In today’s guest post from long time reader, Sweet KeiKei, she explains why being in either of the extreme roles of being the pursuer or the pursued is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and how she is redressing the balance for a happier self.
In my opinion, there are three types of people when it comes to dating:
There’s the pursuer who is the one who makes most of the phone calls, initiates most of the dates, and really opens him or herself up to the other person. This person thinks they are in control but they really are not.
Then there’s the pursued who is the one who gets to say yes or no to the dates, he or she may not call as much as the other person, answer phone calls, or they are probably constantly busy and seem to have more of a life than the pursuer. This is the person who actually calls the shots.
And, in healthy relationships, you have one or two that are neither in pursuit or being pursued. They are simply going along for the ride to see where the relationship goes. They are confident in themselves, show genuine interest in the other person and they do not allow the relationship to interfere with their lives in any way. Also, they do not overextend themselves and they don’t allow the situation to take them on a roller coaster ride of emotions. They operate on what feels right and, most importantly, they don’t need to have every single thing explained or feel the need to talk things out constantly. That’s a sign of weakness. The other person looks at you like damn, can’t you tell that I don’t like you?
If you want to be in a healthy and happy relationship or if you want to be a healthy and happy person, you have to ditch the two p’s. Or how I like to put it, stop p’ing on yourself and on others.
If you are trying too hard to get someone’s attention, then perhaps that person isn’t right for you.
Why? Because you shouldn’t put yourself completely out there if you don’t see any chance of a return on your investment and you don’t want to be taken advantage of. Do subtle things that will make a person’s senses take note. Be in good shape, smell good, keep your hair & nails groomed nicely and dress in neat/clean clothes. Take a step outside of yourself, look at yourself and make yourself look how you would want your partner to look.
If someone has to flip over backwards or twist themselves into a pretzel to get you to notice them, perhaps you should take a little notice if you are mildly interested because they are showing an interest in you but be sure to take it very slow for two reasons: (1) This person obviously has an agenda and that’s to get you to like them. (2) Why do they have to try so hard to get you to like them? What’s wrong with them? Take baby steps until you figure out whether it’s that they actually like you or if it’s because they are extremely insecure for some reason.
While I’m dishing out advice, do you want to know which part of the relationship spectrum I fall in? That’s easy……I vary between the extremes.
Either I’m chasing or being chased. There’s no happy medium because this is what goes on inside of me. I can tell because of the way I am with other areas of my life. Either I’m extremely focused or I’m a lazy bum. That’s what psychologists mean when they say you attract what’s going on inside of you. Take a look at other areas of your life and find out who you really are because who you think you are in relationships may be totally different from who you actually are.
I’ve decided to find balance in my life. There are some hobbies I’m definitely going to take up like beading and sewing. I’ve been reading lots of books lately and even spending time with friends and family more than usual. Why? Because I want to be happy with myself. I want my being content to show all over my face and project out into the world so I can attract something positive that will enhance my life.
It definitely takes two to tango but if I don’t know how to dance at all, there’s no way I can dance with anybody else. Ya digg???
You can keep up with Sweet KeiKei’s life at her blog Unknown Diva.