This morning I got this email from an ex I refer to as The F*ckwit.
“Hi you I hope that you’re cool, and that your memory paints me in a better light.”
Other than the fact that this email reminds me of what an egotistical twat he is, it’s just plain funny. We dated for about 3 weeks and I broke up with him because of his arrogant, over opinionated, rude behaviour when he lectured me about how I handle my disease sarcoidosis with acupuncture. He’d been a doctor for all of a wet week! He clearly thinks that I have given him a lot of thought since we broke up…in between meeting someone else and falling in love…
I have received a few text messages since we ‘broke up’ almost 4 months ago, although I ignored them as it seemed silly to engage in contact when I met and fell in love with my boyfriend two days after I broke up with this guy! Which leads me to ask, Why can’t this guy let go and move on?
I did a quick straw poll of several women and every single one of them receives some sort of communication periodically from an ex. Some of these guys phone up hinting for a rematch in the bedroom, others want to get nostalgic and make out that the relationship they shared with you was amazing, others just seem to want to have the last word because the relationship didn’t end on their terms.
These communications show an inherent amount of ego in these people. Do they actually think that these women have nothing better to do with their time but twiddle their fannies waiting for contact? Do they think so highly of themselves that they think they can breeze in and out of our lives when it suits? Do they think that women sit at home singing ‘All By Myself’ whilst sobbing into a tub of Ben and Jerry’s wishing that their ex’s would come back?
When it’s broke, it’s broke and someone who really wants to get back together doesn’t try to organise a booty call or go the soft route with silly texts and emails. It’s such an insult to a woman when it seems that the only thing a guy deems a good enough reason to contact her is for a shag, and it can be just as annoying when guys engage in this silly game playing and feel the need to pop back into our lives so that they can massage their egos. Move on and let go! Ladies, don’t reply. They’ll get the message eventually!
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This isn’t just male behavior. I’ve received the same emails, texts, and phone calls from some of my ex-girlfriends. I think it’s just behavior that the person who got dumped exhibits. Maybe they need “closure.” Maybe they need sex. Who knows?
Our bodies change, to adapt to a new person inour lives. We share breaths, and our bodies adapt. If we get more intimate, the bonding *may* get closer, or maybe not.
A lot of the hanging on is habit, and lack of distraction. When you found the boyfriend, your attention focused on evaluating him as a potential mate, on your role in his life and his role in yours. In adapting your routine, your expectations, your lifestyle, to build a ‘relationship’, with a capital ‘R’. The ex, on the other hand, apparently has fewer distractions. While he may know that the affair ended, his social calendar consists of remembering his time with you. When his attentions stray under horny circumstances his wanting to be close to *someone* overcomes his responsibility to leave you alone … and you get the notes, emails, etc.
Psychologists tell us it takes 2 1/2 years, on average, to overcome a loss of separation or death — for men. For women the average is more like 3 1/2 years. Will it take him another couple of years to finally let go? On average? Hopefully he will eventually stumble into some distraction that diverts his attention from you.
And then there are the icons of hope. The great stories of love re-found, of second and third marriage to the same partner. “When Harry Met Sally”. Of persistence paying off. Who knows if he wants his ashes hauled, or wants a chance to please you again? Probably he couldn’t say for sure which is uppermost in his … thinking. Most days.
Today’s intercommunicating world means that we have to be as careful about how we say good bye as we ever were at deciding to date a person. Their friends know our friends, and know people we work with — The Wiccans say what we do comes back to us threefold, for good or ill.
I was told there are three ways to get your boss’s job — 1) do a really excellent job so the boss looks good and gets promoted; 2) do a really terrible job so the boss looks bad at gets transferred; and 3) pass his name to a head hunter.
Next time he emails or calls, tell him ‘no, but here is a number for a girl I think you would like’, and set him up with a possible likely blind date. Remember, this was a guy that seemed reasonable at one time, and ‘The Best Revenge is Living Well.’
Blessed be!
You know what? I really don’t think they’ll ever get the message! But at least it gives us something to laugh about.
I think people in general hate change and hate moving on. Men moreso then women, I’ve found. I’ve seen a guy cling to an old dilapedated (sp) couch for decades because it was comfortable. Even if the springs are slashing his butt and it’s falling apart. People resist change.
I like Brad’s idea though. it’s a shame the Fuckwit doesn’t even work with you. I guess ignoring him is the ticket here—or just plain telling him to f/o!
What about when an ex girlfriend pretends to be interested in maintaining a freindship, then when asked to meet up makes excuse!!
Happened to me, I even said tell me and il forget you!! eventually I took the step and suggested we both forget being friends, just a way of hanging on