Something that I’ll never understand is why women don’t support each other more. Women are all on the same team, right? I could site 500 different examples of women tearing each other down and competing with each other instead of working together, but, as would be expected of me, I’m going to concentrate on how women degrade their own gender by competing for men.

I wish I didn’t feel that I have to qualify this, but I do, so I will. Obviously, not all women or men act in the way I will describe. But there are enough to warrant a mention in this column.

Someone who commented on last week’s column mentioned that a single woman does not carry any burden of guilt or culpability for having an affair with a married man, since he is the one who is in a relationship, not her. But, isn’t that what wedding rings are for. To let others know that the person is taken. People in committed relationships are off limits to other people whether they’re single or not. Everyone has their weak moments. So if someone with a wedding ring hits on you, maybe you have to be the strong person. But aside from that, for what reason would a woman want to get involved with a married man or any man in a relationship (ie a Mr. Unavailable) with another woman? If he’s lying and cheating on someone, he’ll do it to the next person.

Indeed, there are many men out there who lie to women about their status. Even I have been duped by a couple of liars. However, as soon as the discovery of the truth happens, it’s only sensible for the woman to ditch the creep. Why get more deeply involved with a known liar?

Women knowingly getting involved with other women’s husbands and boyfriends is not the only issue I’d like to point out. There are slews of women out there who seem to be drawn to jerks. These jerks are men who abuse and/or cheat on and/or lie to and/or take advantage of and/or abandon every woman they become involved with. Yet, there are women lining up to be the next victim. They listen to his sweet talk and they listen to him bash the women he used to be involved with. They’re anxious to be the perfect woman, all the while positive that they won’t get treated like crap. Sadly, after they’re hooked, they end up being the next victim.

For example, there was a guy from my hometown who dated a girl and got her pregnant when they were 17. He abandoned her while she was pregnant, and the baby ended up being stillborn. She went back with him soon after and got pregnant again. This time he said he’d marry her however, the entire time he was dating another woman on the side. Not long after the birth of the second baby, they split up because of his infidelity. Now, this second woman knew all along about the first woman & her babies, yet she continued to date him. No surprise when, after a short time she ended up pregnant also. He lived with her for another year and a half in which time she gave birth to two of his children. During the entire time he lived with her, he was cheating on her with yet another woman who knew about the two other women and was fully aware that he was living with a woman and their two children. Eventually the second woman kicked him out and he continued to date the third woman. It was no surprise when she wound up pregnant with his child. However this one miscarried when he kicked her in the stomach and tried to drown her in the bathtub. Yes it’s a true story.

There are hundreds of thousands of stories out there like this. A lying, cheating, abusive deadbeat has woman after woman falling all over him. He doesn’t care. Because no matter what he does to them, there’s always another woman who will eat up his lies & with two spoons!

Last year I had a conversation with a very pathetic woman who had become very friendly with and fond of some total jerk that had screwed over one of her friends. She knew the whole story about him and how he was a compulsive liar and borderline psychopath. When I asked her why she actively chose to become friendly with him after knowing all about him she said, “I wanted to find out for myself.” Duh. Just, duh. So I responded with, “Well, if all of your friends died after walking in front of a moving train, would you walk in front of one too, just to find out for yourself?”

Men who cheat on their significant others when they’re in committed relationships have issues, and women who enable this behavior are not only just as guilty, but they’re also allowing themselves to be treated with disrespect. People who cheat don’t do it because of something wrong with the other person in the relationship. They do it because there is something wrong with them. Rather than trying to repair damage to their relationship or rather than being honest with their significant other and ending the relationship, they cheat and lie. In fact, many men who cheat have wives who have no idea that there is anything wrong with their relationship, and the men are just having their cake and eating it too.

Rather than feeling flattered by the advances of jerks, and rather than feeling that the only way to boost their self esteem is by trying to compete with other women, women need to recognize jerky behavior and move on to men who are actually worthy of their time and attention. The thing is, you never see this kind of drama around decent men, because decent men do not create this kind of drama around themselves. Decent men do not leave broken families and bitter women in their wake. It’s the jerks who create the hysteria.

I believe that one of the reasons that a substantial number of men continue to act like jerks is that they can! It’s been proven that men who act despicably are completely able to find women who will be in a relationship with them. What I think is that women need to raise their standards and to stop supporting this behavior and stop dating these men. Many women are enabling this behavior, and if jerks stop being rewarded for lying and cheating, etc, maybe it would stop. If men in general are held to higher standards, they may just start acting in a more human way.

NYM keeps the very witty New York Moments blog

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