “drama seeking” from me but I still haven’t figured my trigger out.
I totally relate. My online guy drew the drama out of me.. and basically I turned in to something I never knew was there…. now I’m incredibly embarassed and he’s gone silent so I guess he’s “gone” I just need to keep the NCR alive and well and I will be fine.. UGH!
Hey Kj
Don’t be embarrassed! Stop that silliness right now!
π
You are human, and part of being human is making the occasional mistake, and allowing ourselves to lose control. It’s really really normal!
You just have to remind yourself that what you are feeling is normal. It’s how you act on it that makes the difference between normal and drama queen!
Keep up the ncr, for you, stop worrying about him. Make YOU feel better.
xo
Can’t help but to do the ol’ rationalizing… “if it wern’t for me doign the drama thing” but really… when I look back, I think he started playing games with me from the beginnning. GRRRRR I can’t belive I let him get to me!!!!
…and why do I keep checking the damn directory to see if he’s online? Like it’s going to do anything positive. Dunno… but most likely addicted . Dayum.
Until Feb I was so far above all this… what happened to me?
Phoning a sane friend helped me loads. When I was freaking out because my ex suddenly refused to call I rang her instead and she talked sense to me. I did exactly what she said and was glad I did. I trust her more than my crazy self.
Exercise doesn’t solve the problem. I did yoga obsessively. Harmless or beneficial from the outside it was just swapping one obsession for another. I did hours of it every day and freaked when I couldn’t find time for it. I just found something else to be crazy over.
How do you really lose these triggers? Can they ever go?