One night stands are not something that floats everyone’s boats but there are an increasing number of women that are choosing to have no frills sex but finding that they get a lot of flack from the guys they sleep with or proposition. Now let’s be real here: There is many a woman that has had sex with a guy thinking that it was the start of something beautiful, only to find that they were the unwitting party to a one night stand, with the guy using the line ‘I’ll call you’ and then he didn’t. Lots of guys say that they’re not looking for relationships and are just looking for a bit of fun, so how is it that these women that are actually willing to be willing participants are treated so negatively?
The ego, the penis just can’t take it and if these guys are lambasting the woman before he’s even got his trousers down, the woman has made the fundamental mistake of talking way too much.
Here are my tips on how to survive the world of no frills sex:
Are you saying you want to have no frills sex because that’s what you think guys want and you secretly desire a relationship? On the occasions when you have had a one nighter, have you used up a lot of energy thinking about the guy in question? Will he call me? Maybe we can make a go of this? I wonder if we can be together again?
Are you an over-thinker in general?
If you want to have no frills, casual sex, you really need to turn down the emotional meter. I know guys who could still get it up if their whole family had been wiped out and it was the ending of the world, but a lot of women I know get quite emotional about sex even though they try not to. If you suspect that this type of activity will play havoc with your mentality and spirit, go buy yourself a vibrator.
Shut Up – No ‘Women Who Talk Too Much’ Syndrome
I love women but one of the biggest blights on us is our ability to talk about everything and anything. It’s like a verbal diarrhoea of emotions and thoughts and it is the single most dangerous thing, other than STD’s that will play havoc with your sex life.
Just because you want casual sex, doesn’t mean that you have to have a conversation about it.
If he’s there after you met him a bar a few hours ago, there is a remote possibility that he may be thinking about a blossoming relationship, but it’s more likely that once the penis is erect, he’s not thinking about much. I think women feel the urge to tell guys that they want it to be casual because we want to explain and clue them in. Here’s a shocker (not!): How often has a guy told you that he just wants you for sex, he doesn’t want to hear from you again, and he hopes that this is OK with you?
I know it’s all about extending the courtesy, but quite frankly, if it’s no frills sex it doesn’t require that kind of discussion and it’s adding legwork that you really don’t need. You generally know if a guy wants to have sex with you – he’s on you quicker than you can say ‘one night stand’. It’s quite likely that you haven’t spent the prior time with him talking about marriage and babies, and the time has been heading in a steady direction. Just get your sex, and go home.
Try Not to Sh*t On Your Own Doorstep
Yes it’s handy, yes it’s convenient and cuts out introductions, but my recommendation is that you steer clear of working your way through your workplace, friends or anywhere which will put you in the position of having to face your ‘shag’ repeatedly. Remember, out of sight, out of mind. There are tonnes of horny guys out there that you don’t know and don’t have to work with, so go for them.
Don’t Do ‘Couple’ Things
Stressing about him rolling over and falling asleep straight away, him not cuddling you, him not having breakfast in bed for you is couple territory. If you’re done, go home. If you don’t mind staying over, stay over, but don’t get too comfy and allow emotions to take hold.
You can do whatever you want when you’re having a one nighter so be liberated as opposed to uptight. If you’re the type though that melts down and falls in love when she has an orgasm, it may not be a wise idea to be having casual sex.
Sex is a two way street and if you leave your no frills guy feeling empty and unfulfilled, you did it wrong and you get a F on your report card (not a good F by the way!). Tell him how you like it, where you like it and if being rogered doggy style for twenty minutes isn’t your thing, don’t bloody do it!
Not to lecture, but it’s a bit thick to be reckless with no frills sex. I said get wild, not get an STD or get pregnant. Be responsible and don’t allow a guy to weasel his way into the jackpot without his mac on. Nuff said.
Oh and make sure that someone, somewhere knows where you are. Use your street sense and if there is anything suspicious about your potential conquest, don’t go with him. Don’t get blind drunk as you will not be able to react very quickly should anything untoward take place.
Calling is for people that want a relationship! If you have to give a number, give a fake one or take his, unless of course you think that you’ve got a new F*ck Buddy.
You don’t have to be a bitch on wheels, but be cool, calm and collected when it’s time to go. If you’re not good with icky, awkward moments, leave before he wakes up. Obviously don’t leave money on the nightstand, unless of course it’s Monopoly money 😉
Forget About It
You can think what great sex it was and give yourself a thrill, but don’t dwell and move on. Out of sight, out of mind.
K.I.S. Keep It Simple
No need to chant this whilst you’re writhing away, but always keep this phrase in mind. Minimum explanations, not sh*tting on your own doorstep, keeping the emotions to a minimum will all ensure that you get regular no frills casual sex, just like you wanted.
NML is the editor of Baggage Reclaim.