Neglect comes in many guises. Be a friend to you first and you won't accept less from others than you can already be and do for yourself.

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This episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions was inspired by a conversation I had with a friend who is so frustrated about her previous relationships and not being in the relationship she wants yet, but then she was back with one of her exes again. I pointed out to her that it was like being in a restaurant and saying that you want to order something–in her case, a healthy, loving, lasting relationship–and then going back and forth with the waiter changing her mind about what she’s ordering! This then prompted her to point out that she’s been wanting a slice of cake but settling for a bite, and then I pointed out that it was more like crumbs… Such a funny conversation that prompted me to go way deeper on the subject of settling, namely, being OK with crumbs.

I talk about:

  • Why we can’t hang around at the shallow end of the pool and be surprised that we’re not having experiences more reflective of the deep end
  • How the Some-Crumbs-Is-Better-Than-No-Crumbs mentality shows up in our lives whether it’s that we accept sub-par relationships because we’re afraid to be alone or we, like one listener did, run up debt to avoid having to ask our flatmate to pay their bills lest they decide to move out and we don’t have a friend
  • The two questions we need to ask ourselves: Where did I learn to do without? and Where did I learn to make do?, and what these actually mean
  • Why sucky relationships are like wearing those threadbare and busted undies, bras and socks
  • Why having our needs met starts with us meeting our needs
  • Why we go to the proverbial restaurant and have the option of ordering anything off the menu, but then ask for a salad and tap water
  • Why trying to get what we want as a ‘fast food’ option leads to our own disappointment in the form of a relationship where all that glitters turns out not to be gold

Links mentioned in the episode (and some extras)

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