We Fall In Love With Potential
Often our guy is a bad boy, but we suffer with ‘˜I Can Change Him’ syndrome and focus on what he could be, if only he was X, Y and Z. The fantasy may be lovely, but the here and now is what counts. For a guy, the pressure of being with a woman who has got it into her head that one day he’ll be something better than what he is now, is often too much. You will derail a relationship if you don’t keep your head and feet firmly in reality. Not only can you end up making a rackload of decisions that could affect you for the rest of your life, you are actually deceiving and deluding yourself.
Keep it real. You can’t change a man that doesn’t want to change for himself, which means that women will often keep hammering away at the relationship and cling on for dear life, and compensate for the ‘˜gap’ by trying extra hard themselves, being miserable all the way. He’ll probably leave anyway and next thing you know, he’s marrying someone else who is happy with him as he is, probably because he’s decided he’s good and ready to be the best that he can be.
Mistaking Lust for Love
A thrill in the knickers, the ability to orgasm with him, the desperate urge to cry if you can’t be around them are not love. We often mistake what feels like a strong attraction to a guy as a connection and they aren’t the same thing. I’ve been attracted to guys that couldn’t connect with me mentally and I was completely incompatible with. When we sleep with a guy, we make excuses for things that we’re unhappy with, because we need to justify to ourselves why we slept with him and ‘˜work’ at things.
Women Who Talk Too Much Syndrome
There is nothing wrong with communicating but I think that some women have this idea that verbalising every feeling, every mood, every annoyance that they have is communication.?Definition of ‘communication’:The exchange of thoughts, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing, or behavior.
The key word is exchange and if all we’re doing is off-loading so that they can ‘˜listen’, we’ve got a one way ticket to relationship doom. Not only is it the relationship equivalent of verbal diarrhoea, it does drive men insane when we feel the need to discuss all the time. Before we had our man, we had friends and if you have any sense, you still do when you’re in the relationship, and there is nothing to stop you from continuing to talk about stuff with them as long as you discuss the important, private things with him.
We Think That Sex Can Hold Them
You can’t screw a guy into staying in the relationship. All the BJ’s and rampant sex in the world will not keep him there if he doesn’t want to be. Yes men do often think with their penises, but we often make the mistake of assuming that catering to the penis will fix the woes. Being great at sex doesn’t make a great relationship, it makes great sex and if he feels that something is missing, whether it’s wrong or right, he won’t graduate you from casual sex to girlfriend position, no more than he will stay with you to keep a flagging relationship going.??We Try To Commit Too Quickly
Sometimes we’re subtle, often we’re obvious, but either way it will make his willy shrivel to cocktail sausage proportions if you try to close him in too quickly. I see women meet a guy and next thing you know, she’s staying around all the time, leaving bits and pieces around his place, cooking for him, dropping hints about moving in, or even going ahead and moving in. We make something before there is something. The guy may be perfectly happy with this for a while, but often wakes up, looks at the boxes of Tampax, the hair straighteners and the toothbrush in the bathroom and feels fear clutch his nuts and goes cold on us. We need to play things cooler and not appear to need a man so desperately to feel complete and happy. We also need to slow down a little and not force the hand of our relationships.
We Place Everything On Them
There was a time in our lives when the current guy didn’t exist, yet somehow he has turned into our reason for breathing and lving, and we can’t function without him. One minute you’re dating, now he’s paying bills, sorting out your family troubles and catering to your every need and you’re not bothering with your friends anymore. Guys read into this behaviour and they will either use it to their advantage or use it as a reason to call an end to things. You are a person with a level of independence, you can keep that independence without turning into a member of Destiny’s Child-Question! Don’t ditch your life for him because he won’t ditch his!
We ‘Allow’ Too Much
Basic human interaction between people is based on acceptance and rejection which means that when a guy displays an unacceptable behaviour for the first time, at that point we have the choice to either accept or reject it. If we accept it, he will assume that it is OK and continue on and you are essentially opening the floodgates. If you reject it, he either plays by your rules, or gets lost. If you stay together after rejecting the action and he repeats it again and we don’t express our ‘˜rejection’ of it, again he has tested your resolve and gotten away with it.
As women we have a tendency to allow much of the wrong things and disallow many of the right things. We’ll allow a guy to be unavailable or mistreat us because he’s got a big dick, money, or because we don’t feel secure enough to tell him to get lost, but we won’t allow a guy past the gates if he’s ‘too nice’.
We Love Them More Than We Love Ourselves
If we don’t love ourselves, how do we expect them to love us? When we allow a man to be our reason for happiness, to complete us, it implies that we’re miserable and incomplete without them. We throw out family and friends when the species with a penis show us some ‘˜love’ and we focus our energies on maintaining even the most dubious of relationships whilst our friends look on in bewilderment.
We Don’t Know When To Quit
Nobody likes break ups but men in particular don’t like confrontation, particulary with women. This means that they will ride the donkey (the relationship) until it collapses, whilst privately feeling very agrieved to be ‘trapped’. Our fear of being on our own is even greater than the fear of not having a man in our lives, even if he mistreats us, doesn’t actually want to be with us and certainly doesn’t feel the same way about us. We make noises about calling it off if he doesn’t do certain things, but often we don’t, giving the guy carte blanche to do what he likes. He does lose respect when he knows he can do what he likes.