Often when I speak to women who are unsure about the status of the relationship or appear to be madly in love but with plenty of drama, it transpires that what makes them think that they have a bigger connection than they actually have, is that the object of their affection is the best they’ve ever had and possibly, the biggest they’ve ever had. One of my favourite moments in Eddie Murphy’s Raw is when he talks about the female orgasm and that when a man makes a woman REALLY cum (think lots of screaming and probably thinking that you’ve died and gone to heaven) that the guy thinks “I’ve gots this mutherf*cker now!” and after that he knows that he can say or do anything he pleases.
My personal take is that I don’t care if you have the biggest dick in the world or you’re a pro in the sack – If you don’t treat me good, you and I will be parting ways. Sooner, rather than later. But this is not the thinking of all women.

I learned my lesson years ago when I broke up with an ex but we still had to live together for about three weeks. For me, when it’s over, it’s over and I don’t care how good I thought it was or made out that it was. I refused to share a bed with him and one day he had the brass balls to say, “I know that you’ve said that you want to break up, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have sex” and I noted this smug, arrogant look on his face that felt certain of his own prowess and was essentially using sex as a weapon to disarm me. I smiled sweetly at him and I’m sure he thought he had the deal clinched and I replied, “No bloody way. We are over and that includes the sex, so I suggest you go play with yourself!” and walked into the bedroom and slammed the door behind me.

I spoke to a friend recently who is close to tearing her hair out over a guy who quite clearly is messing her about, yet she is doe-eyed when I ask why she thinks that they should be together. “He, is without a doubt, the best sex I have EVER had. You don’t get that with just anyone you know” and she truly believes that this is love.

This is where our ‘sex for women is a partly emotional experience’ track comes back to bite us in the ass. If you’re a woman who let’s say is used to getting the value mince beef, but suddenly starts getting the Argentinean fillet steak, something somewhere goes ‘ping’ and our body starts to believe that there is more to this relationship than sex and to ignore the dubious signs. This is even MORE dangerous if we have opened up shop too early, i.e. slept with him, because we’re in the justifying zone where we now have to justify sleeping with him to ourselves so that we don’t think that we have wasted our time and effort. AND, if you’ve never had particularly great sex for any number of reasons, and you suddenly find yourself orgasming like theirs no tomorrow and calling out every name possible as you swing from the chandeliers, it’s easy to see how you may think that you have struck gold and met the man of your dreams.

For the recipient male, he has heard time and again about men being all about the physical which means that he really does believe that the orgasming woman must really want his ass, and for some guys that equates with the opportunity to do whatever they like.
The moral of the story is don’t believe the hype too much. Big dicks, great lays and more orgasms than you can shake a dick at, don’t tell you they love you, don’t listen to you when you’re down, don’t share a home with you, do half the chores, put a ring on your finger, take you up the aisle, or are even an indicator of trust, responsibility or reliability, unless you count the reliability for orgasms. And remember that often when something is jacked up and dysfunctional, it adds pizzazz to the sex. That’s the wrong kind of emotion that’s contributing to the sex and you all KNOW you want the right kind of love deep down – excuse the pun!

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